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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To suspect DH has a (secret) 2nd phone?!

260 replies

QueenOfTheXtrainer · 10/01/2020 17:10

DH has been glued to his phone for the last few months including spending lots of time in the loo with it. Even taking it in the bathroom when he showers. He was also on Viber a lot while at work and until late at night at home.

Obvs I’ve been very suspicious because he’s also been losing weight and generally improving his appearance.

We have had numerous discussions where I have asked him if there’s OW but he swears blind there’s not and I’m nuts of courseAngry.

Since I’ve asked him he now leaves the phone around a lot, leaves it downstairs when going to the loo (still spends ages in there), even when popping to the shops which is very unusual!

The other night was peculiar as he was in the main bathroom for a long time and his phone was in our room, so I hung around on the landing pretending to sort out the dirty washing basket to see if he had anything with him when he came out. As he walked into our bedroom, I could clearly see a phone shaped object in his pocket. He then quickly went into our en suite for a shower. I was quite shocked but kept my mouth shut. When he came out he had his dirty clothes in a bundle and walked out to put them in the washing basket but also went into our (sleeping) DS’s room and hung around there for a few mins. I decided to check DS’s room when he was asleep but found nothing. Searched everywhere. I woke him up and told him I’d seen a phone shaped object in his pocket but his phone was on the bed at that point but he denied it and said it must have been his wallet, so I asked him to show me his wallet then but it was downstairs in his jacket ( he hadn’t been back downstairs). I am 100% sure he had something in his pocket.

Also noticed he is hardly ever on Viber at the moment when he was on there constantly a few weeks ago.

Starting to think I was hallucinating! He has no chance to cheat but worried he’s talking to someone.

Another thing is quite often he wants to be intimate but will often turn me down if I instigate it. A few days ago, we had out first day at home when we were both off work and all DC at school in weeks, usually we spend it in bed as it’s the time we can make any noise! I had to go out in the morning but told him to be ‘ready’ when I got back but he was just sitting watching TV. I decided to wait for him to instigate it as I’d already mentioned it but he didn’t. Totally ignored me! Then just before the DC had to be picked up, he said why you in a mood, did someone upset you? obviously knowing I was upset. We had a row and he blamed me for not asking him to go upstairsConfused.

This is a real headfuck. Any ideas how could find out if he has a 2nd phone, obviously PAYG. I have checked his car and he knows that I have!

OP posts:
MyOwnSummer · 10/01/2020 17:25

There's an app you can get which shows you all devices connected to your wifi ...forget what its called. That doesn't rule out phones which are using mobile data but the most likely case is that he's got a cheap burner phone without much of a data plan, hence it's likely to be on your wifi.

Sorry this is happening OP. It sounds really unpleasant.

QueenOfTheXtrainer · 10/01/2020 17:40

Thanks Summer. Great idea. I’ll find that app.

What made me more suspicious was him spending ages in the loo but his phone was downstairs! Very odd as surely he’d be bored sitting in there for over an hour Hmm.

He’s back at work now though after 3 weeks off so may not use the phone at home now. He has a locker at work he keeps stuff in which I’ll never get access to. Would definitely be someone at work if there is someone.

Ho hum!

OP posts:
yogo · 10/01/2020 17:43

Oh what a shame you didn't ask him when you saw it.

I hope it's innocent.

violetbunny · 10/01/2020 17:43

Trust your instincts, OP.
Does he have his own car? If so then I would also check there. I'd be very tempted to put some kind of voice recording device in it too.

BinningTheBooze · 10/01/2020 17:44

When my brother in law had multiple affairs he spent ages in the toilet with his phone. Looking back it was THE biggest indicator of the affair. He did it all the time. Oh and he "worked late" too obv.

Don't doubt yourself. I would be tearing the house apart looking or, frankly, accidentally breaking the lock on the bathroom door and walking in.

