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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you go on holiday without your kids?

193 replies

Popc0rn · 09/01/2020 19:10

Just wondering what other people's thought are on this, would you go on holiday and choose not to take your young (aged less than 10) children with you? Children would be looked after by someone they are very close to.

YABU = No, I wouldn't go on holiday without my children.

YANBU = Yes, I would go on holiday without my children.

OP posts:

mindutopia · 09/01/2020 23:07

Yes, I do it every year. I leave dh at home too.

We also go away just the two of us, but not as often and not for more than 2 nights. We just don’t have the childcare. But I do dream that one day a week away together might be possible.

I also take one or the other dc away alone too, so we all get plenty of holiday time together.

It’s wonderful.

tillytrotter1 · 09/01/2020 23:08

Never felt smugger that standing in the check in queue to fly to the US and a family behind us were having a hell of a time with their teens!!! Ours were at home with friends.

Sparkle567 · 09/01/2020 23:08

In fact staying with relatives for a few days whilst parents are away can in fact be very beneficial to children

Says who? My kids stay at there relatives when they want. Not when they have to so I can go off on a jolly.

goose1964 · 09/01/2020 23:09

We did this a couple of times when the kids were little, they went to their gra and had wonderful times being spoilt rotten.

SockQueen · 09/01/2020 23:27

I feel mine are too young for us to do this at the moment, (3 and 7 months) but I'd certainly consider it in a few years time - if they were 6 and 9 I'd be much more tempted!

Festivecheeseandcrackers · 09/01/2020 23:29

A couple of nights, yes, a week no. But mine are 3 and 1 so...

midwest · 09/01/2020 23:41

@tillytrotter1 I felt quite smug when dc got on their transatlantic flight to stay with family and DH & I went to New Orleans for a long weekend.
We all enjoyed the freedom and had lots to talk about when we got back together.

Thesispieces · 09/01/2020 23:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ChristmasCarcass · 10/01/2020 00:01

Depends on who the children are being left with, and how long for. weekend away, husband looking after kids at home? No problem. Two weeks away with husband, children staying with grandparents in a strange house? Don't think they would like that. DC are under five though, if they were older I'd happily pack them off to DGM's for a week. I think more than a week is pushing it though.

Murmeli · 10/01/2020 00:04

@sparkle567 I can't quite put my finger on why, but I am inclined to agree with you.
Overnight to a wedding isn't a holiday, so I kind.of view that differently. I just feel very odd 'leaving behind' my child to go anywhere remotely fun, I guess I feel we are all missing out on each other's company. I couldn't imagine going away, leaving them and being able to enjoy that time. But that's just my opinion.
I do find it odd on here that people ask for opinions and then shoot down people who express a different view.

averythinline · 10/01/2020 00:09

No - have no childcare option that could use except in emergency ...and anyway DC like travelling.... we dont really do pool/beach holidays too much though.....but never have
DC favorites are city breaks! loved rome, madrid, venice,marseille, milan - in fact all citys we have been to have been enjoyed

yes trips arent the same as they were when went pre dc but they are still enjoyable - with each age it changes what you do when away - although most of our holdays are camping +/or city break

vacayonmymind · 10/01/2020 00:14

Yes I would and have done.

I went on holiday without them twice last year. One for two weeks, and one for three days. Neither trip was appropriate for kids. They stayed at home with their perfectly capable other parent, so I wasn’t “putting the responsibility onto someone else”.

We also went on holiday with them last year. It was hard work and not really enjoyed by anyone. The kids prefer to be at home.

I plan to do more travelling without them in the future. I have things I want to see that are of no interest to them.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/01/2020 00:16

Having a different view is fine @Murmeli. Calling someone a shitty parent because they do something different to you is unnecessary, judgemental, rude and sanctimonious . If it works for your family great, if it doesn't great, but lets not pretend that because you choose not to do something perfectly normal and legal and not harmful or morally wrong then you are better than everyone else.

midwest · 10/01/2020 00:23

I'm not a shitty parent because I leave my dc with alternative carers while I head down Bourbon Street, visit absinthe bars and have lots of daytime sex with DH.
I'm sure I would be a shitty parent if I included my dc in any of this.
A few days of not being parents is great for us and dc love living of sugar with DGM.
It is a win win situation.

