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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To suspect DH has a (secret) 2nd phone?!

260 replies

QueenOfTheXtrainer · 10/01/2020 17:10

DH has been glued to his phone for the last few months including spending lots of time in the loo with it. Even taking it in the bathroom when he showers. He was also on Viber a lot while at work and until late at night at home.

Obvs I’ve been very suspicious because he’s also been losing weight and generally improving his appearance.

We have had numerous discussions where I have asked him if there’s OW but he swears blind there’s not and I’m nuts of courseAngry.

Since I’ve asked him he now leaves the phone around a lot, leaves it downstairs when going to the loo (still spends ages in there), even when popping to the shops which is very unusual!

The other night was peculiar as he was in the main bathroom for a long time and his phone was in our room, so I hung around on the landing pretending to sort out the dirty washing basket to see if he had anything with him when he came out. As he walked into our bedroom, I could clearly see a phone shaped object in his pocket. He then quickly went into our en suite for a shower. I was quite shocked but kept my mouth shut. When he came out he had his dirty clothes in a bundle and walked out to put them in the washing basket but also went into our (sleeping) DS’s room and hung around there for a few mins. I decided to check DS’s room when he was asleep but found nothing. Searched everywhere. I woke him up and told him I’d seen a phone shaped object in his pocket but his phone was on the bed at that point but he denied it and said it must have been his wallet, so I asked him to show me his wallet then but it was downstairs in his jacket ( he hadn’t been back downstairs). I am 100% sure he had something in his pocket.

Also noticed he is hardly ever on Viber at the moment when he was on there constantly a few weeks ago.

Starting to think I was hallucinating! He has no chance to cheat but worried he’s talking to someone.

Another thing is quite often he wants to be intimate but will often turn me down if I instigate it. A few days ago, we had out first day at home when we were both off work and all DC at school in weeks, usually we spend it in bed as it’s the time we can make any noise! I had to go out in the morning but told him to be ‘ready’ when I got back but he was just sitting watching TV. I decided to wait for him to instigate it as I’d already mentioned it but he didn’t. Totally ignored me! Then just before the DC had to be picked up, he said why you in a mood, did someone upset you? obviously knowing I was upset. We had a row and he blamed me for not asking him to go upstairsConfused.

This is a real headfuck. Any ideas how could find out if he has a 2nd phone, obviously PAYG. I have checked his car and he knows that I have!

OP posts:
BasilOfBakerStreet · 13/01/2020 18:05

@rachelfromfriends don't be mean. The OP is clearly going through a lot and it's bloody hard to sit on things when you want to know if it's true or not.
As for @GinDaddy calling posters bitter amateur detectives. I'm an actual detective and think she's doing fine given the circumstances.
Hope you're holding up okay OP Flowers

Holdencaulfieldshomeboy · 13/01/2020 23:55

How are you doing OP? So sorry you're going through this.

Nanny0gg · 14/01/2020 07:26

OP, is this any way to live? Whatever the outcome neither of you can live with this level of mistrust.

Do you not think this is the end of the road?

BringMeAGinandTonic · 15/01/2020 00:41

Hope you're doing okay, OP. I agree with the comment above and was just about to comment similar. This is no way to exist in a relationship, being worried he is with someone else/up to no good. It eats at you. I made the mistake of working it all out (or appearing as if that was the case) with my now ex after his cheating and the anxiety was tough. I'd worry was he with her again? Was he going to leave me for her any day now? It ate away at me.

Just hoping you're alright really and letting you know you're not alone.

Flowers
QueenOfTheXtrainer · 15/01/2020 09:24

We are currently in a stalemate. No I can’t live like this. I am quietly getting together an exit plan. It will take a few months but at least I know there is going to be an ending! He’s very upset I won’t shag him. Hoping that might force his hand and he’ll go of his own accord. Biggest worry is youngest DC, the other 3 are old enough to understand but I know he’s better off out of this toxic environment.

Thanks for the kind thoughts and support x

OP posts:
incognitomum · 15/01/2020 09:44

Sorry you're going through this Flowers

How old is youngest dc?

Bushhbb · 15/01/2020 11:52

Good for you for sticking to it. Hope it works out.

letmebefrank · 15/01/2020 16:59

Well done for realising you have got to get yourself and your DCs out of there.

He's not worthy of you.

Weenurse · 17/01/2020 22:18

💐

BlueSuffragette · 18/01/2020 09:07

Good luck OP. Glad you have a plan. Might want to think about getting an STI check just to be sure, especially if you think hes been having sex with someone else.

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