To not let DD go on this trip?

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

Hands up, I’m quite anxious about this exact situation, I fear abduction but DH also thinks he’s leaning towards no as well but we’d like further opinion.

Dd has been invited by cubs to go on a seven day camp during May half term to a city 80 miles away. She’s 9, will be almost 10 at the time.

She goes on school trips, other cubs trips, family sleepovers etc and she’s our youngest child fwiw so no pfb here.

I just think this is too far and for too long and too risky but would appreciate your votes!

Am I unreasonable for declining the invitation?

There's a local lad who got into premier football youth development programme; 8yrs old he was travelling all over Europe playing against other 'elite' 8 yr olds. His parents missed him but happy to support him however they could.

No from me. I dont trust organisations like this.

No I wouldnt let my child go away for a whole week with cubs unless they were really desperate to go. Its cubs, they see your kid in a group once a week. They barely know them. I dont think any of my children would want to do this. A weekend, yes. A school holiday where they knew their classmates and teachers well, is also different

I went away for 7 nights with Brownies each summer from the age of 7, this would have been 2004, so before mobile phones but not a long time ago. I'm surprised at how the majority of responses seem to think a week away is unreasonable for an almost 10 year old. I always had a great time.

I get why you're fretting about it, it's a week long and shes only 9 but there must be a good adult child ratio there always is for longer trips away and as you know your fear of abduction is just irrational, not that that makes it any less real for you I'm sure.

Are there any other ways around it, perhaps ask if you could be a helper/ask around if a mum you know from group will be going to help. Put your mind at rest a bit perhaps?

Oh go on then, @speakout I’ll bite. Pray tell me WHY don’t you trust organisations like this?
Most of us became leaders when our children joined and we saw 1: how much fun they have and what skills they learn and 2: how hard the leaders work for no pay whatsoever- they do it to repay the kindness someone else gave in giving up their time for their children.

That would be too long for me at that age (I’m a brownie leader too).

Oh and my older children have been on scout camps before (at age 12 for a week).

Your GAD is relevant.

But that not a scenario which makes it likely your DD would be specifically targeted for abduction - means the abduction risk is actually not real - sorry. Almost all children are abducted each year are abducted by someone they know - usually a parent

The fact she is your youngest is relevant - a wise head teacher once said it is the oldest and youngest who parents struggle most over (letting them go to camp or when they transition school etc.).

But if you let her brother do the same camp, it is very unfair to stop her from doing it. It isn't that far really - you could get there fairly quickly if something happened.

And in my experience Scouts and Guides are very well set up for this kind of thing, much more so than schools sometimes. My youngest certainly was much better looked after on Brownie Holidays than school trips.

I think you should ask DD if she wants to go, and if she does then let her. You won't be able to keep it a secret from her, and if she wants to go and you don't let her she will be angry and sad.

As for the two posters who said they don't trust organisations like this, or wouldn't let their child go because they had no faith in their ability to look after kids that age - well, I'm almost speechless. It's the cubs FFS, they've been doing this sort of thing for many decades!!!! I feel sorry for children of parents like this.

I have 4 children and I always allow them to go on these school residential trips as I don't want them to be different from their friends, so long as they want to of course. However, I do think they cope a lot better and get more out of the trips when they are slightly older (age 11 or so). Obviously depends on each child though, but I don't want them to feel like they are missing out.

Seven nights is a bit much at cub level longest mine done is three nights although he absolutely loved it. Beavers camp for one night start them off but camping is a major part of scouts.
Love it how all the leaders are dodgy or untrustworthy good enough for free childcare every week and all the free hard work they put in every day. Sorry DH beaver leader needs a medal thank you all leaders and assistants.

But sometimes I just can’t believe that someone is fine letting their son do something and not their daughter.

Can I just elaborate on this tiny detail that you’ve managed to pick on and make out like I’m a terrible human being who shouldn’t have been allowed to have children in the first place....

