Acquaintance (not even a friend) expecting people to cater at her event

[Hellokitty82]

What do people think about this

So a Mum at school (not even a close friend a Mum of my child's classmate) has set up a group and invited a load of us to "her 40th birthday party"

She's hired a village hall 15 miles from our village (as she said it's a lovely hall)

There will be a disco (her brother in law is a DJ) and a mobile Bar

All ok so far except for driving 15 miles!!

Then she's put on Facebook a list of party food and asked people what they will be bringing???? Wtf

I've NEVER gone to a party and been asked to cater for it and when it's been any of our party's I always fully cater myself.

She's not exactly skint either - her and her partner/husband have a big house, 2 nice cars and a holiday house so my first impression is she is taking the piss

Lots of talk at the school gates people saying it's out of order and they're not going I'm inclined to do the same - I barely know the woman (only to say hello too)

What do people think?

It might be a bit odd but I'd rather go to a potluck than have to think of a birthday gift for her. This is way more practical and less fussy. If my friend (or "acquaintance") had a birthday wish to see everyone and have fun without slaving over canapes or other nonsense, I'd happily go along with it.

You can get a lot of Couscous with roasted vegetables for less than a fiver. Certainly way easier than doing quiche. YABU OP, dont go if you dont want to but I dont see any reason for you to piss on her party.

I mean I quite like a pot luck but you don't have to go and 15 miles isn't that far just get a taxi...

But if you don't want to go then decline the invite. She's excited to have something to plan so let her have it

Quite normal in my circles (fairly well off London under 30s) to either bring a dish or recompense (£20 in a card) when invited to an event. If you can't afford or can't be bothered then declining is accepted in good grace. Why are you in such a tiz?

Bring and share meals are very common where I am from.

I even went to a wedding that was bring and share! That is rare though!

If you do not fancy going then don't go.

Vegan cupcakes and feta salad aren't expensive...

£4-10 max each

You can get a lot of Couscous with roasted vegetables for less than a fiver

YEah but its like the wedding present list, or the school Xmas party food lists (that you dont see anymore) where the quick of the mark get the cheapest options and the rest of us get stuck with vegan frigging cupcakes. I;'m sorry but I wouldnt go to that much trouble for my own sister if she was going to post that shit and not ask me personally if I would do them!

15 miles isn't that far just get a taxi...

Where I am (small midlands town, not posh) 15 miles would cost you £25. So you're out £50 straight away before the cost (and effort) of gluten free canapes and buying euros because you're worried about looking tight......

Take a dish of delicious fatballs.

Go if you want. Don’t if you think it will not be fun. Take what you like or take nothing.

She might have bad manners or just a different upbringing than you.

It sounds like a pot luck?

I had to laugh at a pp suggestion that the party girl is just excited about having something to plan. Plan what?!? The DJ is her family and won’t cost her anything so that’s taken care of, the village hall won’t cost much and is sorted if she has booked it, the bar is a paid bar so no stress there and all the food is being provided by her guests wait hold on, I’m sure she’ll be up to her eyeballs locating some plastic sporks ...

Someone I know was invited to a similar event recently . It was a large family / extended family gathering , initially they asked to bring a dish , which switched to a request for a donation for the event catering .

OP, if you ever visit Australia I strongly suggest you don't go to any parties. Contributing a dish is pretty standard out here.

A party that everyone else is paying for. I have been to parties like this where a group of friends, their friends and their friends friends all get together and have fun. However, I would decline this invitation because it's for the benefit of one person who you aren't particularly close to.

Until the update, I was going to say YABU, however, that invitation is asking far too much of a guest.

Otherwise, I’m with LadyMinerva, in Australia it’s pretty standard to be asked to bring a bottle and plate of food to share. It’s a great way to bring people together without putting the financial burden on to one person alone. No one bats an eyelid. I think it’s great.

Another migrant to Aus who finds this completely normal.
Even Christmas Day people take food/salad/dessert to a gathering as it eases the burden.

Oh, OK read your update. Poached salmon and something for France! YANBY because I took was thinking of a salad!

Oh my that is one cheeky fucker. I don’t think she’s going to get many interested in this party! What a shame. She should have catered for everyone and a byob. At least 30% would have declined even on those terms so it wouldn’t have been massively expensive.

And to those saying perhaps she can’t afford it. Answer = don’t invite people you hardly know to a big party. Cut your cloth and all that.

I think it's ok among close friends and family- pot luck supper etc, or for a barbecue in the summer.

I've never heard of this for a large birthday party where acquaintances are invited and at a village hall.

15 miles there and back = a right arse in a rural place for someone you don't know that well.

I'd be tempted to go for a bit, if I could sort out car sharing just to see how bad it is, and find the cheapest salmon possible in Iceland or something. It wouldn't be so bad if they weren't asking for a gift as well!

Loads of people won't bother though for a 40th with this much effort required, I'm not surprised so many have declined already. Friends who have had 40th dos (where you just have to turn up) have had most of their guests change their minds at the last minute - it's an age where people have young kids and it's not always easy to get out let alone organise getting there and back, food and a gift! The most successful parties I've been to are where it's walking/stumbling distance for most people and you just bring a bottle and a card.

Having thrown parties for my 40th, 50th and 60th birthdays, what I find odd about this is inviting casual acquaintances to a special birthday. I invited people I knew and/or loved. All food and drink was provided, though inevitably folk turn up with booze. In no case was a plate requested (and yes one of these was in Australia). Now I think of it, none was offered, the difference of the occasion was noted.

Christmas/Christmas in July/Australia/Invasion Day, etc. are quite different matters. These are not personal. If the host wants to celebrate her personal day then it's height of rudeness and vulgarity to expect others to contribute.

OP, YANBU and the would-be host is a CF. Setting up a group to fund her own birthday party says she has sod-all mates, and with her grabby attitude, I'm not surprised.

Lots of posters saying it's just a pot luck but it seems that it was announced as a pot luck after the invitation. This is rude.

Pot luck parties don't usually involve inviting 80 people on Facebook, travelling 15 miles and also asking for cash for a trip to France. They usually involve walking round to a neighbour's and minimal effort.

Not sure if I've missed anyone saying this yet... surely the CF'ery is not too mention it in the invite?

If you invited all the class parents then you might say "I know this is out of the blue, but want as many people as possible to enjoy a great evening out... my bil is the DJ, awesome place, would love to see you. Please, no gifts, just bring a plate!"

That would be fine with me, but the girly cosy, "so what are you going to contribute to my party" afterwards? Nope, rude. Does she think she has power of veto?

Nobody is forcing her to have a party and to invite people she barely knows. It's not like a close-knit group of friends who all take it in turns to have the party at theirs and everyone brings something. This woman has an idea of the kind of party she would like but just doesn't want to pay for it. Hiring a non-local hall makes it more difficult for many guests, deciding the type of food she deems acceptable for guests to bring and making it clear that a token gift would not be welcomed and expecting people to go to the faff of buying £20 worth of euros shows she is not thinking of her guests at all. She wants a particular type of party and has behaved in a tacky manner (inviting people she barely knows to make up numbers, supply the buffet and give her cash) and just doesn't want to have to pay for the party. This is so different from a potluck party.

Knew I missed a page.. salmon and vegan cupcakes? It's not the cost, it's the time. If I had time and money to poach salmon for 50 people, I wouldn't be doing it for someone I don't know.