Acquaintance (not even a friend) expecting people to cater at her event

[Hellokitty82]

What do people think about this

So a Mum at school (not even a close friend a Mum of my child's classmate) has set up a group and invited a load of us to "her 40th birthday party"

She's hired a village hall 15 miles from our village (as she said it's a lovely hall)

There will be a disco (her brother in law is a DJ) and a mobile Bar

All ok so far except for driving 15 miles!!

Then she's put on Facebook a list of party food and asked people what they will be bringing???? Wtf

I've NEVER gone to a party and been asked to cater for it and when it's been any of our party's I always fully cater myself.

She's not exactly skint either - her and her partner/husband have a big house, 2 nice cars and a holiday house so my first impression is she is taking the piss

Lots of talk at the school gates people saying it's out of order and they're not going I'm inclined to do the same - I barely know the woman (only to say hello too)

What do people think?

Ok, in my 50s and this is definitely a new one on me. What a CF. I wouldn't go but I'd probably stay watching cos it sounds bonkers 😂😂

From your title I thought she was asking you to cater the whole party for you (like the famous MN wedding venue decoration Bridezilla). But now I see it is just a potluck and you have your knickers in a twist about it being “non-U”. It’s an invitation not a summons.

It’s an invitation not a summons.

Yeah that line is getting boring now

God weird mumsnetters once again 😏 obviously just don’t go if you don’t like it but in my world a party at a village hall with people bringing dishes is so normal it’s mundane - is this not a thing in other places 😂🙈

Is this a north south thing? Are you in the south OP?

Yeah that line is getting boring now

Not a boring as MN posts pearl-clutching about being invited to something they don’t want to go to.

I know someone like this - slowly deciding to give a wide birth.

Is this a north south thing?

Nope! Perfectly normal down south too.

I think OP would like us to believe that in her circles, it’s “not the done thing” to have a party without professional caterers, uniformed waitstaff, and probably a written invitation on card with “carriages at 1am” on the bottom

Thank you @Retroflex - I have family with egg allergies, I am always on the look-out for them.

@ChristmasCarcass - and the OP us accused of being spiteful?!
I'm as working class as they come and always being something when I'm invited to a gathering at someone's house. I have never, however, been invited to a party in a hurry venue for someone's birthday and been provided with a list of acceptable foods and gifts to bring. This is not a 'potluck' party as I said before. Just because it's normal where you live doesn't mean it's normal everywhere and doing things differently doesn't make someone a snob so maybe you ought to wind your neck in a bit.

I'm in the Midlands. People would turn up with a bottle to a person's Birthday party in their home, or take a dish to a BBQ with friends and family etc. However it is not the norm to hire a hall, expect people to bring food, and then also mention they would like euros as a gift. I expect most people will feel judged if they didn't give a gift. It would have been better if they had hosted at home and said no gifts but please bring a dish of your choice. It just looks cheeky how they are doing it. Inviting acquaintances to make up the numbers and get some cash out of people.

Yes I thought people I know down south also would find this quite normal - obviously just the circles some people move in. I’m now racking my brains to think how many people potentially think I’m a CF for innocently inviting them to a fun get together with a bit of food 😂🙈

totally reasonable for OP not to find this to her liking, but YABU to get seriously antsy about it, this is an invite rather than a summons.

Great thread: a fascinating and entertaining insight the world of Matres mediagenus

Made my day.

Cannot see the problem tbh !! If people are that bothered then don’t go but then that would make the school gate bitching rather boring for you all !

I have never know anyone have a 40th party in a hall and ask people to bring food. When you hold a party like that you are the host and are thanking your guests for coming to celebrate with you. After all the party is for you, you are the focus of the party. It is your friends and family. Hosting at home with close friends is different to having a big party, then you can ask people to bring food.

Does it really matter if it's normal or not? I mean, the opposite of 'normal' isnt 'wrong'.

At the end of the day, why not just appreciate being invited, rather than focussing on what you perceive the host to be doing wrong?

“ Hosting at home with close friends is different to having a big party, then you can ask people to bring food”

exactly, I feel like a lot of people are saying this is normal because they’ve been invited to people’s houses for BBQs and what not and been asked to bring a dish, which yes is common, but this isn’t the situation here.

She’s invited people to a hall for a party with a DJ to celebrate her birthday and given them a list of food to bring so she doesn’t have to cater the event herself. I come from a very working class background and have been to loads of budget parties in social clubs etc and have never ever come across this. It isn’t snobbish to think this is rude.

user1471590586 so if you can't afford to invite all your friends to a party because you can't afford the time/money to cater you just don't have a party then?

OK. It isn't uncommon to do this where we live, but everyone I know is friendly and helpful and not the least bit judgy about people who are time and/or money poor

My cousin had a bring and share wedding reception. He bought and paid for all the drinks (which must have come to a considerable amount), and they had helpers to serve and wash up. It was the best wedding reception I have ever been to. So shoot me.

I have never heard of the term Jacob's Join before though.

All I can say is that some people have had very sheltered upbringings with wealthy friends and family and are easily offended.

One point about everyone who says it's perfectly normal for them, their area etc etc is that clearly it's not normal for the OP and her circle.
Hence the chat about it all.
And people may or may not socialise with all the other parents of children in the same class as their DC - it's just not exactly commonplace to invite all of them to your own birthday party. (And then announce extra conditions/requests. )

You could have a small gathering at home instead, a meal or night out (where people pay for themselves), a drink down the pub with friends, or family might chip in and host a party for you. You fit your gathering to your budget, you don't expect others to pay your way. It's your party after all. And, the OPs post isn't actually about friends though is it. They are acquaintances. You can ask different things of close friends and family to acquaintances that you barely know.

Nope, never been invited to a party like this either. If people have a small budget I think they tend to have a smaller party, at home, catered from Aldi or similar. Going to a hall or other venue I wouldn't be surprised to find a bar where you can buy drinks, but food always provided.

And... I'm 60 btw and have lived North, South and in the Middle.

I think we're going to see more of these sorts of parties because:

• Allergies & special diets are on the increase and it means everyone will be catered for.

• Flakiness is also on the increase (ime) - it means the host doesn't end up catering for a load of people who cancel late or don't turn up.

• People often want to bring something to contribute but most of us have everything we need already so bringing food to contribute makes sense.

• Many of us are embracing a simpler life, focusing more on the important things like sharing food and enjoying a sense of community.

I might be wrong though.

Pot luck type things on the proviso that everyone brings a substantial sized dish. If there are 100 people and each family bring a small/medium casserole or a plate of salad you won't get fed well.