AIBU to get DS a tattoo for 16th Birthday

[catsandwine]

Not just any tattoo. A Manchester bee.
DS was at the Manchester Arena 22.05.17 as a young teen.
She has suffered with PTSD following this and a number of associated effects, including on grades due to time off.
Despite being in my late twenties I’ve never felt compelled to tattoo my body but I certainly consider this worthy.
AIBU to get her this for her birthday?
If I, as an indirect victim, feel no differently almost three years later, I sincerely doubt she will ever feel differently.
I will also have the tattoo in solidarity (indirect but heartbroken nonetheless) and make a donation to the fund equal to the tattoo cost. I’m thinking just above my right elbow and will restrict the location of hers to one that won’t cause issues in a professional environment (she wants to be a teacher, I am and always will be, office based).
I should say I will ensure it is a reputable tattoo artist. She looks a lot older than she is, but if challenged I will have a suitable (illegitimate) ID available.
Part of me thinks that I just want to get a gift that she will appreciate forever, but the other part of me thinks that this is the right time as she is developing her independence and she has had enough time to consider.
She already has a life plan and a boyfriend etc (?precociousness associated with trauma).
If IABU due to the illegitimate ID, please let me know that this is the reason. The means are a different issue for me. I would always ensure there were zero repercussions on the establishment and owner of the ID.

Is this your sister? How would your parents feel?

I think YABU to get a tattoo for a 16 year old, although I think the symbolism and reasoning for the choice of tattoo makes sense and is very thoughtful.

It’s not just because you will need illegitimate ID but more because a tattoo is a big decision with permanent consequences. She may feel like she has to accept the tattoo because of the meaning and symbolism and because it is a gift and she hasn’t had time to think it through. Perhaps you could find something else meaningful to do together and by all means donate to the fund but let the tattoo be something she can decide to do if she wants to when she is older.

Also, given that it has obviously been a traumatic event which has caused PTSD it might not be a great idea to get a permanent reminder etched on her body.

YABU as it’s illegal to get a tattoo until you’re 18 years old and the tattoo artist could get in a huge amount of trouble even if you provide a fake ID. Also, it might be worth letting her think about it for a couple more years - the law is 18 for a reason! Thinking about the tattoos I wanted at 16, I’m glad I didn’t get them now. And I think this is even more so the case when the tattoo in question represents something sad, negative, or difficult to get over. I now have several tattoos but when younger I wanted one that would represent something sad as a tribute. I’m glad I didn’t get it now because I don’t think having something like this permanently etched on my body would have been good for my mental health and think it might have hindered my moving on from it. Just wait until she is 18 but tell her you’ll get it for her then if she still wants it, maybe?

Is DS your sister? Is parental consent not an option?

Yes, YABVVU.

It’s a gorgeous idea but you should wait until her 18th birthday and get it done then.

YABU. I'm sorry that your sister was involved and is still struggling but an illegal tattoo isn't going to help. Support and love is what will get her through this.

I can see your intention but it really is a very bad idea. I have a 15 year old and if my sister took her for a tattoo on fake ID I would absolutely hit the roof. You are risking relationships here.

@steff13 my mum doesn’t like tattoos in general but I think would respect the symbolism. Dad is ok with it. Had a few (hidden) tattoos in his youth and doesn’t regret them.

I’m going to be really harsh here, sorry: no, don’t permanently mark a fucking teenager because you think it has meaning, that’s a completely moronic thing to do. There is a reason the minimum age is 18. There’s loads of shit I wanted to do at 16 that thank god I didn’t. Don’t be an idiot.

Don't, just don't.
If you knew the number of people trying to have tattoos removed, you wouldn't even consider it.

Tattooing is a fashion which will die out eventually (hopefully).

YABU in encouraging and facilitating your child to do something illegal. If she still wants it in 2 years time then fine, you can give it to her for her 18th when she becomes an adult.

It is totally inappropriate to suggest a permanent body modification to a traumatised teen. It may be a painful reminder of an trauma she is trying to process.
If after therapy and sufficient time to heal she decides as an adult she wants a tattoo as a symbol or memorial feel free to fund it.

Sorry, sister not child. Even worse, you don’t have parental responsibility.

Just no.

Agree with the poster above. As she gets older, she may feel that this event defines her life and having a tattoo might be a negative reminder. It's a nice thought but give it a few years to see if she is sure.

Get a grip, it’s wrong.

Has abs actually asked for this?

@Poorolddaddypig yeah might be a good idea to wait a bit longer as she’s still only 16. I thought because she’s wanted it for almost 3 years now It would be an ok time but respect the reasoning. Thanks.

I have several tattoos.

When my dd was 16, I would have been 31 so not much older than you. I would say I was very laid back and dd1 could do most things that other parents would not have allowed.

Believe me, if she'd come home with a tattoo I would have completely lost my shit. I would have also questioned the fake ID.

You don't have parental responsibility.

@BonnyConnie yes but isn’t in a position to proceed independently. She’s also at an age where she could decide to go to an unsafe backstreet place

I'm heavily tattooed and love them but she still needs to wait.

If it means that much, it will still mean that much in 2 years time.

at least wait until she has finished growing!
Otherwise that cute bee could well end up as a deformed hornet or something.
As well as all the legal stuff etc