To think teacher shouldn’t describe child as arrogant?

[pinkgreenpurpleblue]

AIBU to be uncomfortable with this adjective ascribed to (nearly 13 year old) child?

No, cohle I would prefer the teacher to say what is arrogant about his behaviour. As it is am left with her is good at the subject and well behaved but arrogant’ which leaves me thinking it’s a personality thing.

Arrogance can often lead to poor results.
Not listening to the right way to answer questions for example or thinking they know better than the teacher so it is an important quality to identify.

I did!!

Some children are arrogant, though. A girl in my Dad's year is incredibly arrogant. She's very academically able, but unfortunately having been told so many times has led her to behave as if she is 'better' than others. I saw her recently and she treated my DD with SN with a very visible disdain. I have no issue with her, she's growing up and finding herself, but her arrogance is clearly observable.

Maybe just discuss child’s academic abilities and behaviour and not pass comment on her personal view?

If a teacher said they were a lovely, pleasant, helpful student who brightened their day and was always cheerful and tried their best, you'd take it though?

'Your child is achieving X and needs to improve in X' is a bit of bland, pointless parents evening conversation. So much of teaching these days is about relationships, the good and the bad.

I would prefer the teacher to say what is arrogant about his behaviour. As it is am left with her is good at the subject and well behaved but arrogant’ which leaves me thinking it’s a personality thing.

So what did the teacher say when you asked what is arrogant about his behaviour, or was it written in a school report?

No, cohle I would prefer the teacher to say what is arrogant about his behaviour.

Then why didn't you ask for examples at the time? I'm not sure why the teacher finding creative ways to describe the nature of arrogance would be instructive.

Surely it’s better you know so that you can address the issue? Bring arrogant is a personality problem same as being shy or unkind. I don’t understand why you are upset with the teacher for bringing it to your attention.

I did!!

And?

Sorry I cross posted OP.
It if were me I would have said something like, ‘unfortunately x can come across as arrogant and doesn’t always seem to value my knowledge’ or ‘x can be arrogant so does not always work well in group situations when he/she has to listen to others views.’

Worra I’m not trying to be rude but this is getting quite frustrating, I was told various things, all positive, and then added ‘but x is very arrogant.’ I asked in what sense and got told her is arrogant.’ I didn’t have time to keeppushing it (queue of other parents) and I was quite put out to be honest.

Some children are arrogant, though.

I agree. Even till this day I still remember the kids who walked around thinking and acting like they're 'better' than everyone else for whatever reason. There's nothing wrong with the word arrogant. Would be helpful if she followed that up with a 'because..."

Describing someone as arrogant is a description of their behaviour

Well, is the child arrogant? It’s not rude to say so, even if it’s hard to hear. And it’s behavioural so - IMO- well within the teachers remit.

If a teacher was telling me that about my child (I’m assuming a scenario here as you’re being a bit vague) I would be 1)shocked/upset, and 2) glad they’d said, so that I could work with my child to help them come across as less of an arse to others and hopefully, fare better in life as a result.

Worra I’m not trying to be rude but this is getting quite frustrating, I was told various things, all positive, and then added ‘but x is very arrogant.’ I asked in what sense and got told her is arrogant.’ I didn’t have time to keeppushing it (queue of other parents) and I was quite put out to be honest.

The problem isn't that the teacher called him 'arrogant' then — it's that she failed to say why she came to that conclusion.

What did the teacher say when you asked her why she said it/what she meant??

Urgh op, honestly, take it on the chin. Don't transform this into "a personality thing" which basically absolves your DC of all responsibility. He is arrogant / behaving arrogantly. Fix it.

Aka "please don't tell the truth about my child's behaviour".

Anecdotally, when I've taught arrogant students at least 50% of them have parents who won't accept their darling is arrogant and staff are always in the wrong.

If he/she had said "and X is kind" would you then have expected her to spend 5 minutes describing kind behaviours or would you have accepted it?

I did!!

and....? Is this going to be one of those drip feed stories that keep giving?

Worra I’m not trying to be rude but this is getting quite frustrating, I was told various things, all positive, and then added ‘but x is very arrogant.’ I asked in what sense and got told her is arrogant.’ I didn’t have time to keeppushing it (queue of other parents) and I was quite put out to be honest.

The other parents aren't your responsibility.

If you really wanted to hear the truth about your child, you should have waited for answers.

If he/she had said "and X is kind" would you then have expected her to spend 5 minutes describing kind behaviours or would you have accepted it?

I think the difference here is that good behaviour doesn't need correcting but bad behaviour does.

I work in education. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to describe a secondary school age child as arrogant (if they are) but you’re right in that there definitely needs to be context behind it. Something like-

“X will frequently interrupt while others are talking in order to put their own view across. This can come across as disrespectful and arrogant.”

I’m not sure I’ve ever taught a pupil who I would describe as well behaved but arrogant