Acquaintance (not even a friend) expecting people to cater at her event

[Hellokitty82]

What do people think about this

So a Mum at school (not even a close friend a Mum of my child's classmate) has set up a group and invited a load of us to "her 40th birthday party"

She's hired a village hall 15 miles from our village (as she said it's a lovely hall)

There will be a disco (her brother in law is a DJ) and a mobile Bar

All ok so far except for driving 15 miles!!

Then she's put on Facebook a list of party food and asked people what they will be bringing???? Wtf

I've NEVER gone to a party and been asked to cater for it and when it's been any of our party's I always fully cater myself.

She's not exactly skint either - her and her partner/husband have a big house, 2 nice cars and a holiday house so my first impression is she is taking the piss

Lots of talk at the school gates people saying it's out of order and they're not going I'm inclined to do the same - I barely know the woman (only to say hello too)

What do people think?

PPS how did she gauge it so badly???

I understand pot luck parties (although I have always catered my own birthday parties) but this just seems different. Inviting a bunch of people you don't know to your birthday whilst at the same time asking them to cater the event seems v odd and v cheeky to me.

15 miles isn't that far just get a taxi...

It would be around £30 each way where I live.

I once went to a 40th where the (well off) host came around holding an urn demanding money to cover the cost of the hog roast she had supplied. I'd travelled for 200 miles to be there, paid for a hotel, bought a fairly expensive present, provided two kegs of beer and I'm vegetarian! Needless to say I did not contribute!

Nothing surprises me anymore 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Nothing wrong with asking people to bring something. People can choose whatever set up they want for their event, and the way I see it, it's up to me to decide whether or not to go. Personally, I am more likely to decline an invitation that stipulates fancy dress than one that asks me to bring a dish!

I see a lot of focus on the "vegan cupcake" thing, and although I'm not a vegetarian, nevermind a vegan, the most delicious chocolate cake I make is actually a vegan recipe! honestly it's so moist and tasty, but definitely not for those watching their weight as oil replaces eggs etc

I wouldnt bother going. Its 15 miles away and you have to bring food? We had to do this once. They ended up with a table full of crisps and cakes, no sandwiches nor sausage rolls.

I'm in Italy and I'd say it's the absolute norm to do this kind of thing in a village hall. Caterers without a kitchen are generally not great!

They are a Crate and a plate party where I grew up. Bring your own booze and a plate to share.
We do it for Xmas every year as it makes it easier on the host and shares the expense and burden.

Mum always made Eclairs when I was a kid then if she didn’t really like the guests (and was extremely passive aggressive) would over filled them with cream so they would pop all over their clothing.

Why has she done it? Because she’s a tight arse who has lots of money because she’s loathe to spend it on anyone else. My friend had a 40th at a country hall (hour or so travel for everyone), put on no transport, minimal food and asked us to bring our own booze. I was pissed! I really didnt want to go. I thought it was so cheap , particularly since she has loads of money, a beach house and a cleaner!!!

Pot luck/bring and share is fine (although I agree it's something you tend to do within specific circles and is a little odd with people you actually don't know all that well). The ridiculous specific list is cheeky, though, and goes entirely against the spirit of a pot luck (it's in the name! You get what people choose to bring along! The most that ever happens is that people fill in their choice of what they're bringing on a list to avoid 6 lots of pasta salad).

www.iceland.co.uk/p/iceland-luxury-whole-side-of-atlantic-salmon-600g/77405.html

There you go. £9. Even M&S whole side is under £20. Hardly going to break the bank to cook that and plonk it on a few fancy salad leaves!

My only problem would be the distance as I no longer drive. (Oh and the CF request for euros) It would be lovely to have groups that did this locally. Our village has a pot-luck lunch but it's really for the elderly and, as such, tends to be an awkward time.

I used to belong to a church that had a pot luck after the service once a month and actually took over organising it so we didn't get 15 baguettes and no cheese or butter, it was great fun and discovered some awesome cooks. As it was more organised I was able to arrange it so the people with little or no money supplied the cheapest items and no-one was ever turned away. We also had a very eclectic and diverse congregation so got to try foreign foods we had never previously heard of.

I would reconsider OP, sort out some car shares and , who knows, you might have a lovely time and make new friends. You might also come home with new ideas how to make this a more regular event closer to home.

As others have said, this is totally normal in Australia. Both alcohol and food.
It's nice and fun.
But if you're all bitching behind her back, don't go as you're not her friend.

How is it cheeky? It’s her party, she is free to make whatever request she likes. She’s asking people to bring a dish, which would probably be much cheaper than bringing a gift or were you planning to show up empty handed?

You do not have to go and good for you showing your maturity in engaging in school yard moaning. I suspect that a lot of the school mum moaners will be two faced and turn up at the birthday party.

Her personal choice isn’t hurting anyone. accept the very fragile sensibilities of people who have way too much time on their hands.

I have been to some lovely 'Bring And Share' parties. No problem with that type of party for me.

But it shouid be specified from the outset that that is what itnis.

And if there are lists of food (to try to avoid glut of X and no Y whatsoever), they shouldn't be too prescriptive. Excellent that host is thinking of gluten-free options - vegetarians are usually remembered at thus kind of event, but not thise with other r structuring.

Bitching at the school gate is a lot worse than her invite. You get a choice, go or don't go. But don't spread nastiness around. There is no one etiquette book, everyone has their own way of doing things and you choose whether you join in or not. But don't tear others down. Remember people might do the same to you over something minor, how would you feel being the subject of school gate gossip?

The issue is (as far as I can tell from the OP) that this was initially presented as a standard party, people were invited and accepted, and only then did the list of food appear.

If it had been announced as a Jacob's Join/Potluck etc. from the outset, I don't think people would be complaining.

I went to a NYE party recently where we all brought something to eat and a bottle.

It was a nice evening.

Have you really never heard of a Jacob's join

I've never heard of that! I've heard of "pot luck" though.

The bit that would bother me is the 30 mile round trip, which would mean no drinking for me as the driver. So BYOF and have an orange juice?

What's the bet the mobile bar turns out to be a paid bar!

It’s a shame for her as her party could be much emptier. She should have just organised the food too.

It is weird OP. Generally if you invite someone to a party you are, y'know, providing the party.

I also don't think you are undergoing a failure of etiquette. You are asking on here, an anonymous forum not rabbitting on about it at the school gates (presumably).
I would politely decline. She is after all the benefits of a party with none of the downside and it is CF of her.

@flouncyfanny, I suspect people are having a dig at the op because of this Lots of talk at the school gates people saying it's out of order and they're not going I'm inclined to do the same
The op doesn’t need to go to the party but to be gossiping about it at the school gates isn’t very nice either