to think that DH should be able to sleep with me having my bedside light on?

[DataColour]

Or AIBU?

DH wants all bedroom lights off by 11pm on the dot. Whereas I sometimes wish to have my bedside light on and read for awhile longer. He says he is too tired to stay up later, which is fine, but AIBU to think that he should be able to sleep even if I've got my bedside light on?
If I am as tired as he claims to be I can just go to sleep by turning my bedside light off, even if he has his light on. He got me one of those lights that fix on to your book, but apparently even that light is too bright. He won't even tolerate my phone light (I might occassionally use my phone if he doesn't want my bedside light on).

Some days I'm just not tired enough to just turn the lights off and go to sleep at 11pm. He thinks if I want to read I should be doing that downstairs, but that's just not the same.

I imagine I am being unreasonable, but I just don't get that much of time to myself (don't get to relax till gone 9.30, with kids and housework etc).
We both wake up at about the same time...7.15ish.

Do you have a living room? Or is it a bedsit? Can you read in another room if he wishes to sleep in darkness at vang on 11pm

YABU. Even a tiny bit of light keeps me up or wakes me up. And sleeping masks are uncomfortable so they are no help
The bedroom is for sleeping in, go do your reading downstairs, that’s what I make my husband do (well not make him, he understands and does it happily)

Just buy a kindle!?

Or even better get him to buy you one!

So you do all the housework and sorting the kids, and when you're tired and want to relax your husband lays down the law and says you have to have the lights out at 11pm? And then he sleeps in on weekends whilst you sort out the kids? Nothing you have said sounds like your husband is helping you out, and then when you want to relax he claims tiredness so you can't do the one thing you want to do which is read in bed. I'd tell him to go fuck himself if I'm honest ...

I wouldn’t be able to sleep with the bedside light on either, I think it’s a bit selfish to expect someone too as well if I’m honest! Go somewhere else to read, such as the living room or the bath

My partner insists he can't sleep with my bedside light/kindle on. Funny how he manages to snore away in front of the TV with all the lights blazing, though! I have always read in bed, it is part of my routine and I can't sleep if I don't read for about 15 minutes. Partner puts his head under the bed clothes.

YABU. I cannot bear any light in the bedroom. I had serious surgery for cancer about five years ago and, even though I was in a side room on my own in the hospital, there was a dim light on all night. It was horrible and now any light at night reminds me of it and I feel sick.

When we stay in hotels with en-suite facilities, DH insists on leaving the door slightly open with the bathroom light on ‘so he can see where the loo is during the night’. Once he’s asleep I get up and turn the light off or I’d have sleepless nights every holiday.

You could get a kindle. He could get an eye mask.

YANBU at all, sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to do, but as a thought any chance you going to bed about 10.30 to read before he comes to bed ?

I feel lucky that do can sleep through my bedtime reading lights be it phone or Kindle.

Can’t you wait for your dh to nod off and continue to read in bed?

Use Audible instead no light; the book is read to you through headphones. Or read downstairs, I cannot sleep if a light is on so why should anyone else

I'm on your DH side, I can't sleep with any light on, it annoys me my DH playing on his phone.

No way could I sleep if my partner had the light on! However he is like you and needs to 'wind down' which means reading. He does that on his tablet and the light is minimal, and I'm able to sleep. Perhaps look into getting a kindle or similar?

I forgot to mention, he lies on his side, not sitting up in bed, with any light facing away from me. If he did that I still wouldn't be able to sleep!

Sounds like YA both BU. You should accommodate his need for dark in the bedroom so he can sleep properly. He (at least for now) really should ensure you get more downtime. Gardening leave isn't comparable to maternity leave; he's essentially on enforced holiday leave, whereas you aren't. If you aren't getting as much time to relax, a decent person would seek to redress the balance.

“ Exposure to light stimulates a nerve pathway from the eye to parts of the brain that control hormones, body temperature and other functions that play a role in making us feel sleepy or wide-awake.

Too much light, right before bedtime may prevent you from getting a good night’s sleep. In fact, one study recently found that exposure to unnatural light cycles may have real consequences for our health including increased risk for depression. Regulating exposure to light is an effective way to keep circadian rhythms in check.”

www.sleepfoundation.org/articles/lights-out-good-nights-sleep

Hope this helps.

YABU. I'm like your dh - can't sleep with a light on or a light from a kindle (and eye masks feel horrible). My dh can fall asleep in a heartbeat whereas it takes me ages. It sounds as though you and your dh's situation might be similar.

I think you need to read elsewhere. Get ready for bed, read downstairs and then go up to bed and crawl in with dh. Hopefully you will both sleep.

Maybe he could try an eye mask and see if it solves the problem. But I'm like your husband. I can't sleep unless the room is pitch black. Even had to buy blackout curtains.

I can't sleep with any light source within a 10 mile radius so I bought myself an eye mask. Works great. 😄

I don't like sleeping with the light on. Why can't you read downstairs? However, I do think he is being quite dictatorial. He is basically telling you when you should be going to bed.

I feel your pain my DH is like this hates me reading in bed, too disturbing want bedside light turned off immediately, clip on book lights also too disturbing. To stop friction I now don't read in bed, however I am annoyed when his alarm goes off at 6am every morning incl weekend, holidays, birthdays , xmas etc so he can go for a run and/or cycle! my need to read doesn't trump his need to sleep but his need to run trumps mine!

@Runnerduck34 I'd accidentally knock his phone out the window

Read elsewhere.

I can’t sleep with a light on or a mask. We use little book lights.