Acquaintance (not even a friend) expecting people to cater at her event

[Hellokitty82]

What do people think about this

So a Mum at school (not even a close friend a Mum of my child's classmate) has set up a group and invited a load of us to "her 40th birthday party"

She's hired a village hall 15 miles from our village (as she said it's a lovely hall)

There will be a disco (her brother in law is a DJ) and a mobile Bar

All ok so far except for driving 15 miles!!

Then she's put on Facebook a list of party food and asked people what they will be bringing???? Wtf

I've NEVER gone to a party and been asked to cater for it and when it's been any of our party's I always fully cater myself.

She's not exactly skint either - her and her partner/husband have a big house, 2 nice cars and a holiday house so my first impression is she is taking the piss

Lots of talk at the school gates people saying it's out of order and they're not going I'm inclined to do the same - I barely know the woman (only to say hello too)

What do people think?

I’m going to start doing this 😂, I’ll send group texts “I’m off to John Lewis so any gift cards welcome”.

Our village often has a bring and share plate of food. I love them there are some bloody good cooks in our little village. There was one for NYE. There was one in the beginning of December too.

I think this is fine for general celebrations that everyone is helping to organise, but it’s a bit different to decide you want to have a birthday party and invite people and then ask them to bring food.

Meh, couldn't be getting my arse in my hands over this, and would pick something I could do, and bring it without a second thought.

The euros I'd be a bit hmmm about though, but saves her getting shit she doesn't wish.

Sounds like you can't stand her though, and bitching at the school gates is particularly unpleasant behaviour. I think it's right you're not going,

I wouldn’t be so bothered about the fact it’s a pot luck type party, I wouldn’t want the responsibility of producing gluten free foods though. There’s a lot of bread in my kitchen! What if someone has a reaction?

It seems fine to me. It’s a pot luck party. Quite normal.

Different people/ groups/ cultures/ families do things differently. Maybe it's not helpful to judge others for not conforming to what is 'normal' for you. You now know the full offer and you can choose to take it up or decline the invitation.

Personally I think it's a great idea and I'd hate for parties to only be possible if one person is rich enough to pay for it all. Plus then they'd invariably get stuff they might not want or need as presents which seems wasteful.

40th birthday in a hall? I think it is tight. Why host a party if you can’t even afford to put some food on?

I wouldn’t go.

We've done and been to loads of parties where you bring a dish to share. I love it but it's always very relaxed, such as bring a dish if you can, of anything, but it's not a problem if you can't as there'll be loads. She's definitely taking the piss having such a specific list and insisting everyone must bring something!

We had a really good 'pie and ale' party once where people brought loads of amazing handmade pies, sides/salad, cake and ales. Lovely!

The op doesn’t need to go to the party but to be gossiping about it at the school gates isn’t very nice either

But it's a group invitation, why would it be out of order for the group to discuss it? How is it gossip?

Now you know why they have a big house, 2 cars etc..!

Totally normal here in NZ to bring a plate. Last party I went to exactly that and it was wonderful. About half the people who attended had travelled well over an hour to get there and had had to use a dazzling array of up to 3 public transport options! Even a bag of crisps or some shop bought cakes were welcomed.

It's so normal to bring a plate to a gathering here we've struggled to stop people bringing food with them when we've fully catered. We usually end up with a crap tonne of salads, 50 sausages and 5 desserts for 6 people

Having said that the specific list of foods is bonkers. I suppose it does avoid the issue of 10 Greek salads and 35 bags of crisps on the buffet.

I can't believe the amount of people who think this is ok. So you would throw a party for yourself, your own birthday, and expect people ypu barely know to cater to your specigic requests?! How entitled can you get?!

Doing this style of party for a general party for everyone like a halloween party or something, fine. But only with friends ans family.

It sounds like she's trying to make up the numbers and therefore the amount of food and euros by inviting everyone she's said hello to.

YANBU at all OP.