QueenofmyPrinces · 10/01/2020 00:37

Me and DH do European city breaks where we are away for three days. I wouldn’t go for any longer than that and I wouldn’t go further afield either.

My husband takes our eldest son in holiday 2-3 times a year without me, and will be taking our youngest son this year too, and although I miss them I am fine being away from them because I know they’re with their dad.

DeRigueurMortis · 10/01/2020 01:18

Yes.

Have done so many times.

No, we are not evil parents, rather we have had lovely family holidays focused around the children and then taken holidays as a couple in locations they would not have enjoyed.

I appreciate we are in a privileged position financially to do this, equally we have strong family ties with both my parents and parents in law.

The children loved spending a week/ten days with their grandparents (being spoiled rotten) and our parents loved having the children to themselves - even taking them on holiday with them on occasion.

They are older now and dynamics have changed but the children still talk fondly not only about our family holidays but also the time spent with their grandparents.

Caveat: we were fortunate. If financial constraints meant only one holiday then we would absolutely have chosen the family holiday with the children.

DeRigueurMortis · 10/01/2020 01:21

I'm not a shitty parent because I leave my dc with alternative carers while I head down Bourbon Street, visit absinthe bars and have lots of daytime sex with DH. I'm sure I would be a shitty parent if I included my dc in any of this.*

Wins the thread hands down

Justtrying · 10/01/2020 01:27

I wouldn't go away for a proper holiday without 8 year old DD, but up to 3 days yes providing I had organised something fun with either my parents or dsis for her to do in the mean time. I work away quite a bit do really want to have family time together when I'm off

Underhisi · 10/01/2020 05:59

No because ds's needs are too great and so it is not reasonable to leave him with anyone else.

toomuchtooold · 10/01/2020 06:22

I clicked YABU because that's how you wanted the poll done but I don't actually think you ABU, as long as the kids are happy with it, I just wouldn't. I was 35 when I had my kids, I'd been on tons of adults only holidays already, and there aren't actually that many years for family holidays before they start getting too old for hanging about with mum and dad. Also, tbh, the only people who could look after them are MIL and FIL and FIL is a bit of a knob so...

Lulu2106 · 10/01/2020 06:26

I have actually just booked a 4 day break abroad with some friends and felt so guilty as soon as I booked. DC are 4 and 5 and will be staying with DH but I haven't stopped feeling bad since. I almost regret it! Although I'm sure once I get there I will be fine.

Whichoneofyoudidthat · 10/01/2020 06:31

I have done yes. Twice.

Bouledeneige · 10/01/2020 06:41

My ex and I had a few weekends away together positively encouraged to do so by my MIL who wanted the chance to look after my DC on her own. Since we split I have been away quite a few times - mostly adding breaks onto business trips abroad. So my DC were looked after by their Dad. This was very much a quid pro quo since as an academic he is often away - around three months every year. I've never felt quirky about it and I've been very lucky to see the world - US, Australia, Singapore, Japan, Kenya, Finland. It sounds a lot but spread over 19 years it's nit so much. My kids are grown and respect me that I've been a very loving Mum and that I've lived an interesting and independent life. They are not that close to their Dad though - he was just quite absent .

BlouseAndSkirt · 10/01/2020 06:47

Depends.
How long for?
Is there another family holiday ?

Ishotmrburns · 10/01/2020 06:53

For me it would depend on exactly how old the kids were (you say under 10 but a 9yr old and a 6month old are very different) ,who I was leaving them with and whether or not I could easily get back if the kids wouldn't settle.

If the kids are on the older side of the under 10 spectrum, you trust the people they are being left with and you are able to get back if things aren't going well then yeah, sure. I'd be ok with going on holiday without them.

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