This happened (My sons trip) 4 or 5 years ago and I wasn’t in the same place with my anxiety then. It’s nothing to do with treating them differently because of their sexes. I don’t know why you’re doing this but I won’t let you make me ashamed for asking for advice. I’m not ruining my children’s lives. They are hugely keen on outdoor activities such as climbing, abseiling etc that I have always encouraged. They have all been through the beaver and cubs movements and been on many school residential trips over the years. My eldest is 16 and goes out and about, meeting friends, going in to town etc. I use sensible but not over the top precautions such as making sure he takes his phone. My youngest is very sporty and confident in her abilities and loves a challenge. She’s certainly got no anxiety issues!

I’ve had one single concern about sending her on a trip which I believe is probably a bit far and a bit longer than I would ideally like and you’re making out like I’m a child abuser. If your job really is to help those with mental health issues then I hope to god you aren’t as nasty as you are on here. I hope you’re just doing it because you’re feeling brave behind your keyboard.

Tbh I don't see what you are going to get out of this thread (particularly on AIBU). You know full well that the reason you're unsure about the trip is because you have anxiety. Posters who are also anxious parents are going to say YANBU. Everyone else is going to say YABU. You're probably going to cling to the YANBUs to justify your feelings. Your child being abducted is vanishingly unlikely in ANY situation, whether they are 80 miles away, 800 miles away or 8000 miles away. Better to continue to work on your irrational fears than to seek MN's justification of them.

Why will she be abducted? Is your family high profile? I think you’re overthinking this @GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Don’t mollycoddle her.

I haven’t read all of the pages, but having read AIBU for a while, all mumsnet people think children should go on trips, regardless of if you can afford it, or if it’s safe or sensible to do so.

As mumsnet says on other occasions, it’s not compulsory.

If you are not happy about it, don’t send her 😀. It’s not the end of the world if she misses this.

Cubs/Scouts/Brownies are an amazing place for ids to grow up, partly through exactly this sort of experience. Going away, safely, and being independent whilst supervised.

I do see those saying "I don't trust these organisations" and "I don't know the helpers". What is your ideal? "My kids learn to be independent by me entrusting them only to people I've personally vetted and approve of" Well good luck with vetting their teachers, or their aunts new boyfriend or their employer.

And having helped on school trips, volunteered at playgroups, have children of my own.
No one looks after your children like you do, not even family.

Do what is right for your family and ignore everyone else.

My small child came back with a massive bump on their head on a similar overnight trip recently. No one knew they had done it, yet they had a really bad headache when we collected them, as well as the bump

There’s actually been some really kind posters and sound advice that I will take away and ponder on. Dh and I will make a decision together with DD of course.

Thanks all!

Yanbu in questioning letting her go & I think you’ve been given a very hard time on here.
For me, at her age it’s just a bit long - I would be concerned about lack of sleep & having to go straight back to school afterwards. Ultimately though I guess it kind of depends on how much she wants to go.
Good luck with whatever you decide

Oh go on then, @speakout I’ll bite. Pray tell me WHY don’t you trust organisations like this?

Full of peados aren't they. Well known fact.

Too long and I dont think that sounds like a great set up either. Abduction fears aside they could get up and wonder off.
I doubt you'll be the only parent saying no! Why is it for 7 nights?!

I would let her go if she wants to, she’ll have an amazing time.

Mine did a week away (3 hour drive from home) with brownies at 8, and a week abroad with guides at just turned 10. Abduction didn’t even occur to me as a possibility. She had an amazing time.

I think you’re actually doing really well considering it and letting your children do everything they do. There are parents with your same condition and fears that would have never let their children join something like scouts in the first place or to do any of the trips you’ve said they’ve done. It does seem quite a long trip but if your daughter wants to go, I think you have to let her make that decision. Abduction is obviously incredibly unlikely and there may be specific things you can ask the leaders to let you know (eg itinerary, if the site is secure etc)if it would help you make the decision.

Alaimo: If you let your son go at that age it would seem really unfair not to let your daughter go

I agree with this. Not because I think you're sexist, but because it's really unfair to allow one child to do something fun but not the other.

My mum let my eldest brother go on trips that us younger ones weren't allowed to do. I'm 49 and still feel the resentment of the kid that I was forced to stay at home or school and miss out. Having to hear how much fun the other kids in my class had. It felt cruel.

Please find the courage to let her go.