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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed about his comment?

199 replies

Teesstar · 12/01/2020 13:43

So I have been seeing a guy for 9 months, I am going through a divorce with a man who was pretty manipulative and abusive so have had support to deal with having good boundaries etc.

Anyway today in a text conversation he has made a comment about my pubic hair! I am not a wax it girl but I trim my bush, I don’t really like being hairless, and ffs it’s my body to decide! He prefers no hair or at least it very trimmed back back I am not livid with his comment about me having a stray hair and that i use any excuse to have hair down there!

Grrrr! I have put him straight saying it’s my body. I just feel pissed off right now! What are your thoughts? My ex husband never had an issue with this!

OP posts:

QueenOfTheSavages · 12/01/2020 17:44

Thefaceofboe, I'm really, really not getting defensive. Just giving my opinion (which I'm not even defending or trying to persuade anyone to agree with - we all have our own opinions). I really don't care what others do.

bobsyourauntie · 12/01/2020 17:46

On second thoughts, I do like the idea of vajazzling it though and perhaps you could also hang some fairy lights down there, or maybe plait it and add in some beads or ornaments ? . Alternatively , you should ask him to wax off all of his hair in that area before you do yours, perhaps you could have a joint appointment? Assuming that you can find a waxer that will do back, sack and crack (my friend doesn't do men).

Thinkingabout1t · 12/01/2020 17:46

Adults have pubic hair. The only man I've known who disliked seeing pubic hair had a rather creepy interest in very young women.

YouJustDoYou · 12/01/2020 17:46

The porn-lovers tend to prefer a woman with a shaved pussy.

Thefaceofboe · 12/01/2020 17:47

@YouJustDoYou Only porn lovers tend to use the word ‘pussy’

Clevererthanyou · 12/01/2020 17:51

Youjustdoyou- that would be more of an animal rights issue than women’s rights 🙂

Inherdefence · 12/01/2020 17:52

I had a bf who insisted on his genitals being totally hair free. It looked weird like a pink prawn (he was very fair skinned!). The stubble could be stimulating though. He never seemed to object to my hairy genitals although for all I know he is on a mens forum somewhere talking about his ex whose pubes looked like a sporran.

Ditch him OP - you don’t need someone that shallow in your life.

baubled · 12/01/2020 17:53

From reading this thread the only thing I've taken from it is men must be peado's or porn addicts to prefer women fully shaven, absolutely ridiculous

It's okay for him to prefer fully shaven, it is a popular choice for women to have it all off so it might be all he's ever known BUT it's not okay for him to expect you to be bare when you prefer not to be.

Maybe he's a prick who expects you to get rid of it all on his say so, or maybe it's just his shit way of trying to bring it up but would respect your choice if you said, no, this is how I prefer it.

Oddbins · 12/01/2020 18:00

He's allowed a preference. I don't like beards so I wouldn't date someone who had one

If I did then it's on me to accept that not to persuade him to shave and make him feel bad about it

If it's a deal breaker then it is we can't help our preferences.

UYScuti · 12/01/2020 18:14

Assuming that you can find a waxer that will do back, sack and crack (my friend doesn't do men)
Who can blame her...I'd want a very high financial incentive to do that!

Biancadelrioisback · 12/01/2020 18:15

It really doesnt matter what anyone on this thread thinks about pubic hair or how the style their own. It's completely up to OP how she wears her pubic hair and, yes he can have a preference, but like PP said, if he doesn't like a woman to have hair, then he should find one who doesn't.

Italiangreyhound · 12/01/2020 18:15

Teesstar the comment would really put me off.

The fact you have low self esteem would make me think you need to build up that esteem. All the best.

UYScuti · 12/01/2020 18:20

any excuse to have hair down there
the implication is that having hair 'down there' is widely recognised as offensive and that you are a bad person who tricks him into tolerating the presence of body hair.
it's just a weird fucked up thing to say

pooopypants · 12/01/2020 18:24

Grow it. Plait it. See how he fucking likes that

loserssaywhat · 12/01/2020 18:31

the implication is that having hair 'down there' is widely recognised as offensive and that you are a bad person who tricks him into tolerating the presence of body hair.
it's just a weird fucked up thing to say

That phrase got me too. 'Any excuse to have hair down there' why would an adult woman need an excuse to have hair in a place where adult women have hair?
it's beyond fucked up. It's pure entitlement. The fact that these men feel entitled to comment on women's bodies and assume that we care and will then change according to their preferences.

damnthatanxiety · 12/01/2020 18:32

It certainly is NOT the norm to have no hair down there!

damnthatanxiety · 12/01/2020 18:35

Inappropriatefemale whilst there WAS a trend for eliminating all pubic hair, surveys have shown that the tide has turned and the trend is now to have hair and even to have an all natural bush. SO if following trends is your thing, I would start growing yours back!

Sagradafamiliar · 12/01/2020 18:40

The only thing more amusing than bingo on these threads (the comments are so predictable- every single time!) are the posters tripping over themselves to tell us all how they remove all their hair and so do all their friends. No one gives a fuck, pal. What's it got to do with the OP?

iamyourequal · 12/01/2020 18:42

Teesstar you are right to be annoyed at his comment and the ‘any excuse’ part implies this has been discussed previously or he kept on at you today after you said you were happy with yourself as you are. I think your boyfriend sounds like a controlling CREEP and I would be running for the hills if I were you.

Thefaceofboe · 12/01/2020 18:45

@Sagradafamiliar I think it’s more aimed towards the people saying It’s not normal to remove all hair etc etc which prompts them to comment as I agree, it’s not relevant or helpful to the OP. There’s lots of judgey comments on this thread.

picklemepopcorn · 12/01/2020 18:48

I'm in the camp which thinks he's testing the waters, and will get abusive if you let this past.

And you'll let him, because he'll be like this- a snide comment every now and again. Before you know it, you'll be making decisions based on what he wants, what he'll like, what he approves of.

Don't do it. Don't wait, because he'll chip away your boundaries without you noticing,

Sagradafamiliar · 12/01/2020 18:49

Yep, there are, Theface. As I said, thread bingo. The only thing that matters is what the OP wants. No one can ever seem to understand that individual choice is....individual.

Thefaceofboe · 12/01/2020 18:50

@Sagradafamiliar agreed. People are all for respecting other peoples wishes until it’s something they don’t agree with or don’t see as the norm

AlrightyyThen · 12/01/2020 18:51

Not often i ever say this, but leave him. I would.

Tinty · 12/01/2020 18:52

Meh Just forward the text to his mum and be done with it. 😂

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