Acquaintance (not even a friend) expecting people to cater at her event

[Hellokitty82]

What do people think about this

So a Mum at school (not even a close friend a Mum of my child's classmate) has set up a group and invited a load of us to "her 40th birthday party"

She's hired a village hall 15 miles from our village (as she said it's a lovely hall)

There will be a disco (her brother in law is a DJ) and a mobile Bar

All ok so far except for driving 15 miles!!

Then she's put on Facebook a list of party food and asked people what they will be bringing???? Wtf

I've NEVER gone to a party and been asked to cater for it and when it's been any of our party's I always fully cater myself.

She's not exactly skint either - her and her partner/husband have a big house, 2 nice cars and a holiday house so my first impression is she is taking the piss

Lots of talk at the school gates people saying it's out of order and they're not going I'm inclined to do the same - I barely know the woman (only to say hello too)

What do people think?

@ EmiliaAirheart hit the nail on the head. Exactly why I stay away from mums at the school gate. Just don’t go. In her circle of friends that’s probably what they all do..and she’s just had the courtesy to invite some other acquaintances.

We have parties all the time and have people bring food. It is called a potluck. We can invite more people and have a great time. No one can judge a financial situation. I know someone who lives the highlife and is up to their ears in debt. Another who lives very basically but is well sorted for any eventuality. The question is do you want to cultivate this friendship? Is this your community. If yes, go.

It's normal or not depending on who you're friends with or where your from but that is not the point of this thread.

Clearly this is the norm to her but not you and the school gate mafia.

Don't go. You'd all be doing her a favour.

Whenever our group of friends have a party the first question is, what can I bring? I appreciate being told what to bring otherwise a party would have 39 riches and no cakes. I can’t see the problem, but I would also prefer to take my own bottle rather than buy drinks at a bar.

I meant quiches rather than riches!

I think it's a lovely idea when it's a bunch of friends who just fancy a get together, not so much for a big birthday with a load of acquaintances.

I think it is a great idea - she can hold a big bash and invite lots of people she'd like to get to know (like yourself, though maybe not if she gets wind of your bitching) and not be restricted by numbers for catering!

What a great way to get lots of people together

I'd be fine with a pot luck party, but not a "bring this very specific dish" party.

I'd go but not bring food, I'd give her a present but not cash.

I wouldn't worry about it OP.

There's a very big chance she or some of the 80 other people invited will spot this thread on Mumsnet.

So you won't be invited again.

It's a shame for your DD though, if it affects her friendship with her DD which it probably would if she stumbles across this thread (or gets told about it).

Like others have said- pot luck with people you know well?- great idea.

Pot luck with people you have barely even said hello to?- tacky AF.
Pot luck with people you barely know PLUS asking for euros aswell? - yeah, she's a CF of the highest order.

I wouldnt be mean or say anything but I definitely would not go and i'd actually be surprised if she had more than 10 or so people attend.

Don't think it was described as pot luck party .it was described as a 40th. invites then only after were people told about bringing food . That is the problem .

Londoner here, and this is completely normal in several of my circles, particularly for large gatherings of people who are connected by something such as DC at school, local church etc etc. I have been to weddings catered this way, christenings and quite often to large birthday parties.

I am amazed to learn that some of those invited would apparently have been mortally offended...

Dont go

@Hellokitty82 Is the party host supplying the drinks?

so if you can't afford to invite all your friends to a party because you can't afford the time/money to cater you just don't have a party then?

Err, yes, that's exactly what happens. If you invite people to your party then you provide the food and drink. If you can't afford it don't have the party.

We've been invited to parties where there's a pay bar and no food and where we've taken a present. What exactly had the host invited people to?

This woman is a CF -would cost £40 each way here for a cab, plus drink, plus food, plus euros for the present and you just know that birthday girl has an acceptable amount of euros in mind and will know who doesn't give the required amount. So attending her party is going to cost getting on for £150. That's not being a good host.

so if you can't afford to invite all your friends to a party because you can't afford the time/money to cater you just don't have a party then?

Yes. Just like, if you can't afford to go on holiday- you dont book a trip to the maldives. Or, if you can't afford to buy a new car- you dont phone up a car dealer and tell them to reserve the Mercedes. Its a fairly simple and sensible concept

@NewName73

Nope no drinks supplied

It's a mobile bar from a pub that does outside events too and so everyone will buy their own

I'm wondering if she'll have someone on the door collecting 50p a person!!!

@WorraLiberty

That's he beauty of Mumsnet

I am one of 80 people invited writing this could even be the partner of someone invited it's anonymous no way would the "host" (I say that loosely!!) have anyway if knowing it's me as so many people have declined, 41 to be approximate

so many people have declined, 41 to be approximate

Clearly, lots of other people find her to be a CF too if her guest list has already halved in a matter of days! 🤷‍♀️

so if you can't afford to invite all your friends to a party because you can't afford the time/money to cater you just don't have a party then?

You sure AF don't order them what to bring as a dish, expect them to pay for their own drinks from a bar on top of that (BYOB is cheaper for the guests, usually) and then ask them for bloody cash as a gift on top of that. The dish is usually in lieu of a present.

I think, maybe, if you're going to direct guests on what to bring, then perhaps just a category, such as starter, salad, meat/fish/chicken, dessert, certainly not so specific like vegan cupcakes, gluten-free canapes. FFS.

Taxis can also be very expensive and plenty of places do not have Uber or much choice.

I just think.pit luck works if it's a community gathering put on for the benefit of a group - so a school holiday class picnic, or a family get together. If it's for an individual celebration then I think it's just being a cheapskate.

Mmm I might find this irksome if one of my friends was having their 40th in the arse end of nowhere under these circumstances. But as you barely know her and won’t be going who cares?

Take French Fancies 😆

The amount of food needed will depend on how many are going. So what quantity of their allocated dish does she want her guests to provide?