AIBU to get DS a tattoo for 16th Birthday

[catsandwine]

Not just any tattoo. A Manchester bee.
DS was at the Manchester Arena 22.05.17 as a young teen.
She has suffered with PTSD following this and a number of associated effects, including on grades due to time off.
Despite being in my late twenties I’ve never felt compelled to tattoo my body but I certainly consider this worthy.
AIBU to get her this for her birthday?
If I, as an indirect victim, feel no differently almost three years later, I sincerely doubt she will ever feel differently.
I will also have the tattoo in solidarity (indirect but heartbroken nonetheless) and make a donation to the fund equal to the tattoo cost. I’m thinking just above my right elbow and will restrict the location of hers to one that won’t cause issues in a professional environment (she wants to be a teacher, I am and always will be, office based).
I should say I will ensure it is a reputable tattoo artist. She looks a lot older than she is, but if challenged I will have a suitable (illegitimate) ID available.
Part of me thinks that I just want to get a gift that she will appreciate forever, but the other part of me thinks that this is the right time as she is developing her independence and she has had enough time to consider.
She already has a life plan and a boyfriend etc (?precociousness associated with trauma).
If IABU due to the illegitimate ID, please let me know that this is the reason. The means are a different issue for me. I would always ensure there were zero repercussions on the establishment and owner of the ID.

I think this is a lovely idea but wait a couple of years and see how she feels about it then.

You can get a semi-permanent inking of the design, in the place she would choose to have it, and let her have a practice at living with it.
She may not want a permanent reminder of something so traumatic once she’s older.

ilovemanchester.com/child-friendly-temporary-i-love-mcr-bee-tattoos-go-on-sale-in-manchester/

That makes no sense at all. How can you say she isn’t in a position to proceed independently, then say she could go to a back street place?

Your whole post screams YOU YOU YOU.

When she wants a tattoo, and when she is 18 and not using fake ID then she can get one. I think you are forgetting which of you was actually there.

Don’t be daft. Wait until she’s older.

FWIW, I’m having a tattoo removed at the moment. It’s a long, expensive and somewhat painful process.

Thanks all. Will agree to do it in 2 years if she still wants it then. Can appreciate it’s still too soon.

Another vote for leaving it until she is 18.

She has waited 3 years, she can wait two more. Using a fake ID can get you in trouble and the artist. You don't have parental responsibility for her. If your parents were really ok with this, they would take her themselves. It can hurt , especially depending on where on her body she wants it .This is not a piercing or something you can change your mind about easily. I'd also worry about her carrying a permanent reminder of something that caused her PTSD.

The rules are in place for a reason and I say this as someone who has several tattoos.

I’m going to be really harsh here, sorry: no, don’t permanently mark a fucking teenager because you think it has meaning, that’s a completely moronic thing to do. There is a reason the minimum age is 18. There’s loads of shit I wanted to do at 16 that thank god I didn’t. Don’t be an idiot.

I agree with this. Maybe try to deal directly with the trauma your sister has endured - a tattoo is an easy "look at me supporting you" whereas really supporting her in her ptsd might be more complicated.

Plus tattoos are addictive imo. the earlier you start the more you have.

No! Don’t do it!

You are imposing your influence and this is their body, not yours. It’s just not on.

I would always ensure there were zero repercussions on the establishment and owner of the ID.

You could not guarantee any of the things you claim in respect to the tattoo artist, nor the owner of the id, its just highlighting your naivety.

Also your sister has PTSD, and although she has been wanting the tattoo for 3 years, there's no guarantee that in another 3 years when she's old enough to have a tattoo, and has had more time to process her trauma, that she would still want a permanent reminder.

You've already said that your mum doesn't like them, so I think you're being extremely unreasonable to even think about going behind her back with such a permanent thing!

Why on earth would you want to ay for her to be tattooed with something that everytime she undressed/dresses/showers etc she is going to see it and because of what it's meant to symbolise it will trigger her PTSD ....

Please do not pay for a tattoo, let the poor girl have the chance of recovering without having a visual reminder permanently etched on her

@pallisers "... tattoos are addictive imo" most people agree with this. I currently have 2, both with very personal meanings to me, I'm not ruling out more, because you never know...

