To think teacher shouldn’t describe child as arrogant?

[pinkgreenpurpleblue]

AIBU to be uncomfortable with this adjective ascribed to (nearly 13 year old) child?

It's exactly the right time to be picking up on their character. As you say, character is being formed.if they are developing into an arrogant git then now is the time to help prevent that. Teach your kid how to behave. Stop being so precious about being told when your kid is acting out of order.

Everyone who meets anyone forms opinions on their attitude. You dont want them going through life with people thinking "what an arrogant dick" so they need to learn now.

I wouldn’t like my child being called arrogant, but I would like it even less for them to be arrogant.

I agree that 'arrogant' is a judgement - it takes behaviour that can be described, and assumes the reason for that behaviour is that the child (in this case) believes they are better than everyone else.

If a student tries to correct the teacher that could be for a number of reasons. The teacher may be wrong. The student might think they know best about everything, but are wrong. It might be a topic with a number of different perspectives. The student might have poor social skills, and their way of asking for further explanation comes across as disagreeing.

I was badly bullied at school, and withdrew completely. About a decade later I ran into someone from my class in a completely unexpected situation (hundreds of miles away). Not someone I knew that well, but we had been in the same class for several years. He raved about how independent and confident I had been, how immune from the peer pressure he and others felt... in truth, I had been terrified to interact with anyone, and it took me years for my mental health to recover. Behaviour can have any number of explanations.

If the teacher has a problem with a child's behaviour, they need to be clear on what exactly the problem behaviour is, and what they want to see changed.

'Often disagrees with XYZ... they need to come and see me after the lesson if they have any queries about the way I present XYZ, otherwise it is a distraction for the other students' for example.

Assuming a reason does not help anyone.

I’ve taught plenty of arrogant students, nearly all male. I do pull them up on it but like others it always tricky at parents evening as many parents do not want to hear the truth. Arrogant students do themselves no favours nor does the idea that they are still young so it can be excused ( whilst the rest of the class and the teacher just have to lump it)

It’s not enough for a teacher to comment on poor behaviour without judgment of that behaviour. Part of education is character education.

His essays are obviously bollocks but the teacher is too polite and professional to say that to your child, or you.
Do you honestly think your CHILD knows better than a trained professional with degree in the subject, probably years of exam and essay assessment experience and post graduate university qualifications to become qualified teacher?

Often disagrees with XYZ... they need to come and see me after the lesson if they have any queries about the way I present XYZ, otherwise it is a distraction for the other students' for example

^^ This. Precise, and locates the problem where it is likely to be causing the damage, the classroom.

OP, in the context you describe (and yes, that is context) in your later post, that sounds quite frustrating. There's no point to the comment if she can't/doesn't explain what behaviours she is referring to. In general, it can be a useful word in describing someone (including a pupil) but in the context of a parents' evening any nonpositive comment should only be made if the teacher thinks the parent can make use of the information and there's not a lot you can do with "arrogant" on its own if it isn't something you've already been aware of. You need the specific behaviours the teacher thinks are arrogant are made plain.

Teacher can't make it plain without being sacked. Please see above comments for deciphering.

If you are concerned OP, then I suggest you send an email to the teacher regarding that comment and asking for some further insight into how your son is behaving. As a teacher I probably wouldn't use that word, but if I have read the thread correctly I believe this was said to you at parents' evening which is a busy and stressful night when we've one set of parents after another. I've often felt I'm speaking gibberish by the end of such evenings and I'm sure I've worded my opinions poorly on occasion. A follow up email would probably be helpful to either reassure you or explain the situation better.

In general, it can be a useful word in describing someone (including a pupil) but in the context of a parents' evening any nonpositive comment should only be made if the teacher thinks the parent can make use of the information and there's not a lot you can do with "arrogant" on its own if it isn't something you've already been aware of

My school has a useful rule - no surprises at parents' evenings or on end of term reports. Anything significant should already have been raised. OP, was the assessment of your son a surprise, or had interim reports indicated poor attitude?

That’s fine. Girls don’t have to be nice if they don’t want to be. Boys never get picked out on that kind of shit.

While I completely understand and agree with this sentiment about society in general, I don't think it's true of a teacher making a report. I would never be that honest (it's asking for trouble) but I would describe far more male students in that way than female (for obvious reasons).

I think if a teacher has used that word it probably indicates a problem- either arrogance about learning (which will limit them a lot) or a poor attitude (which will get in the way of learning).

Posts like this make me so worried about the future generation.

Parents like this are why they're calling it the "snowflake generation" .

The teacher called your child "arrogant", they did not call them "a little shit". I suggest you read between the lines and tell them to stop being a little shit in class.

Just me feeling uncomfortable about character judgements about a child? Ie someone whose character is still very much forming?

so the right time to address the character and channel it in the right direction?

Replace "arrogant" by "bully". Still uncomfortable to make judgments?

Very well said @DivGirl

Except I’m not at all convinced he is being a ‘little shit’ no detentions, notes in planner (I do check) or negatives on his conduct card. All either positive or neutral. So I have to tell him to stop being a little shit based on nothing? That’s horrible.

Just me feeling uncomfortable about character judgements about a child? Ie someone whose character is still very much forming? For the record, I think ‘x’s behaviour when they said/did was arrogant’ is acceptable but ‘x is arrogant’ is not.

This is such a nonsense distinction. If you persist in behaving in a way others find arrogant, 99 times out of 100, it’s because you are arrogant. What’s the problem with saying it if it’s true?

So I have to tell him to stop being a little shit based on nothing? That’s horrible.

Just tell him to stop being arrogant?

Have you just ignored the posters explaining that a child can be well behaved and arrogant?

Did the teacher really say Nigel is arrogant or did she say ' sometimes he can be arrogant'. It does make a difference in nuance. I find it unlikely she said 'he is arrogant' as a standalone sentence but, if so, it's bit direct. is the teacher quite new. I said some slightly inadvisable things in my first few parents' evenings. I really don't understand why you didn't pull her up. I learnt to measure my language when a parent queried my word choice. I wouldn't expect someone to walk off into the sunset and then complain about me on a SM platform.

I don't think there's anything wrong with calling a child that but it's important they give you context. Otherwise how can you support the teacher in dealing with it? Let's be honest, we'd all be a bit taken aback to have quite a strong criticism like that of our children without any opportunity to find out exactly how they are being arrogant.

I could be a teacher and deal with classrooms full of kids who were little shits all day long, but no way I would want to deal with the damned parents.

Arrogant people seem to get on in life so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Sorry op go try working in a high school for six months then come back and tell us how you went on!