To expect a parent to pay for child's damage?!

[MissB83]

Context: I had a friend and her 2 year old for a play date this afternoon. Before either of us could stop her, her 2 year old grabbed my letter flap (inside) and forced it up, which snapped an internal mechanism so it no longer lies flush to the door my friend tried to explain it away that she fiddles with the door and didn't immediately realise that her child had broken it. However the kicker is that the door is brand new; it was replaced about a month ago at a cost of nearly £900! It looks wrong now but worse is letting in a significant draught into an already cold house.

I think the part can probably be replaced as it screws on and on but obviously this will be at a cost. My friend has been back to thank me for the play date but not mentioned the door. I am flat broke so cannot pay for the repair anyway but I don't feel I should have to, but I want to go in on the right foot before annoying my friend. AIBU to expect her to pay?

New door should have warranty on it?? save asking the mum xx

Doors have warrenties, letterboxes don't as they are a consumer able part. They're meant only to be opened 90degrees not 180 so it won't be able to withstand this from anyone even if they're 2. You have already mentioned that you didn't purchase the door as it was a gift from a family member but that doesn't matter as it was broken and not by you or your children. Have a look online for a replacement letterbox and they are only held on with 2 screws one either side screw on inside remove the screws and both plates come off, it's an easy repair but your friend should contribute to the cost of the replacement part. If you need a temporary fix they do sell them in places like Wilkinson's quite cheap but they won't be like the proper one which was fitted.
Just let your friend know that you had to replace it because of what their child did but try to do it as a throw away remark this usually causes less awkwardness between you both.

Just to say that this issue is resolved as I have asked for the money (a moderate sum but significant for me in my monthly budget) and she has paid it without making an issue

Glad it's sorted. I can't imagine any reasonable person not doing exactly that - handing over the money and not making an issue.

I wouldn't have asked the friend for the money in a million years though!

She should have offered to pay if she was a true friend

I’m glad it’s all sorted Miss B83. I’m sure your friend will understand it was her responsibility to pay, and won’t think badly of you. We’re not all rolling in it :)

How much did she give you, and perhaps you could of claimed on house insurance?

I think it should have been more robust than this? I think you should go back to the company who sold it. A two year old wouldn’t exert much force?

I disagree. I've known 2yos who were built like small tanks!

And as for not being fit for purpose - the purpose of a letterbox flap isn't to be pushed past its tolerances and wrenched and twisted by a toddler. It is to open under the comparatively gentle pressure of a letter or small parcel, and then fall back down again to reduce draughts.

It may well have been fit for purpose; but it was abused.

YANBU, if you or your child break something, you offer to pay.

However, what if a parcel was being put through, it would have snapped. I would contact the door company and say that it got broken during normal use as flipping up the flap is normal use and 2 yr old can't be that strong.....

While I agree she should pay for the damage the way your talking about her daughter - she's 2 for goodness sake!! You obviously don't like her.

I really wouldn't bill someone for the repair to a door that a 2yo broke. I may offer to pay though, if I realised. If you actually billed me I'd be . Fair enough if an older child broke something deliberately but this was just an accident.

first get a quote. is the door under a warranty? see if it is covered. if not, fix it. Next time she comes over, just mentioned that you had to fix the letter box and just make sure she doesn't go near it or go to their house. things will get broken with small children and the parent should have offered. Only you can decide if it is worth it to say something.

This is what liability insurance is for.

@Zeusthemoose I don't dislike her daughter at all? I have simply said she has broken stuff, which is true, and that she's bossy, which is also true! It's something which her mum and I find funny. Obviously our kids have each inherited our similar personalities.

She should have offered to pay.
You should have declined.

I would sort it out myself. I can understand it is highly irritating, even more so when she hasn’t expressed concern... however in my experience you would be better to erase from your head and just move on. If she was the sort of person that was concerned and wanted to pay for damage she would have said then. It could be uncomfortable for you broaching subject etc.. and no certainty that she would take it right way... More hassle than it’s worth

Dear friend

I’ve got a quote to have the letterbox repaired and it’s going to be £50. As I know it was an accident I am happy to pay half of the repair cost. Would you please let me have the other half so I can proceed with the repair ASAP as the broken letterbox is letting a draft in.

Thank you

This is a good learning lesson for mum to be a bit more vigilant of child!

If it’s just a flap that screw on to be replaced contact the company and see how much a replacement is? Say you had a postie that shoves the mail through a bit hard. It shouldn’t have broken that easily from a two year old anyway. Get a quote and tell her how much you’re having to pay and see if she will cough up. You’ll be teaching her a lesson, next time it could be something really expensive.

I'm surprised she didn't offer to pay, really she should have done. However for the sake of friendship I feel your next step should be finding out how much it will cost to fix. If it is only around £20 then I would just suck it up for the sake of the friendship but if it is more like £50 then I would try speaking to her and ask her if she is aware that her child actually broke the door and it's going to cost X to fix it and if she still doesn't offer with that giant hint I would flat out ask because at that point she's not being a good friend.

I do find it interesting the amount of people who say that even if someone should pay morally you should refuse to let them.

What if it's something that someone actually cannot afford to pay to fix themselves?!

I genuinely cannot understand that logic. So my son and I go short on money out of politeness?

She should have offered to pay. You should have declined

Rightly or wrongly, that's how things tend to work in my world. We've had accident-free playdates to date, so I'm just imagining the likely outcome.

I would be struggling not to find a friend 'billing me' for a two year fiddling with a letterbox and damaging it a bit clunky. I mean, I'd pay up and be fine about it, but yep. A bit awkward.

Letter flap? Do you mean letter box? I’m unsure? Anyway my son broke the flap on ours and we bought a replacement letter box to fit our door for less than £20 and relatively easy to fit..

Visiting children have broken a few things in my house and a child outside an activity pulled the flap over my petrol cap off my car and broke it. I would NEVER ask for the money unless a teenager deliberately broke something. Your door is broken. You should fix it.

Your friend might be able to claim on her household insurance under "Public Liability".

I have been watching this thread with interest as I had a similar incident about a year ago and it puts you in an awkward position. A friend of mine came over with her two young children and her youngest reached up to my mantlepiece and knocked off an ornament (of sentimental value) and part of it smashed off. I was really upset when it happened, and my friend said ‘oh sorry about that’ and I picked it up and the kids continued to play. As far as my friend was concerned that was the end of it but I wasn’t happy and just wanted them to go. It wasn’t the actual value of it that bothered me, although it was expensive but more that it came from a relative who had passed and I was sad that it had been broken. I was disappointed that my friend didn’t make much of an apology and I felt she should have been watching her son closer but after the visit she never mentioned it again. Equally I didn’t mention it as I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. In my opinion, if your child breaks something then yes it is an accident but generally speaking someone should offer to pay if their child has damaged or broken something. I know I would. It’s especially annoying when the friend isn’t really watching their child.

I do find it interesting the amount of people who say that even if someone should pay morally you should refuse to let them

It's not a question of morality, just one of the myriad peculiar social rituals that underpin lots of friendships. A sort of unspoken code of mutual conduct and generosity of spirit. It doesn't stand up to close scrutiny, viewed piecemeal, but it seems to prevail and succeed in my world

It has to cut both ways, though obviously.