to think that DH should be able to sleep with me having my bedside light on?

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Or AIBU?

DH wants all bedroom lights off by 11pm on the dot. Whereas I sometimes wish to have my bedside light on and read for awhile longer. He says he is too tired to stay up later, which is fine, but AIBU to think that he should be able to sleep even if I've got my bedside light on?
If I am as tired as he claims to be I can just go to sleep by turning my bedside light off, even if he has his light on. He got me one of those lights that fix on to your book, but apparently even that light is too bright. He won't even tolerate my phone light (I might occassionally use my phone if he doesn't want my bedside light on).

Some days I'm just not tired enough to just turn the lights off and go to sleep at 11pm. He thinks if I want to read I should be doing that downstairs, but that's just not the same.

I imagine I am being unreasonable, but I just don't get that much of time to myself (don't get to relax till gone 9.30, with kids and housework etc).
We both wake up at about the same time...7.15ish.

My husband can't do anything without having every single light on! So whereas I can read my Paperwhite with the light off (it hardly sheds any light and he can sleep through anything); he has the light on if he's watching TV or looking at his phone in bed. It drives me batty because I struggle to sleep with the light on (it's even harder if he's watching telly or if I can feel his phone vibrating through the mattress). But I wouldn't insist on him turning it off because I'm pretty sure I do things that annoy him too 🤷. The key is compromise - can you agree certain nights where lights are out early and others where they stay on?

One of you sleeps elsewhere or he can turn over so he cant see the light.

I'd recommend getting a kindle. My husband copes well with my kindle but would hate the bedside lamp on. I read every night before going to sleep , and would hate to have to go to the lounge to read before going to sleep!

Why can’t you read downstairs? Or in another room?

Why does your husband have to suffer because you MUST read in bed when he’s trying to sleep?

Totally unreasonable.

Get a book, and a blanket and go and sit on the sofa with all the light you need.

Some people like myself really struggle to sleep with any light on at all. You can buy these small reading torches which hang around you neck to read in the dark which might be a solution. Look on Amazon.

Honestly 11pm is late enough - I need absolute silence/darkness to sleep and I'd be really annoyed if my partner didn't respect that at a late time especially if I was up at 7am if it was 9pm then yeah but 11pm yabu

My OH has to have complete darkness and absolute silence to sleep.
He has tried eye masks and ear plugs, but they irritate him, which I completely accept, as I couldn’t bloody wear either myself.
As much as his needs insistence and pickiness about this can frustrate me, I accept that we all need our sleep and if it’s truly that disturbing for him (and I believe it is and always has been), then I am willing to accommodate him and accept that we all need to compromise from time to time.
Incidentally, I can sleep anywhere and in any condition, but when I don’t sleep well, I’m a beast, so am understanding of how much sleep issues can impact on your day.
I like to read in the evening too and snore like a cartoon bear (which is extremely disturbing for him), so I always read downstairs and at least once a week, sleep on the sofa, so my OH can get a decent nights sleep.
Has your DH ever considered taking a sleep aid? My OH swears by them (not anything prescribed, just herbal), they just help him fall asleep easier and govback to sleep when I wake him up (snoring).

I am a really sound sleeper but I find it hard to fall asleep when my partner has his light/phone. Its not so much the light but I get wound up over how inconsiderate it is. If you want to read, get a kindle and put it on a low setting. Easy solution.

Turn it off

One solution is that he goes to bed earlier (especially if he’s so tired he needs all the weekend lie ins ) and you go up and read in bed AFTER he’s already asleep. Your light isn’t as likely to bother him once he’s already asleep.

If that or the Kindle backlit suggestions don’t work then ultimately I think it is for you to read elsewhere. Assuming you can sleep after reading elsewhere. Ultimately the priority is that everyone gets sleep.

I read with my phone in bed on the most dim setting. I'm a night owl but love the comfort of my bed so I prefer to be in bed reading to plus I like to be next to DH even when we aren't interacting. My DH always sleeps before me so I hold my phone semi under the duvet when he turns off the lamp and that works ok for us. If my DH complained he still couldn't sleep, I would also stay downstairs but take a pillow and blanket and get cosy down there the best I could. I know how you feel though I prefere to be in bed to read.

I'm with you OP! I don't get the whole light thing, especiallly if it is a focused, reading light or book light, which isn't lighting up the room. Just shut your eyes, FFS!

We are opposites - DH hates light, apparently, although for some reason, he can still manage to fall asleep in front of the telly(!)

He likes music when going to sleep when I cannot tolerate that at all - after all you can't shut your ears ...

I tolerated years of my STBExH having a bedside light on. Ever Miss Compromise,I put up with it. Now we are in separate rooms trying to sell the house, I can turn off the light and go to sleep. Bliss!
You need to accept you have different needs and work out how to accommodate them.

YADBU I can’t sleep if there is any light in the room no matter how tired I am, however if I get to sleep someone reading with a clip on book light wouldn’t wake me, could you wait for him to go to sleep and then go to bed yourself and read?

My dh and I have Kindles and if the other wants to sleep the light still lets the other sleep. If the other wants to read paper that person goes in another took. It’s an easy fix.

Good, what a lot of non-readers on this thread!

Am amazed that so many people are taking the dh's side here and are so precious that they can't sleep if there is a tiny bit of light in the room

I read a lot, just not in bed when I'm trying to get to sleep. I used to get insomnia badly and one of the ways I trained myself out of that was to make sure bed was just for sleeping and sex, nothing else. And no, I struggle to get sleep in a bedroom with lights on. It's not a choice, it just doesn't happen.

A bedside light would definitely be too bright, but my DH and I both sometimes read a kindle or on phone kindle app (dimmed). I know that both of us would struggle to read downstairs and come up when tired as doing that would wake you up again. I'd be far more disturbed by him getting into bed than by a kindle glow. I'm rarely going to sleep until 11/11.30pm and have to be up by 5.30am so tbh most of the time could probably sleep on a bed of nails with an interrogation lamp 😂

Haven’t rtft but I would love to meet people who get to go to bed at 11pm. I have form for falling asleep before DS6 who’s lights out time is 8pm!

I read and I read in bed. But not if it is already late or only until it's late enough. 11pm would be too late for me, I need my sleep.

Eyemask definitely, I hate any light, but my dh likes to read, an eyemask is fantastic and improved my sleep quality on a whole.

How about an audiobook I often drift off to an audiobook and it seems less disturbing to OH

He needs to shut his eyes completely 😏

I have a kindle paperwhite and it really creates no light at all. Why is this not a solution OP?

Why is your need to read with a light on more important than your husbands need for darkness to fall asleep? If it bothers him that much you are being selfish, and should read downstairs before going to bed.

No light on if I’m trying to sleep.