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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lying DH

185 replies

McdonaldsOrSwimming · 07/01/2020 23:41

Name change because, well, because, it's stupid.

DD's swimming lessons have changed to on Tuesdays at 6pm. DH can mostly make it after work and either comes home or meets us there. Sometimes traffic is bad so we call him to see his ETA.

Today we called him at 5:00 (on his hands free) to ask what time he would be home and if he could make swimming. I only do this on Tuesdays because DD is only 5 and really likes it that Daddy can come and watch this activity. She got a bit upset that he couldn't make it, but I reassured her it was the traffic and unavoidable.

He said that the traffic was really bad and he'd be home at 6:20. So off we go to swimming and DH was home when we got home at 6:50. DD is only 5 so I got her straight in the bath for a hairwash.

I went downstairs for her a drink while she was in the bath and picked up a receipt that had been dropped in the hall. It was for the McDonalds, close to swimming for 5:35. H had lied about the traffic and gone to McDonalds, ordered a meal and sat in his car to eat it whilst poor DD was at her lesson.

My AIBU, was I right to be absolutely furious with him for lying, and letting DD down? He claimed, when I handed him the receipt after DD was asleep that he had a 'migraine' and had had a bad day at work, and he needed some peace. I told him that he should not have done that since it was important to DD and also if he really didn't want to, just to tell me (not on speakerphone) and I'd have covered with the bad traffic excuse. Or, he could have come to swimming and we could have ordered a takeaway or gone to mcdonalds on the way home. I'm sure DD would have loved a few cheeky chips.

I'm also furious that I left him a plated meal that he decided wasn't as good as fast food, he did manage to force it down when he was still acting. When I told him I was a bit annoyed that he went to get mcdonalds, he said "he needed some sugar."
I told him to go to bed if he had a migraine, since I was surprised he felt he could eat if he was so ill. It's 11pm and he is still on his computer snapping at me.

I did sit downstairs but he came apologising, but then blaming me for ringing and also weird things like he was going to tell my mum that I was still smoking the odd cigarette (I'm nearly 40!) and that he is entitled to have some peace since he is the only one working. I am a SAHM looking really hard for a job that fits school hours since he won't move his job and DD has some additional needs that would make it hard for her to adjust to childcare.

So MN, what do you think. Should I keep sweet and think he is entitled to his "peace" or be angry at his lying and secret mcdonalds.

It's not as if our home is a sugar free zone and I disapprove of fast food either.

He's finally gone to bed telling me that he didn't know whether I'd cooked a meal for him or not. I can't actually remember the last time I didn't cook us all a meal activities or not.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 08/01/2020 20:04

I’d be worried that he needed to lie as feels he can’t tell the truth to his spouse.

He’s been work all day and is the sole earner so shoulders all the pressure and wanted a little down tea and quick food. It doesn’t take two parents to take one school aged child swimming.

YasssKween · 08/01/2020 20:19

I dont think you would have been okay with him telling you. I think you'd have given him the third degree about not committing to swimming and leaving your DD devastated. He was never going to win.

Sorry OP but I agree with this PP. You have described a pretty mundane situation super dramatically - I think you should be willing to look at your own behaviour as well as his.

TryingToBeBold · 08/01/2020 20:33

He was obviously peckish. And given he was going to probably get moaned at either way.. he might aswell get moaned at after having a mcdonalds rather than argue and be hungry too.

adaline · 08/01/2020 21:18

Geez, YABU!

It doesn't take two adults to take a child to swimming lessons. You've been home all day - why on earth should he have to rush home from work to sit by a hot, noisy pool?

I had a 13 hour day today and all I wanted to do when I got home is shower, eat chips and sit in front of the TV in silence!

You need to change your expectations. There's no reason for him to go to swimming - you can take DD alone and let him come in from work without rushing about doing unnecessary "activities".

EKGEMS · 10/01/2020 20:54

Is a dram Queen like a computer memory monarch?

EKGEMS · 10/01/2020 20:56

The attitude that he's the only wage earner in the house would make me hold him under the water

BloggersBlog · 10/01/2020 23:04

Of course it doesnt take 2 people to take DD swimming, the OP never said it did and that isnt what this is on about. It's the ease of lying and knowing a child will be disappointed if their dad isnt there.

I would be fuming. How lovely to get the choice when to parent and when to sit in a car chowing down a Macdonalds knowing you are disappointing your dd.

BrickTop999 · 10/01/2020 23:17

Dunno but I imagine you’ll be asking for advice on divorce soon
Sounds like the marriage is over and he’ll be leaving soon ( I would as I hate being nagged )

CustomerCervixDepartment · 10/01/2020 23:19

People have standards in the gutter like ‘pick your battles’😁 nah, pick your men better. Sick of getting stuck behind people like this when driving, pootling along holding up everyone else because they hate their choice to have a kid and want to avoid being in the house. Next, he’ll be taking up cycling along roads all weekend, ffs. ‘I’m going to tell your mummy you smoke!’-you find him attractive, OP? You find that worthy of love and cherishing? Wow.

StreetwiseHercules · 12/01/2020 10:53

Yes, I’m sure the OPs use of their child to emotionally manipulate and badger is really attractive.

There is no way on this earth that a kid gives a shit about a parent missing a swimming class once.

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