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How many funerals have you been to

312 replies

grimreaper1 · 08/01/2020 11:49

First off, I'm aware this is morbid and I don't want to upset anyone, but I'm currently studying grief and loss and becoming aware of how much bereavement I have experienced.

I'm 35 years old and I've lost 6 family members, a close friend, a teenage neighbour, accompanied two close relations to funerals of people I also knew and have had a pregnancy loss. So 10 funerals and a miscarriage.

I was just wondering if others had experienced the same or less or more? I don't know if it's changed my experience of death.

AIBU in thinking it's a lot for someone my age?

OP posts:
Apolloanddaphne · 08/01/2020 12:32

I am 57 and have been to the following funerals:

4 grandparents
1 aunt
1 Great GF
MIL and DF
2 children
4 friends
1 colleague

15 that I can remember. There may have been more.

Sally99 · 08/01/2020 12:32

I'm 57 and have been to 3 - mother, aunt and uncle

RuggerHug · 08/01/2020 12:32

OllyBJolly A good funeral is better than a bad wedding Grin

TeenPlusTwenties · 08/01/2020 12:32

The year I turned 40 I went to 5 in 12 months I think.

I find these things come in waves. You have the years of weddings, the years of children, and the years of funerals.

DobbyLovesSocks · 08/01/2020 12:33

I'm 36 and been to 8 (at least) I couldn't go to my nana's for various reasons but I went and sat in the work chapel at the same time and prayed instead
been to 5 weddings and 1 baptism (not counting my own wedding and baptism of our DS)

notaregularmom · 08/01/2020 12:33

@Drum2018 that's one way of passing the time I guess Grin

ghostyslovesheets · 08/01/2020 12:34

Great Grandmother
Great Uncle
Grandmother
Grandfather
childhood baby sitter
Aunt
Friends Father
two family friends
one friends child
Step grandmother next month

a lot of it is just part of getting older - 20's / 30's it's all weddings and christenings - 40+ it gets a bit sadder!

asparagusnextleft5 · 08/01/2020 12:35

Last year alone I went to 10 funerals including that of my cousin, as well as some of wider extended family members and parishioners.
Over my lifetime I've lost 3 grandparents (one had already died before I was born), both parents, a brother, two sisters-in-law, my mother-in-law, several uncles and aunts and most recently my cousin. Not to mention numerous relatives of my husband's, whose funerals I've also attended.
It's a sad fact that the older you get, the more funerals you go to.
I'd never been to one at all until I was 19 and a friend from uni committed suicide. But since then the number I've attended has just grown year on year. I couldn't count how many I'd been to, but it must be well over 100.

IamPickleRick · 08/01/2020 12:35

I am 38.

Dad (at 12)
2 x Nans
1 x Grandad
2 x great grandparents
3 x friends
3 x family friends

RaininSummer · 08/01/2020 12:36

57 and only 2- My Dad and a good friend.It would have been 3 had I been contactable when my Nan died but this was in an era when mobiles phones and internet hadn't been invented so by the time I returned from interailing it was all done.

Mumof1andacat · 08/01/2020 12:37

35yr old - 5 (2x grandparents, 1x grand parent in law and 2x parents in law) my friends dad is unwell with cancer and unfortunately he is end of life. I will go to that one to show support to my friend.

Outnumbered99 · 08/01/2020 12:37

I'm your age OP and probably 20 or so. Sadly far too many children.

Pantah630 · 08/01/2020 12:37

Far too many to remember at 49. I'm partly Greek Cypriot so big families and am a biker, though mainly lost friends through cancer/other illnesses than bike accidents but still looking at at least five of those over the last 30 years. I would say that we, as a family, average about 4-5 funerals per year although last year was higher with a few elderly neighbours leaving. Assume it'll only get higher the older we get. :(

MirandaWest · 08/01/2020 12:38

I’m 44. Been to

My Mum’s cousin
My granny
My grandad
My XHs cousin
My XHs granny (didn’t go to actual funeral as had 4 month old DS but went to the wake)

Think that’s it.

ohmysoul · 08/01/2020 12:40

I'm 30 and I haven't been to any funerals. I've also never known anyone personally who has died.

grimreaper1 · 08/01/2020 12:40

Goodness, such a mix of replies!

The various ways in which those people have died have all been different too...cancer, car accidents, suicide, old age...death really is such a big part of life.

Out of the 10 funerals, only two were expected...one age related, one terminal cancer...so I guess that has an impact of the grieving process.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 08/01/2020 12:41

8 x relatives. Mostly elderly but one in his 40s
4 x older people I lived with for a year in a shared community
2 x colleagues
5 x going to support a friend in their loss.

I suspect there are more that I can't recall

I'm 40. The colleague ones were both shocks. One was 41, other was only 21.

grimreaper1 · 08/01/2020 12:41

Sad to hear about the funerals of children...that's never happened to me, I just don't know how I'd manage that...

OP posts:
SapphosRock · 08/01/2020 12:44

I'm 38 and have been to 5

  • 16 year old friend killed in a car crash (was also 16)
  • grandmother 1
  • grandmother 2
  • uncle
  • father in law

The first was by far the most traumatic but I was too numb to cry. Cried the most at Uncle's who I wasn't even close to.

Drum2018 · 08/01/2020 12:46

@notaregularmom for sure! We were delighted she'd done it all. She went home after that and the next morning her family arrived over with a huge fry up for us. Great neighbours by all accounts.

goodwinter · 08/01/2020 12:46

I'm 27 and 0, for which I feel very lucky.

An old friend died 2 years ago but unfortunately I couldn't make it back home for her funeral. Other than that, thankfully I haven't lost anyone especially close.

GlamGiraffe · 08/01/2020 12:47

I'm 44 and I think I've been to 12 (I say think as #dh has lots of relatives who all seem the same and who also have commemoration services in the same place so it all blurs into one! )

DrCoconut · 08/01/2020 12:50

I'm 45 and have been to funerals for my uncle, my dad, 2 x grandparents (the other 2 died before I was born), my auntie, my cousin, 7 x family friends and 1 student. In a way the last was the worst because he died tragically and very young. I was there in an official capacity for that one, the others I was obviously family or friend.

TheWildWoods · 08/01/2020 12:51

27, from one I can remember I've been to 10 including my first born sons.
After burying my soon I've taken a pass on going to certain funerals because of the timing /place so paid my respects afterwards.

TheWildWoods · 08/01/2020 12:51

*son even not soon🙈

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