He likes vulnerable women - should I be worried

[Freshstart2020]

Hi all

Am recently separated and kind of seeing a guy, 15year age gap, he txt's me constantly, have gone on a handful of dates. Due to my separation (ex refused to tell family so wasnt public even though separated a year) we have had to be discreet.

Txting last night, silly conversation, he is also saying I am stunning but he isnt into me for my looks, I asked him what it actually is about me that he likes. His response was 'probably how vulnerable you are as a person, I'm attracted to vulnerable women as they need something'.

I was stunned.

Should I run?

have you ever been into bdsm? If its not what youre actively looking for, then id run now, as he already sounds creepy enough without a penchant for tying up and hurting vulnerable women to get himself off

Id text back , sorry mate, thats one red flag too many. I think this is going nowhere

He sounds creepy.

Read Gift of Fear by Gavin De Beck (sp?).

Red flag and a half I'd say OP, tread carefully.

I suppose I have developed feelings for him. He actually listens to me and isnt looking for quick shag

100 % YANBU. Says it all OP.

I have one friend who admitted once that after analysing his past and then-current partners, that he always seemed to end up with more vulnerable people. But despite his also being into the kink scene, he's actually lovely. He is very nurturing as a person, very gentle, very submissive. I know him because we dated for several months when we first met.

But. He's definitely one in a billion (looks after his friends all the time too) and this guy might not be like my friend at all.

Branleuse

I have zero experience of BDSM and no intention of getting into anything of the nature until I am in a better place myself and considering if its something I want with the right person

In addition to the points that have already been made, people who self-describe as having a "darker side" in a dating context are people to block.

He isn't looking for a quick shag.
The waiting game holds much more for him.
Abuse ime...

SeagullOnTheWind

Yes I definitely see that side to him. He has said he cannot allow himself to get too involved emotionally yet as he doesnt want to b crushed. I see through his job and what I know of him, he puts everyone except himself first

Run to the fucking hills.

He actually listens to me and isnt looking for quick shag

He’s grooming you.

Very early on I made a comment about feeling I was drowning most days and he said I am a great swimmer. I see both sides

Ok, ignore us then. You carry on.

Good lord OP.

You know this is bad, its why you're posting, trust your instincts!

I agree that he is grooming you. Run away and cut all contact. Look after yourself.

And yes, Google "gift of fear free pdf".

Sexnotgender

I'm not ignoring at all, I am so grateful for advice. As the thread expands I am remembering more things and posting, that is all

But what happens when you are no longer vulnerable? If he likes vulnerable women, when you have your strength back after your separation and you want to reassert yourself - won't he just leave you, because you are no longer 'the woman he fell for'?

And how can you have fallen for him if you hardly ever see him? You've fallen for the version of you that he wants you to see, and that's not necessarily who he ACTUALLY is, is it?

Easy to hide nasty tendencies behind a screen.

I feel silly for developing feelings, but feel there is a connection between us. He has been nothing but respectful when we are together

If you’re willing to listen then definitely do read the links posted above.

Make sure you keep your eyes firmly open if you plan to continue with this man.

09:54Zaphodsotherhead yes that is a fair comment

I will definitely take the advice

Not a link sorry, a recommendation of the gift of fear.

I’d find that patronising and it would get my back up, so he would be off. He sounds like a tit.