Acquaintance (not even a friend) expecting people to cater at her event

[Hellokitty82]

What do people think about this

So a Mum at school (not even a close friend a Mum of my child's classmate) has set up a group and invited a load of us to "her 40th birthday party"

She's hired a village hall 15 miles from our village (as she said it's a lovely hall)

There will be a disco (her brother in law is a DJ) and a mobile Bar

All ok so far except for driving 15 miles!!

Then she's put on Facebook a list of party food and asked people what they will be bringing???? Wtf

I've NEVER gone to a party and been asked to cater for it and when it's been any of our party's I always fully cater myself.

She's not exactly skint either - her and her partner/husband have a big house, 2 nice cars and a holiday house so my first impression is she is taking the piss

Lots of talk at the school gates people saying it's out of order and they're not going I'm inclined to do the same - I barely know the woman (only to say hello too)

What do people think?

When is she from? Bringing a plate is the norm in some countries...

If she's not s friend just dont go, easy

The euros request is really rude.

Pot luck lunches are usually at work places or a casual meet up between friends. I think she should provide the food. I would not, however, expect her to provide the drink. Some people do and it's a lovely gesture but would be very expensive. A pot luck wedding is just tight.

Maybe she invited you because she doesn't want anyone to feel left out and she asked everyone to bring a bit of food because that makes it a bit of a community feel. Also, I'm assuming she's not expecting presents, so this could be a nice way of contributing.

I'm more bothered about the mobile bar that a lot of people won't be able to use because they're driving 15 miles to the venue. But then again, a nice hall is a nice hall.

I agree with others that it's never nice to talk about someone at the school gates - I think that should be avoided really - it's so hurtful.

I agree with others that it's never nice to talk about someone at the school gates - I think that should be avoided really - it's so hurtful

The invitation was to the group, i.e. the gate parents, so yes, they'd see others are on the invitation and so would discuss it. Had the invitation been private and personal, then the talking would have been out of order.

Maybe she invited you because she doesn't want anyone to feel left out and she asked everyone to bring a bit of food because that makes it a bit of a community feel. Also, I'm assuming she's not expecting presents, so this could be a nice way of contributing.

She's invited all and sundry because a) it isn't costing her anything so she can invite as many people as she wants b) the more people she invites the more food is brought and c) the more people the more money she gets for her holiday.

Did you not see the part where she asks for euros to spend on holidayy in lieu of presents?

Also, I'm assuming she's not expecting presents, so this could be a nice way of contributing

Did you read the updates? she asked for presents- she asked for euros ASWELL. So, basically she's asked for money in addition to guests catering her own party-she's not even paying for drinks

Did you read the updates? she asked for presents- she asked for euros ASWELL

Incorrect. The OP said the woman's invite said No presents_ but your presence however we are going to France in the summer so if you wanted to give a little gift some euros would be appreciated

um...thats still requesting presents and the OP said over half of her guest list declined so, I think its pretty obvious what people think of this

Just decline invite...

So a potluck party. Or a food version of BYOB.

Makes more sense to list the food items than end up with x7 quiches or just desserts!

So you clearly loathE the grasping bitch and think this the worst idea ever - so just decline . And try to confine your bitching to this rather mean spirited thread.

And why do you reference her 40th birthday in quotation marks? Do you believe she is faking a birthday?

And for this fake? birthday party, you have been told no need for a present. So don't bring one. But if you insist, bring cash

And for this fake? birthday party, you have been told no need for a present. So don't bring one. But if you insist, bring cash

A food and money for the pay bar. And you just know that the "I don't want presents" isn't true. She clearly does want presents, in the form of cash, and anyone not coughing up a suitable amount will find themselves the target if school gate gossip.

They will? It said that on the invitation?

Saying it (for appearance sake) and meaning it are 2 entirely different things.

Given that half the guest list have declined others clearly think the same.

She's after the appearance of having a party, with all the Instagram photos, but without paying for it.

Tight as a fishes arse as my nan would say.

Is she American? Never heard of "pot luck" apart from there.

I never understand the mumsnet aversion to travelling further than the end of the road
I do an 80-mile commute daily, which I think might finish a lot of posters off! 15 miles is nothing really.

I’d happily contribute a tube of Pringles or something. But you don’t actually have to go if you don’t want to.

It’s true I’d not want that commute. I’m used to London distances though which are small.

"Is she American? Never heard of "pot luck" apart from there."

It may have originated in America, but I would say it is pretty common usage here these days.

DH's family live in Northumberland. It isn't unusual to do a 30 mile round trip to go to a family party/wedding. I don't mind not drinking, and am happy to drive. Some people seem to lead such small lives.

I was at a 50th recently where no gifts but food or drink is welcome. We had a great night there was a live band and a barrel of beer plus lots of amazing dishes to try. It's a community spirited party

No booze either! So it’s cost her the hall hire...

And she has probably got that on the cheap as has invited the caretaker (who has to get euros as a thank you)

I never understand the mumsnet aversion to travelling further than the end of the road
I do an 80-mile commute daily, which I think might finish a lot of posters off! 15 miles is nothing really.

Travelling for work is a necessity- I have to work to pay the mortgage.
I dont "have" to go to a virtual stranger's party. Plus, if you want to have a drink that means a taxi and taxis are very, very expensive where I live. Having to pay out for food, drinks, a present and then taxi fees on top of that is a bit ridiculous for someone you barely know. I completely understand why people dont want to do it.

'I never understand the mumsnet aversion to travelling further than the end of the road
I do an 80-mile commute daily, which I think might finish a lot of posters off! 15 miles is nothing really.'

If you've got to, you've got to. Though many people would either move house or change jobs to avoid an 80-mile commute, but some can't, or don't mind the commute.

In any case, there's a difference between doing something as part of what you're paid for, and doing it for a party with someone who isn't even a relative or close friend, but just someone whom you know vaguely.

I think it really does depend on where you live. I live in a place where I drive about that distance to go to the shop. A party 15 miles away I would consider local. For people living in other parts, 15 miles is a long way. I notice the same when posters are horrified at having to drive for 1-2 hours somewhere. For me, that is a normal drive. I would drive that just to meet for a coffee or for dinner.

A party to me is a way to kick back, maybe drink a bit more than I should*, laugh, dance, go home at stupid o'clock (never the last to leave!) and that means not driving. A taxi 15 miles would be £25 minimum here, so £50 all told. I would struggle to find that for a really good friend, not because I dont care but because I dont have much money spare. I earn well but its all accounted for. I would try and arrange a taxi share or something. I would make the effort but it would be costly.

For an aquaintance who had also directed me to bring a specific dish to cater her party plus indicated the present of choice with a "mean-it-dont-really-mean-it" opt out? Not a frigging chance. Its not about distance, its about cost. Like a weekday wedding, she is having a lovely cheap party because she is putting the cost onto her guests.

*Smug teetotallers, feel free to judge. No I dont need to drink to have fun, I choose to.