Acquaintance (not even a friend) expecting people to cater at her event

[Hellokitty82]

What do people think about this

So a Mum at school (not even a close friend a Mum of my child's classmate) has set up a group and invited a load of us to "her 40th birthday party"

She's hired a village hall 15 miles from our village (as she said it's a lovely hall)

There will be a disco (her brother in law is a DJ) and a mobile Bar

All ok so far except for driving 15 miles!!

Then she's put on Facebook a list of party food and asked people what they will be bringing???? Wtf

I've NEVER gone to a party and been asked to cater for it and when it's been any of our party's I always fully cater myself.

She's not exactly skint either - her and her partner/husband have a big house, 2 nice cars and a holiday house so my first impression is she is taking the piss

Lots of talk at the school gates people saying it's out of order and they're not going I'm inclined to do the same - I barely know the woman (only to say hello too)

What do people think?

15 miles isn't an issue - especially if you can drive it!!

It is a potluck party. On the plus side, I'd assume that you don't need to think of a birthday gift.

A pot luck's hardly a massively unusual thing. Asking people to bring some food rather than getting dozens of random gifts you don't really need seems quite sensible really

Saves a huge amount of work, catering yourself, and saves you ending up with a pile of random presents you don't want.

Not sure what is so terrible about traveling 15miles to a party either

Personally I think it's odd to invite random people you don't know well to your birthday party, but maybe that's because I seem to be in the miority on MN in that I could fill a hall with just family and friends. If - for a myriad of reasons - you don't feel you know that many people that well, then it could be a way of getting to know people better.

Either way - if it's not your thing, say "Sorry, can't make it - thanks for the invitation. Hope you have a great time" and don't go.

No big deal.

Aw, just take some coleslaw or nice ham or something. It's a shame to miss a party because you think she should be catering it all - you might have a lovely evening!

I would decline. Surely she doesn't expect presents! I've received invitations to 'big birthdays' like these that were potluck and BYOB, okay, but then there was a request for cash gifts as well. Erm, nope.

I have been to a few "pot luck" parties and a "pot luck" wedding. I don't see what the problem is TBH. Some posters here must move in well off circles.

Don't go. You sound like you think you are too good for this kind of party.

bring and share parties are perfectly normal if you are asking everyone you can think of to come and party. if you are paying for the catering you tend to need to keep the numbers more modest to stick to a budget. I have been to a couple of weddings and a few other parties like this.

no one thinks it's weird for a party invite to say 'please bring a bottle' - it's such an accepted thing that PBAB is a normal abbreviation to put next to RSVP. yet this party has a pay bar so PBAB not appropriate, so what's wrong with PBAQ(uiche)?

Bet she will be expecting presents and booze too! No way would I go, she’s a CF randomer!

Yes, it’s better etiquette to cater for a party you’re hosting, but it’s also good etiquette to politely turn down an invite that doesn’t suit you. Instead you’re bitching about it and her financial situation. You have no moral high ground here.

Dear me, how frightfully holy you are.

I'm unworthy, etc, etc...

I love pot luck parties. I’ve never been to one that hasn’t been completely chill and loads of fun. So can I go instead?! 😁

I can't see what's wrong with this. Totally normal in my circles, everyone bring a dish and share. It's just salads, quiches, pasta dishes etc, nothing pricey or fancy.

I don’t see what the invitation is in these situations.

It’s one thing to have dinner with some neighbours casually, and another thing to hire a hall, a paid bar, ask people for food and then claim you’re hosting.

Have you really never heard of a Jacob's join, OP?

A woman from school phoned me one day to invite dd to a party and when I accepted the invite was extended to dh and I, which I accepted and then I was told the cost would be £15 - I was a bit surprised to say the least, too embarrassed to object though, I agreed. On the night it was very busy and I couldn't see an appropriate time to hand over the dosh, so she called me a few days later asking me to drop off the money.

She basically wants a big party with all her acquaintances but doesn’t wasn’t to pay the reasonable costs.

I think Pot luck parties are fine - my sister always has a pot luck New Year's Eve party - they invite 150 people - parents and kids - all the families from their 3 kid's classes get invited, every family brings something and it just kind of works.

Pot luck and BYOB parties, dinner evenings and even weddings really aren't all that unusual. I'm not sure why some posters think they're to be derided.

If you don't want to go then don't, but she's not being rude or cheeky.

I love a good ' pot luck' party!
I'd definitely go and spend ages thing about what I could make.
I think it's a great idea.
I dont see why you think shes taking tbe piss. Shes hired a hall, theres a disco on, everyone brings a bit of something.key ingredients for a great party. I think you and the sour face people bitching about her should stay away. Just because you've never been to something lie this before diesnt mean they dont happen and people do t enjoy themselves.
The last one we went to was I a field for a friends 50th in the summer. Great fun.

I’d reply

LMAO haha

See you there. BTW I am GF/Veggie/Vegan etc

See you on the night xxx

notacooldad I think the difference is you went to that kind of party for a friend, not an acquaintance.

Also, my understanding of the OP was that it’s not pot luck and there’s specific food requests on Facebook?

It is called a fuddle here in Leeds (had no idea what is was but we seem to have one every other week at work). I agree with previous posters, they can be really chilled and good fun events. If every one brings their own drink and a dish it is often a really cheap night. The odd thing is hiring somewhere 15 miles away from where you all live (unless there is good reason, such as actually the host living there) and then inviting people she does not really know. In the local village hall, I would be inclined to cook a dish and join in and hope to have a good time. Every one paying for a taxi for a 30 mile round trip to join in a party in these circumstances is just wierd.

I cant believe the consensus here. Does no one have any etiquette or good manners any more? If you invite people to your birthday party, you don't ask them to supply the grub. And I guess that 'mobile bar' means you'll be paying for the drinks as well!

She's a CF. Obviously you don't go. In fact, pass on her (un)generous invitation to someone you don't like.

notacooldad I think the difference is you went to that kind of party for a friend, not an acquaintance

Also, my understanding of the OP was that it’s not pot luck and there’s specific food requests on Facebook?

People from the same building but different teams were invited. These were just casual acquaintances and everyo ha a good time.

Face book request is a good idea as it saves lots of people bringing quiches and trifle.
Good thinking!!

Etiquette varies between different social circles.

This would be perfectly normal for a lot of people.

It’s not normal for you.

I have friends where every meet-up is a pot luck, and friends who hire caterers for tiny events. So long as she’s clear about expectations and how this party works then she’s not being rude/cheeky.

Go, don’t go, but no need for the judging.

It always seems to be the people with the most money that are the most tight fisted.
Maybe that's why they have so much money
Anyway, I wouldn't go either.

Wouldn’t bother me at all neither would the 15 miles and I would happily offer people lifts but then I live five miles from the nearest shop.
Our village often has a bring and share plate of food. I love them there are some bloody good cooks in our little village. There was one for NYE. There was one in the beginning of December too. Lots of us were PTA mums and now we are meeting back up as organising events. There is more than enough food including vegetarians, vegan and gluten free.

I am always amazed on mumsnet how people post on here. If you don’t want to go just turn down the invitation...simples!