First off, I'm so sorry your sister went through that and I hope she has had some form of counselling/therapy to help her cope with the PTSD.

On to your question. I'm fairly sure tattooing anyone under 18 falls under a charge of assault of a minor. Also, how good is the fake ID really going to be? Any reputable studio should know how to check an ID and one that doesn't probably isn't a good studio.

Your sister may look older but at 16 I doubt she looks older than maybe 21/22. Every studio I've ever been tattooed in checks ID, even if you look old enough. I get checked and I'm 38. My friend is the artist in a studio and they still ask me for ID so they can say they have checked it.

The repercussions on the establishment could be anything from a fine to being shut down and that wouldn't be decided by you so I'm not sure how you would ensure no repercussions for them.

Basically, you're being totally unreasonable.

A life plan at 16, I had one of them too. It's not an indication of maturity or anything. It's just what we do as teens to start thinking about our lives when we're out of school and in the world. A boyfriend, again, loads of 16 year old have those. They usually last a few months to a year and then they bugger off to uni in different cities and forget each other's names. Again, not an indicator of anything other than normal growing up.

Oh, but in case you do decide to try this anyway the artist won't be asking you where she should get it done so if she says her forearm or somewhere you have decided is restricted, that's where it's going. And it'll look highly suspicious and weird if you're like "no, no, sis, remember we talked about this and you've not to get it there."

are you out of your fucking mind? Are you an actual grown-up parent or do you just want to suck up to a 16-year-old? This is one of the most idiotic, immature ideas I can imagine.

Oh, sorry, I just realized you're the sister, not the parent. Which makes it even creepier and more wrong. Just no.

I love tattoos. I have a few, planning on getting more and spend a weekend every year at the british tattoo show in london. But shes 16. Its very illegal, a big decision to make and one she should be making herself when she is old enough to deal with the consequences herself. Another vote for definitely don't do it.

Well, apart from no reputable tattooist worth their salt would even allow her into the shop under the age of 18, you will be permanently marking her for life.
If in two years time she still thinks it's a good idea then fine.

Just no. Do not go behind your parents back to source fake id and get a tattoo for your sister when they’re unlikely to approve. That in itself is a stupid idea. The thing that would worry me more are the long-term mental health implications of having a permanent reminder. She must still be processing a lot and if she is still working through the ptsd, I’d be worried about having a constant reminder of trauma. If

I’m glad you have had a re-think OP.

I have the Mcr Bee tattoo.

Although I get your reasoning (I think), I also think pushing her to have a reminder of this event that she's tried so hard to get over tattooed on her body for the rest of her life is possibly a mistake (that's upto her). She'll feel beholden to have it done.

Also, poor fucking tattoo artist. They train and train and train, put themselves through years of qualifications, and base their whole livelihood (homes, children) around being able to earn a living. You're willing to put an innocent artist in the position of losing their whole life for what?
That's worse for me. The law is very clear and the minute they stick a needle in a 16yr old, you can't stop a potential prosecution. The fact that you think you could is either staggeringly naive or arrogant. Neither are a good look.

YABU. If you truly believe she is at risk of attempting to get an illegal tattoo, you could instead make a pledge that you will do your joint tattoo plan when she is of legal age. It could give her motivation to wait till she's at least 18.

Parental consent is irrelevant. It's illegal to tattoo someone under 18 even with parental consent.

DS on Mumsnet usually refers to your son, it would normally be DSis for sister OP. Either way though, 16 is illegal to get a tattoo so don't do it.

1. It's illegal.
2. It's illegal.
3. It's illegal.

Sit yourself down, have a cup of tea and work out what handbag/makeup/hairdryer she'd like and get this ridiculous idea out of your head.

If she says she wants one for her 18th, fair enough, pay for it. Until then, find out whether she wants a Dyson or a Bablyliss. Like a normal sister would do.

I’m glad you’ve reconsidered. You would be putting the livelihood of the tattoo artist at risk. If the school found out (likely as it would be the talk of the school), it would probably be reported to social services. I bet your father would regret his implied consent then.