To think British folk don't tolerate "privileged complaining" like the US?

[GinDaddy]

yes this is another topic partially related to Duke/Duchess of Sussex. If you don't like this, apologies in advance

I read a thread on here titled "The racists have won" regarding Harry and Meghan's withdrawl from public life.

AIBU to have a different perspective entirely? That their thin-skinnedness and endless preaching about the issuesdrew more vitriol towards them - and their whole approach was very badly suited to British life?

Bear with me :

Yes as a mixed-race (white/caribbean) person, I winced at the "outta Compton" headlines that greeted the latest addition to the Firm. I despaired at the "blood-thickening" comments that were made about Meghan's heritage and any children.

I'm not suggesting that any of this could simply be overlooked, and for sure it has an impact on a person's mental health.

Yet it precipitated dozens of column inches and angry statements from Harry, with strange and emotive allusions to his mother's death. It triggered that dreadful ITV stuff where Meghan says her and Harry are "existing, not living" - a comment which was extraordinary when you consider some of the challenges British people face. (Who is advising these people here?!)

Such commentary may be described as "woke" in the US. It might be considered on-trend to speak out and stand up to such things.

However in the UK, I feel it's more a country of deeds not words . To borrow a cricket analogy, being in UK public life is a bit like Test cricket. You can't come out on the attack or you'll lose your wicket within the hour. Instead, you will get bouncers hurled at you for the first few sessions of your innings, and you have to bat time and survive, dig in, and then start to accumulate once you've seen off a few.

AIBU to think Harry and Meghan could have ridden all this out if they had quietly gone about public life, working on a few select British-focused charities, supporting those closest to succession, and simply following the Duchess of Cambridge approach? You might be "Waity Katy" when we first meet you, but in time you'll be accepted because it's the British way to take the piss, then quietly treat you as a mate once time has passed.

I might be VU here as I realise they've had a rougher ride than most. But all this emotion seems to have led them into a corner where they've lashed out.

AIBU to think it's kind of in the British culture not to endlessly hand-wring in public in this regard?

Completely agree, OP

So you agree that racist things have been said about her, but you think she should have grown a thicker skin and in time would have been accepted? Stiff up lip and all that? Bally well get on with etc?

One of many reasons l didnt marry harry or william is that after the first instance of racism towards me, the offender would have been told to fuck off

They have been trying to tolerate it. It's clearly insupportable. Who knows?

I'm not sure why you're saying that people should have to put up with racism, that seems quite internally racist actually.

@Sharonthetotallyinsane

Yes, from a public-life perspective that is what I think she should have done.

The endless statements through the press were like fuel to the fire.

Harry and Meghan were in a position of huge influence when it came to how they wanted to structure the discussion.

They could have come up with initiatives, they could have held a round-table with the press to discuss the issue, they could have partnered with all manner of organisations and slowly built their case and consensus around things.

The "lashing out" approach is what troubles me. If I was in her position, as a person of similar heritage, I would have privately seethed and acknowledged it all, drawing upon my friendship base, my husband, my family (hmm, in her case..) and ensured my continued mental health. I might have mentioned it publicly, but then I would move on - it can't become the narrative, or else you become a public victim.

My concern is that Meghan doesn't really have much family, her friends are all "woke" to a fault, and Harry is caught up with her in a bunker/siege mentality.

So my approach, to step away from the vitriol, quietly call it out, and move on, comes from having good friends and family to lean on.

Maybe Meghan doesn't have that to help develop a thicker skin etc.

Sorry, but what a load of bullcrap. They need to be more thick skinned? They've decided not to have their entire lives dictated to them by what is essentially a corporation and the managers of that corporation whilst being judged and/or slagged off in every thing they do.
I don't care how much money they have, you couldn't pay me to be a Royal.
I just hope the rest follow suit so we can stop kowtowing to this ridiculous family.

@nibdedibble

Good to see that it's only taken a few posts before I've been called a racist

goes and looks in mirror, checks again

Nope, I'm still brown. And I still think that there isn't one default way of dealing with racism, the "fuck off, I am a victim, how dare you" approach.

Why should they have to put up with it when they can just up and leave ? Who wouldn’t if they had the choice

I think they have done the right thing

British people really don’t like hypocrisy.

They certainly don’t like hypocritical, entitled, virtue-signalling multi-millionaire celebrities preaching at them to change their lifestyles while using private jets themselves.

They definitely don’t like the same celebrities moaning about how awful their privileged lives are while ordinary people struggle to make ends meet.

Harry and Meghan have made serious mistakes and they have created a serious backlash against themselves. Their disrespectful attitude to the Queen will only make things worse for themselves.

I'm not calling you a racist, I'm saying it seems (on the surface) like internalised racism. I have no idea who you are or what you really feel and you are working this through yourself, that much is clear.

I agree there isn't one way of dealing with it. I don't understand what's exercising people about this decision though. The press are scum, people are racist towards her, it's not in her head. They have millions in the bank and options. It sends a message that this racism exists. I think for awareness-raising alone it falls into the category of 'fair enough'.

I do see your point OP, I don’t follow the tabloids, so I don’t see the kind of posts made about her which sound terrible, but I have wondered why don’t they just stop reading the papers? We all know the likes of the daily mail are vile and full of sh*t anyway, so a lot us don’t read them. Could they just not do the same? Or was she getting abuse from people in the street? Genuine question as like I said I don’t follow the tabloids.

"Why should they have to put up with it when they can just up and leave?"

This is the whole reason why so many people are discussing this topic though?

Harry and Meghan aren't cast members on a two-year reality TV contract.

When they formalised their union, they signed up to an institution under great public scrutiny.

That's not a licence therefore for columnists, TV and social media to be racists.

