Acquaintance (not even a friend) expecting people to cater at her event

[Hellokitty82]

What do people think about this

So a Mum at school (not even a close friend a Mum of my child's classmate) has set up a group and invited a load of us to "her 40th birthday party"

She's hired a village hall 15 miles from our village (as she said it's a lovely hall)

There will be a disco (her brother in law is a DJ) and a mobile Bar

All ok so far except for driving 15 miles!!

Then she's put on Facebook a list of party food and asked people what they will be bringing???? Wtf

I've NEVER gone to a party and been asked to cater for it and when it's been any of our party's I always fully cater myself.

She's not exactly skint either - her and her partner/husband have a big house, 2 nice cars and a holiday house so my first impression is she is taking the piss

Lots of talk at the school gates people saying it's out of order and they're not going I'm inclined to do the same - I barely know the woman (only to say hello too)

What do people think?

OP I’d be interested to know how many decline

That food list, jeez.

We were invited to a 1st birthday party - told to bring our own drinks, food and entertainment (?!)

We did not go.

If you invite people to a party, it’s expected that you feed them and offer them drink. A get together is different.

BTW - she and her partner, not her and her partner

It is called a fuddle here in Leeds

Oh that’s taken me right back! Bunch of work colleagues looking at me gone out cos I didn’t know what a fiddle was!

and still ask for cash gifts

They didn't "No presents but your presence however we are going to France in the summer so if you wanted to give a little gift some euros would be appreciated"

Has nobody seen how much bother has been caused here by people not wanting presents? Posters suggesting alcohol/charity donations/cash in a card because they can't possibly mean it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3787636-to-give-the-newly-weds-exactly-what-their-invite-requests

Over 250 posts of people trying to decide if "just this small token please" means they actually want what they've asked for.

I don't understand why the OP is being made out to be nasty for posting on an anonymous forum when comments like two faced, same as your snobby bitch playground mates are acceptable.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with doing a pot luck party. She has been upfront about it. I don’t think it’s rude at all.

It’s literally an invitation to go or to decline. I don’t get the problem. She has even said not to bring presents.

Oh dear. I would politely decline but I wouldn’t be so offended and slag her off at the school gates.

Everyone saying it's normal where they are, lovely and it sounds great but it's not usual with OP is so this is off. I would decline, it's different if people offer to bring food/drink but you can't assume they'll want to. If you can't afford to feed people, you can't afford a big party.

What's wrong with doing a bring and share party? I've been to loads of them, they're great fun and always really relaxed. As long as it's clear from the outset what it is, I don't see what the big deal is. At most, you'd spend a fiver on some food to bring. You'd pay more than that in costa for a fancy coffee.

Avoid the drama and just don't go

As you already feel that driving a mere 15 miles is a long way, plus you stated she's an acquaintance only, don't go!

Don't join in on the bitchy comments either.

She's well off and she hired a village hall for her 40th? I thought they were used for like kids discos and party games.

Well for me it'd cost about £40 in taxi fares - most are going to want to drink, so unless you get a lot of shares it'd be an expensive trip.

£10ish for food. So that's £50 just to attend, unless you sort out taxi sharing, which could get awkward and annoying.

She also wants spending money for her holiday, which I'd feel (stupidly) obliged to give if others were chipping in there and then- which I also think this is the ultimate Cfery to ask of acquaintances. I wouldn't even request holiday cash from family!

If it was a gorgeous place with a free bar all evening with cocktails included that might be a bit more tempting and very generous of her.

But to me sounds like she's hired a cheap hall with a free DJ, free food with the hope of getting some 'free' cash thrown in.

I wonder how "free" the bar really is too. Like 2 small free drinks per guest before 7am from the cheap range.

I went to a wedding where this was the case. Best wedding I've been to. Everyone said what they were bringing so that everyone brought something other than cocktail sausages and crisps. Buffet food was in lieu of an actual wedding present

Well there was a colleague at work who once invited all her work colleagues to her house for a party but then announced she was charging them £1 entry. Six years later it was still a key topic of conversation. I think they may have been more willing if she had lived in a mansion with a pool but it was a small 3 bedroomed semi!

Really normal thing to do in my social circle. Generally very laid back. Been to ones for weddings, christenings, milestone birthdays and just for fun.

Darned cheap way to attend a birthday party, a massive carrot salad costs about a quid to make. No need to bother with a present. No one is expecting someone to make GF cupcakes for the first time, the coeliac will make those. Same with veggie and vegan food. What you take should fit with your budget, skills and tastes.

Invites go out to friends, family and some acquaintances. These acquaintances can either become friends or reveal their true colour and reject the invite because they think you are cheap.

15 miles is rather far, maybe it is a hall with a great garden.

Try it folks, they are good fun.

I don't think anyone would have an issue with a pot luck party if it was specified to be this in the first place. Issuing invitations, waiting until some have been accepted and then announcing that food is expected to be brought by guests is not usual, not normal amongst acquaintances and not polite. Absolutely fine if you make it clear from onset, but changing what's expected later just isn't.

It does also seem odd to do this for a birthday party, but then inviting the world and his wife to a birthday party also seems odd, rather like a charity event where the aim is get as many participants as possible and raise the maximum amount of funds. Asking for guests to cater and to donate towards the hostess's summer holiday does seem to make it look rather as though they are trying to do this, which is a sure-fire way of guaranteeing you will be talked about.

It's human nature that a person committing social faux pas will be discussed animatedly, especially by those who are not their nearest and dearest, like minesagin37's colleague...

I know not the point of the thread but @Retroflex can we have the chocolate vegan cupcake recipe please?

Threads like this intrigue me that it’s not much more common for threads to be identified. Lots invited, lots talking about it, mumsnet hugely popular - and yet I never see a poster saying “oh wow this is about my school / I also have been invited” etc

@TheNoodlesIncident I agree, it’s not about pot lucks, they are great.

Jesus. Don’t go then!

* a massive carrot salad costs about a quid to make. *. What would be in this salad?! I can’t imagine guests fighting over this dish!

Carrot cake is amazing, carrot salad is a garnish.

@midwintermorning
INGREDIENTS
200 grams all-purpose flour sifted
200 grams granulated sugar
75 grams unsweetened cocoa powder sifted
16 grams baking powder
450 ml soy, almond or coconut milk
35 grams vegetable oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

INSTRUCTIONS
Preheat the oven to 160 degrees C (320 degrees F).
In a large bowl, combine the flour, sugar, cocoa powder, and baking powder.
In a separate bowl, whisk the milk, vegetable oil, and vanilla extract.
Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and stir with a wooden spoon until combined. (Don't over-mix!)
Pour into silicone cake tray
Bake for 40 minutes for a large cake (around 25-30 minutes for cupcakes) or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

I don't understand why the OP is being made out to be nasty for posting on an anonymous forum when comments like two faced, same as your snobby bitch playground mates are acceptable.

Exactly. Notacooldad should take his own advice. He sounded spectacularly bitchy.

In all my 50odd years, I've never attended a potluck party, and I've lived in several very different areas. All the parties have had food laid on, BYOB.

I wonder how many end up going?

I wouldn't be going, because she's only on saying hello terms, and for me, it would cost the best part of £100 for taxis there and back.