CharlotteMD · 10/01/2020 18:02

Bug your H's car and smash the bathroom door down when he's having a wank. Had a hard day at the coal face today but that made me chortle.

lyingwanker · 10/01/2020 18:02

You don't need an app, you can usually just log into your router and see all the devices that have ever connected to your Wi-fi. They don't need to be on it at that moment either. I've done this with both sky and BT, I'm sure they're all the same though

mummmy2017 · 10/01/2020 18:10

Turn the WiFi off next time he goes into the loo.
Woops,

QueenOfTheXtrainer · 10/01/2020 18:11

I was more in disbelief that my suspicions were right when I saw that he had something that looked like a phone in his pocket. Of course if I could go back I’d wrestle it out of his shorts! I thought better to find it, if there was anything, than accuse him again.

We have Sky but he has the account. Not sure of password. Have to get it out of him somehow!

Thanks ladies.

The intimacy thing is weird too. He’s either gagging for it or quite cruel in showing he’s not interested. Does that fit an affair pattern? There was a definite lack of it before I first accused him but he’s upped his game and is much more affectionate now as well Hmm.

He even googled’ how to improve my appearance’ Confused.

OP posts:
Elle7rose · 10/01/2020 18:12

I also think you should trust your instincts and continue to collect evidence at least until he provides a better explanation for his weird behaviour.

Justanotherlurker · 10/01/2020 18:13

You don't need an app, you can usually just log into your router and see all the devices that have ever connected to your Wi-fi.

Not true, most ISP branded routers do not have the logging facility.

You can see what is connected, but not what has connected for ever. Even most IT firms do not have this, we would have to set the WIFI spot into monitor mode and wireshark to see what is trying to connect to it.

Just look on the back of your router, you will have a sticker that will tell you how to get onto the routers admin panel, from there you will see an option as to what is connected.

mummmy2017 · 10/01/2020 18:13

Turn the sky off at the plug, how will he know it is off if he doesn't have his phone?

HollowTalk · 10/01/2020 18:14

He's pretty blatant, really, isn't he? Don't think he doesn't have the chance to have an affair - if he's seeing a married woman from work then there will be plenty of little opportunities. It only tends to be if the OW is single that the guy spends a lot of time out of the house.

maddening · 10/01/2020 18:15

Yanbu to be suspicious op, how to confirm one way or another goodness knows.

mummmy2017 · 10/01/2020 18:15

Try the numbers on the box first, before you reset it.

ElizabethMountbatten · 10/01/2020 18:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

Sexnotgender · 10/01/2020 18:17

You need to stop accusing him of stuff and be more sneaky!!!

Go through his pockets when he’s not around. Check his wardrobe, drawers etc for receipts or other information.

ChanklyBore · 10/01/2020 18:17

Surely you don’t need to actually know if he has another phone or not. By the sounds of it you don’t trust him as far as you can throw him. In that case, it’s over.

Tombliwho · 10/01/2020 18:20

I'm sorry this is happening OP.
Can I suggest not looking for the phone? It would prove what you're suspicious of but do you really need the proof when you've been made to feel this way by his behaviour?
I wouldn't want to stay with someone like this.

Orangepancakes · 10/01/2020 18:20

I'm sure I read somewhere on here that the app is called LAN Scanner, or something similar

QueenOfTheXtrainer · 10/01/2020 18:21

He did have ‘mentionitis’ about a young woman (similar age as oldest DC, early 20s) at work earlier this year. Again odd he mentioned her as he only normally mentions his actual friends at work who he works with and who are men. She was working in another department too. Not mentioned for a long time now.

It was also around that time he went out to the car one morning and drove off with the boot open. I was watching him from the bathroom window as he was seemed very uncharacteristically agitated before he left. I had to phone him to stop him! Not a mistake he would EVER normally make. That stuck in my mind as very odd behaviour.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

OP posts:
Undecided91 · 10/01/2020 18:21

yes definitely sounds like he is cheating. Sorry..

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 10/01/2020 18:24

q

QueenOfTheXtrainer · 10/01/2020 18:34

Done the wardrobe thing and checking all pockets. Sick of it now. I’ll be more devastated that he put me through this emotional distress of lying to my face and treating me like a fool, than an affair, if that’s what it isAngry

I’ve told him to leave if he wants something else but he says he doesn’t. I can’t fuck up DCs lives just on ‘paranoia’.

OP posts:
managedmis · 10/01/2020 18:36

Why wouldn't he have time to cheat?