However it's par for the course that public figures get trolled. You have to have a strategy if you want to remain the thing you entered into public life for, in the first place.

Your approach strikes me as the Gemma Collins approach - "I want all the public adoration but the minute it gets tough, I quit".

That's not a model the Royal Family has ever subscribed to, and I'm surprised people think it's acceptable.

Perhaps folk are so keen to get rid of Meghan and Harry that they're happy for them to exit, however they do it.

Good to see that it's only taken a few posts before I've been called a racist

Gindaddy
Interesting OP. But as you have found, there are some posters who chant racist with zero evidence. This is an example of control speech. This Manichean presentation in which any criticism is dismissed as racism is very tedious. As for H&M? The South African interview was a nadir.

Sorry, OP, you lost me at the cricket analogy.

Look, Harry might have been born wealthy but this weird sense of ownership that the public have over the royal family is obscene. He didn't choose to become public property at the moment of his birth. He is allowed to want to spare his wife and child from a life that obviously hasn't made him happy. The fact that he's "privileged" doesn't mean that we, the British people, somehow get a say in his life. He's going to stop taking taxpayer money, so where's the issue?

Being royal looks like a horrible life. Just because Kate toughed it out doesn't mean Meghan is obliged to. I wouldn't swap places with either of them for all the luxury in the world. Meghan in particular has had a brutal time of it in the media and I hope they find their happiness together by removing themselves and their child from that circus.

I’ve largely avoided press coverage of the Sussexes, but you seem to be suggesting that a privileged non-white person has to take racism on the chin, and eventually, if they grin and bear it long enough, and some other royal marries someone waay more unsuitable, she might be grudgingly accepted as ‘Not quite our sort, dears, but I’ve seen worse’.

@BovaryX

Thank you; I have been called many things and justifiably, but I hold no racist perspective.

My post isn't criticising the Sussex's for having any response to racism. Racism cannot go unchecked.

It's that they've defined their entire existence within the family as victims. Their victim mentality fuels distrust, emotional incontinence, anger, all strange things which we don't often see in the Press and through the Royal Family.

Yes it could be worse; you could be Andrew dodging all manner of claims. The RF has dealt with worse and would have survived the Sussexes if they had continued.

It's just that I strongly feel public victim-playing and "woke preaching" is not the best and most effective way to combat racism in the UK. It plays well to a sector of people who are already convinced. It doesn't reach the parts you need to reach.

I think you are right in that people do not like it when the privileged complain about their tough lives. Even on a much smaller level, posters on Mumsnet sometimes complain about 'reverse snobbery' when a critical eye is cast over the wealthy and their quirks but it never really garners much emotion traction.

I'm not really one for the Royals and fairly apathetic about their lives but if you are just talking about media tactics - you do need to have been in the game for a long time and not jeaopordised your trust capital by preaching and hypocrisy for people to listen sympathetically about your troubles.

Saa not quite: the taxpayers will still be funding their security.

Why should they have to put up with it when they can just up and leave ? Who wouldn’t if they had the choice

Of course they shouldn't have to 'put up with it' whatever 'it' is. Of course they should be able to up and leave. Of course they should have a chpoice.
They should have all of these things but not while retaining their publically funded house, security etc.. They either go or they don't. What she wants to do is have her cake and eat it.
He'll be back within five years without her and she will have what she wanted, a life paid for by a rich man with his son as a blackmail tool.

It's that they've defined their entire existence within the family as victims

Precisely. This was particularly distasteful in the South African interview. Hyper narcissism and ‘existing not living’ with a backdrop of existential poverty and violence? A nadir.

@FramingDevice

"you seem to be suggesting that a privileged non-white person has to take racism on the chin,"

I'm not suggesting that at all. I mentioned that I think it's right that Harry and Meghan made strong statements about the Press and the coverage ("blood thickening", "Compton" etc).

What I don't think was right, was the months of ensuing emotive stuff, the ITV doc, the "existing not living" stuff.

That stuff feels calculated, a way of preparing the ground for an exit, like engineering a constructive dismissal case.

It's a brutal world - you need a PR strategy. Theirs was "victim" right from the off. Doesn't work IMHO in the UK.

Their statement that they will 'work towards becoming financially independent' is disgusting tbh, there are families using foodbanks regularly and people freezing to death on the streets. They are both loaded and shouldn't take a single other penny from the public purse.
I don't have a problem with the monarchy, but all the hangers on and people who don't even want to do their duties need to be cut off from the money immediately.
I find it particularly distasteful that they were happy to have a huge, public wedding and a couple of years later decide that life isn't for them anymore.

The racism was in my opinion no worse than the body image stuff Kate had to endure at the beginning, it's all essentially just nasty prejudice. The media love to find an "angle" to create news, preferably something that can be accompanied by a picture of said person. It probably would get a bit better in the long run, but I don't think it ever gets easy and while you're on the royal pay roll you have to suck it up these days, or "off with their heads". I think if I had the choice of hanging out in Hollywood with my rich mates and telling the media to go fuck themselves or pretending to be perfect for the British press and living in complete isolation from anyone except other members of court, I'd choose the former as well!!

'Existing, not living' - get a fucking grip. The poor people I work with on a daily basis are just existing.
Meghan and Harry have no idea what it's like to just exist. What a distasteful thing to say.

They really don't need to put up with it. The doctored Christmas card was a very low point IMO. And I'd just LOVE to see anyone attempt a round-table with the British gutter press

Harry knows more than a lot of people about the impact the media can have on people's lives. And all this shit about Meghan being a gold-digger and a harridan (see also Piers Morgan) is just ugly misogyny at its 'finest'.

FWIW, I'm no royalist.