To think British folk don't tolerate "privileged complaining" like the US?

[GinDaddy]

yes this is another topic partially related to Duke/Duchess of Sussex. If you don't like this, apologies in advance

I read a thread on here titled "The racists have won" regarding Harry and Meghan's withdrawl from public life.

AIBU to have a different perspective entirely? That their thin-skinnedness and endless preaching about the issuesdrew more vitriol towards them - and their whole approach was very badly suited to British life?

Bear with me :

Yes as a mixed-race (white/caribbean) person, I winced at the "outta Compton" headlines that greeted the latest addition to the Firm. I despaired at the "blood-thickening" comments that were made about Meghan's heritage and any children.

I'm not suggesting that any of this could simply be overlooked, and for sure it has an impact on a person's mental health.

Yet it precipitated dozens of column inches and angry statements from Harry, with strange and emotive allusions to his mother's death. It triggered that dreadful ITV stuff where Meghan says her and Harry are "existing, not living" - a comment which was extraordinary when you consider some of the challenges British people face. (Who is advising these people here?!)

Such commentary may be described as "woke" in the US. It might be considered on-trend to speak out and stand up to such things.

However in the UK, I feel it's more a country of deeds not words . To borrow a cricket analogy, being in UK public life is a bit like Test cricket. You can't come out on the attack or you'll lose your wicket within the hour. Instead, you will get bouncers hurled at you for the first few sessions of your innings, and you have to bat time and survive, dig in, and then start to accumulate once you've seen off a few.

AIBU to think Harry and Meghan could have ridden all this out if they had quietly gone about public life, working on a few select British-focused charities, supporting those closest to succession, and simply following the Duchess of Cambridge approach? You might be "Waity Katy" when we first meet you, but in time you'll be accepted because it's the British way to take the piss, then quietly treat you as a mate once time has passed.

I might be VU here as I realise they've had a rougher ride than most. But all this emotion seems to have led them into a corner where they've lashed out.

AIBU to think it's kind of in the British culture not to endlessly hand-wring in public in this regard?

There is no amount of time Meghan could have waited to please the racists. I think they will create a new and useful role, the royal family can't stay the same. The 'spare' isn't just someone who's only useful till the 'heir' has children, they need a purpose like the rest of us.

Then I can only say again, you're a misogynist and you're insulting her husband's judgement and intelligence too.

You think that the op hates all women because she thinks that one woman, an actress, has upped her market capital by marrying a royal?

“However it's par for the course that public figures get trolled.“

Well it bloody shouldn’t be.

No-one should have to put up with racist or sexist or homophobic bullying just because they have chosen a career in the public eye. Megan chose to be an actress and then chose to marry Harry. He’s nowhere near the succession, she’s never going to be Queen. But she’s faced the worst of the tabloid press - and the broadsheets sometimes- and good on them for making a stand.

And yes, what @ChickenyChick said. I agree this is what Meghan wanted - the cachet and earning power of being royal without any of the onerous obligations. Harry has changed since he met Meghan - everyone says so - he has become a pompous, selfish victim.

@DarlingNikita

It is entirely misogynistic for a person to think that all women marry for status and power, and that a woman cannot achieve this by herself. That would be an absurd position for a man to hold and disgraceful. I do not ascribe to that theory.

I do however call things when I see them, and I think there was a career trajectory here that was fulfilled through certain moves made.

"British people really don’t like hypocrisy."

That may have been true in the past, but they've just voted for Boris, and reelected the likes of Rees-Mogg, so I don't think that is still the case...

@zafferana and @chickenychick put it way better than I did.

The royal family requires them to be somewhat restrained. They are essentially spending the public purse so they don't have complete freedom. By going it alone they will not be answerable to anyone and can be as extravagant as they wish. They have a very marketable product, particularly stateside.

I think their secruity should be paid for irrespective - he didnt choose to be born into the RF and in which family (as minor royals get a lot less/no security) and if they live elsewhere/make their money from anything legal I dont give a shit...
I do not buy into this british culture nonsense either - I do not buy into 'british culture' wtf is that? I dont care what the queen thinks on anything... and what is it anyway ......
and if you want to moan about public hand wringing maybe the shocking mental health stats in this country may have something to do with this snowflake/handwringing mentality being derided in the tabloids/DM etc ......even I can tell that there is nothing this couple could ever say or do that would be right ...
stiff upper lip and emotion suppression is not a good thing in my view

@DorisDaysDadsDogsDead

That's entirely different.

Boris Johnson has not made his personal life his political narrative; quite the opposite. He has played a very typical stiff upper lip and ignored any questions about his family or his private life. He does not play any cards, victim or otherwise, or ask the public to acknowledge anything about him. He presents as a person with purpose and intent. His politics are an anathema to me but I do not think he is akin to Harry and Meghan.

British people don't like hypocrisy? I would say this is a fair statement. Being told to live one's life in an ascetic, parsimonious, environmentally-conscious way, and then watching someone jet around the world while figuring out their next direction of travel, is a bitter pill for people to swallow as they work out how to make ends meet.