I am presuming that this isn’t the US, Oz or Canada and that this is small town UK. In which case I don’t think it is normal to have a celebration in a hall and have a pot luck. Yes BYO to a house party or family and friends BBQ but not a special birthday at a hired venue. Maybe passable if close friends and family were the only invitees but random people from the playground? Not usual.

I also agree that for small town UK a party 15 mikes away is a fair old distance and for me too a taxi this way would be £30 each way.

IMHO you are invited to make up numbers and food and drink and yes, I agree she is being a CF.

But it's a group invitation, why would it be out of order for the group to discuss it?

It is out of order to post quite specific details on MN and "discuss" it though. Should she be on MN there's is no way on earth she would not recognise herself from this and so will anyone else on the guest list.

*plus she's listing specific expensive things like

Vegetables*
"Gluten free canapés"*
"vegan cupcakes"
"Poached salmon"
"Couscous with roasted vegetables"
"Greek salad with feta"
You are just looking at things to bitch about now. Apart from the sal.on they are not expensive.
Gluten free canapes? Olives, cheese and pineapple sticks, tomato with ricotta.
Cousin boys with roast veg, that's my every day lunch when I'm on a budget.
All this talk of bad etiquette! You sound such a fake snob like Hycinth Bucket
The best thing is for you not to go as otherwise you would be two faced, same as your snobby bitch playground mates.
Personally I would grand have a bit if fun, it's a night out, there would be people there I know that I could have a laugh with. What's wrong with that?

Where I am (small midlands town, not posh) 15 miles would cost you £25. So you're out £50 straight away so you share with other parents, or hire a 12, 15 seater or whatever to keep costs down.
For me, it would be veg cousin cousin, €20 and I'll drive so it would be a cheap night out and a bit if a laugh.
Some of you really dont like doing anything out of your own zone!!!

Have you really never heard of a Jacob's join, OP?

I can't say I have, to be honest. Pot luck party, yes. I can't see how this is such a problem, and it's better that what people bring is organised than that 10 people all bring sausage rolls.

I just think it's demanding and quite rude really

Why is it demanding, OP? No-one is making you go.

I’m a fan of a pot luck party and have hosted and attended a few but this does sound like a piss take.

If the guests were invited to bring a salad, side or pudding (i.e. the host provides the expensive stuff like the salmon!) instead of a present and if all drinks were laid on then I think it would be ok.

But the list of specific dishes and the request for Euros is just so grabby!

Between that, the fact that you are not close friends and the 30mile round trip, I’d definitely be declining.

Very common in Australia to "take a plate [of food]" to celebrations.

Its a great idea imo

It's an unusual way to host a party in the UK, for sure, but I think it's up to her how she wants to do it and up to the people who've been invited if they want to go or not.

I assume she's providing the booze as you haven't mentioned that? That's always the most expensive thing at a party.

The gluten free & vegan options are probably so the food can be inclusive for all the guests.

You have no way of knowing her financial situation - we have a nice house & cars but are wondering if we can afford a 60th birthday party this summer for DH.

And YABVU to bitch about it at the school gates and on here. It won't be long before one of the tabloids picks up on this, it's the sort of story they love.

It’s very normal in our SE England mostly school/church based friendship group . So much so that even when I have done catered parties and announced it well in advance, people still tend to bring a dish. The automatic response to an invitation seems to be ‘what can I bring?’ People also bring wine/beer/spirit of choice.

That being said, it might be that some people do find this practice grabby or annoying and are politely declining the invitation. That’s fine too.

I don't like this trend to bring food but then I like hosting and cooking. I'd be a bit offended if someone brought a Tupperware to my house! In my opinion if you host you host, guests just arrive and enjoy themselves and don't have to prep or buy it but I know the pot luck thing is fairly common.

Just don't go. It sounds like it's not your thing and you aren't particularly close.

Pot luck with people you know and by agreement is reasonable, this is not. I'd definitely have other plans.