To be annoyed about his comment?

[Teesstar]

So I have been seeing a guy for 9 months, I am going through a divorce with a man who was pretty manipulative and abusive so have had support to deal with having good boundaries etc.

Anyway today in a text conversation he has made a comment about my pubic hair! I am not a wax it girl but I trim my bush, I don’t really like being hairless, and ffs it’s my body to decide! He prefers no hair or at least it very trimmed back back I am not livid with his comment about me having a stray hair and that i use any excuse to have hair down there!

Grrrr! I have put him straight saying it’s my body. I just feel pissed off right now! What are your thoughts? My ex husband never had an issue with this!

A man who said anything like that would never get near my pubic region ever again.

No engaging with this bu fight, it’s been done a million times already!

@Teesstar

It’s irrelevant what anyone’s opinion is on public hair. The fact that he said that you’ll use any excuse to have hair down there is telling. Just because he’s not (yet anyway) as bad as your Ex doesn’t mean he’s a good bloke. He’s shown you what he thinks... you need an ‘excuse’ to do what you want to do with your own body!

Having a preference is one thing (fine to say, once, what he prefers) it’s quite another to act as he has.

Dump the twunt it’ll get worse from here on in!

I’d reply that actually I prefer being single

Knob end

Meh Just forward the text to his mum and be done with it. 😂

Haha!

I think the issue isn't whether or not he approves of pubic hair. He'd been with the OP for 9 months so presumably it wasn't the first time he had seen her private parts. So if he didn't like the fact that she didn't shave her pubic areas faithfully, he didn't have to keep seeing her.

What wasn't on was the way he expressed his preference, via a text message, especially his reference to her using 'any excuse'; it's her body so why should she need an excuse if she doesn't want to shave her pubic hair?

I think the "excuse" part of the comment is the key point. What does that say about his attitude to you and what he thinks of your bodily autonomy? I would proceed with care with this one.

He sounds like a turd, to be brutally honest.

And as for all the "it's the norm now to go hairless" crap first off, I don't believe that's true, certainly not for all age groups but more importantly, I don't care what "the norm" is, it's ridiculous to think that it's ok to belittle someone for their body hair choices.

Yes, it's fine to have a preference and to (respectfully) express this in a relationship, but all this nonsense about a woman needing an "excuse" to keep her natural hair? That's not right. He's scummy, and I'd tell him it was over just because of this. That's how infuriated I'd be. "Not happy with the body hair, are you? Well, good thing we're through, now, so it won't have the chance to offend you again!"

I’d get rid of him for this tbh.

Personally I'd end it.

Some major red flags here. Remember people escalate manipulation, they don't reduce it.

Public hair grows naturally so it is totally normal to have it. However it is totally a personal preference whether you want to shave or not. I have shaved it and I don't like it so now I don't. I trim it and keep it fairly short but I just hate shaving it. My fiance is not bothered either way! He has public hair although he has shaved it and I don't really care. Oral is easy for us both. If one partner says it's their preference fair enough but when they say they will not give oral without completely shaving then that's unreasonable. If my fiance said that I would do as another poster suggested and tell him that he needs to shave his whole body!!!

I'm enjoying all the public hair on this thread. It really makes up for all the pubic consultations I've done.

OP, I am not totally clear on what he actually said. As it was by text, could you actually quote it, along with the context of how it came up? I think a partner lightheartedly teasing or expressing a preference for something is fine..... but it is hard to tell here.

I think we get a bit overly excited about casual jokes sometimes! If you have been together 18 months and he has always appreciated your body and this has not come up before in a significant way, then it doesn't sound to me like he has very strong opinions about it.... ? Perhaps he just was trying to carelessly tease. Text is hard to interpret the tone, especially when you don't directly quote what you or he said in full....

For me the variable isn’t his taste in public hair styles, it’s that he thinks he has a right to express an opinion about your body. What. A. Twat.

Does he have pubic hair?

I’ve told men to bugger off for this reason alone. They should be bloody well humble and grateful that we let them in our pants at all. Critiquing the topiary is neither wanted nor welcomed, thanks.

Rocking a 70s bush here. It's winter and I CBA doing fanny maintenance. During the warmer months it gets a quick swipe with a razor to take care of any spiders legs and a trim. Complaints about pubic hair can be sent to PO Box Don't Give a Fuck.

If a man is getting hair stuck in his teeth during oral he is doing it very, very wrong

“If a man is getting hair stuck in his teeth during oral he is doing it very, very wrong”

Yes his teeth should be in their jar before you get to that stage.

So what if he does get a hair stuck in his teeth? What other sex act gives you the opportunity to floss while you work?

and that i use any excuse to have hair down there

What an interesting choice of phrasing.
Is his world view such that women need to justify their personal grooming decisions, that OP's personal decision is somehow wrong as he deems that it requires 'excusing', & that he is entitled to critique OP's body as if it were an amenity & he's a punter on TrimAdvisor?

OP he's entitled to an opinion, but not to neg you like this, with his blame-implying choice of words.
I'm concerned about the conjunction between your divorce coming through, & TrimAdvisor choosing this to be the time to start what could well be a slow process of boundary-testing, entitlement-dictating, & abusive undermining.

What were his other comments?

What other sex act gives you the opportunity to floss while you work?

The relevant part here is that he's mentioned his preference before, the op has said "that's interesting, thanks, I'll leave it how I do it", and he has raised it again but this time in a derogatory manner and as if she ought to shave and is looking for some excuse not to - the subtext being that it's an excuse not to met his requirements.

Obviously it's never ok to body shame someone, and especially so in a relationship. So, for me, this would be a big red flag showing that he actually thinks you should do as he wishes and that if you don't, he'll have something to say about it.

I might not dump for this but I would certainly file it for reference if other things come up.

If there had been another comment, similar, I think that would be it for me.

Is this the first time the subject has come up?

I would love to know how he worded his text message! It sounds quite random. And not very nice.