ChickenyChick, no, but you ascribe it to a woman here. You could have just as easily said Harry wanted to marry her because she was hot/North American/mixed-race/an actor/any other cynical and distasteful reason, but instead you have decided that SHE is the one who is getting what she wants and is 'hard as nails'.

GinDaddy, I do however call things when I see them Well thank heavens for you being able to see through Meghan's evil plan

I think there was a career trajectory here that was fulfilled through certain moves made. Totally your opinion, zero evidence to back it up, and again I will use the word misogynist.

Multi-millionaires find work boring and would rather fly round the world enjoying themselves and accumulating more wealth.

Fair enough, as long as I’m not paying for ANY of it.
Basically what @zafferana said.

@zafferana well Prince Andrew's PR people did really well....

The only reason we still have a Royal Family is due to Blair and Campbell. When all the PR people they put in place left we started to get the fuck ups...

@averythinline

"stiff upper lip and emotion suppression is not a good thing in my view"

I agree, but I'm not asking them to bottle it all up in private. Neither am I asking them to be blank sheets of virtue and repression in public.

What I hoped for were people who were prepared to recognise that being a Royal involves respect for those who have worn the mantle of public service, namely their family members who have in part paid for Harry's existence, and contributed to Meghan's last couple of years.

Put it this way - the Royals didn't write the racist Press headlines for them.

So why chuck their kindness back in their face, and not notify them of this new "half in half out" approach? I wouldn't want to find out a relative was leaving my family firm via the television, especially if I'd sunk millions into their grace and favour, wedding etc.

and again I will use the word misogynist

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

We don`t know what she went through as a mixed race child or in her career. How did thinks work in the USA thirty years ago? She may be thin skinned because of this. Her husband has never faced this. We now hopefully have more respect of disabilities in the UK we certainly did not when I was a child

In my eyes they are telling the world they won’t accept the deplorable treatment by the British press, won’t allow their son to be subjected to it, and want to get away from the stifling nature of the Royal Family.
Good for them, I wish them well, and think they’ve done this in the right way.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

OK.

Remember Harry is half Spencer and they're never happier than when falling out with family.

"We don`t know what she went through as a mixed race child or in her career".

It's a fair question, but it's a horrible trope that everyone with a bit of colour in them must have "gone through" something.

For example, I grew up in the 1980s in one of the most privileged, most expensive areas in the UK. I was mixed race. I survived it, but I once had a girl asked me "what was it like for you growing up" and I winced and laughed, thinking of the stories she expected to hear, some mad street tales. The reality was, we didn't have lots of money, but we were very comfortable. I occasionally glanced admiringly at the Range Rovers and S-Classes pulling up around town, but it didn't drive me to a life of self-loathing.

I imagine the same is the case with Meghan. She grew up on film sets, she had friends, she went to school, she was in a multi-racial place where she wasn't unusual as such. I think the whole "she suffered" thing is projected by people who almost expect it of her, such is her strident victim thing.

I resent the "British public" being lumped together with the tabloid press!

Especially as so much of the tabloid press is not even British!

I think you'll find that the majority of the British public is fed up to the back teeth with these sensationalist headlines.

NOTE: I say "I survived it" above in jest, it wasn't a sufference at all.

think they’ve done this in the right way

No, they haven't, they've made a total fuck up of it. I don't have a problem with them wanting out, but to make a statement without having had the courtesy, foresight or good sense to discuss it with the Queen and Prince Charles beforehand is a disgrace. Not only that, but to announce it on the eve of Kate's birthday was just malicious and selfish. They could have made this announcement and made their exit from the RF with as little fuss as possible if they'd worked with the RF and their PR people. They've gone off like the two loose cannons they are and they've now got to negotiate their exit in the full glare of the media, which is going to make things much harder, because now the public and the press are going to wade in and possibly set the agenda. They've shot themselves in the foot and upset everyone who could've helped them to make a dignified exit.

I think that posters have a very romanticised and idealised view of Harry because they've seen him grow up and have projected their fantasies of how they THINK he is unto this entire situation. Let's vilify the new, American actress woman then. Poor Harry.

I agree with you OP.

Meghan has had some vile things said about her, but she also has a lot of people on her side. Diana also had a lot of awful things said about her, and I'm sure that if she had been alive when social media took off she would also have been on the receiving end of even worse stuff.

I think what this shows is that the Royal Family have, over the years, reached a pretty complex mutual agreement with the press. This is carefully managed by the Palace PR machine. When H and M first got together and were guided by the palace all was well and they could do no wrong.

They took the, in my view, disastrous decision to walk away from this guidance and protection and this coincided with the start of everything going wrong for them. They clearly breached many of the rules of the royal/press agreement (eg keeping so many details about Archie's arrival, godparents secret etc) and they have been punished for it.

It has been pretty unpleasant to behold, but even as a member of one of the richest and most powerful families in the world, you cannot just do what you want, there are still rules to follow and codes to abide by. You either stick to them or you opt out completely like Zara and Peter Phillips did, you cannot just dictate your own terms, as H and M seem to want to.

So, to that extent yes they have rather brought it on themselves I'm afraid, and trying to play the victims and blame consequences of their own mistake on racism against Meghan is wrong and will not help matters one bit.