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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think asking “Are you alright for a drink”? Is not offering someone a drink?

442 replies

SproutMuncher · 07/01/2020 16:53

Last night I went to the pub with 3 friends, one of whom brought her new(ish) partner, so there were 5 of us. I arrived last, and said I was going to the bar and asked if anyone would like a drink, to which they all said yes and I bought the round - fine.

When we finished our drinks, one of my friends did the same - fine.

When my friend’s boyfriend finished his drink, he asked his girlfriend if she wanted a another red wine, then as he got up to go, said to the rest of us “are you guys alright for a drink?”. We all said we were fine but it narked me a bit.

I know it isn’t a massive deal and actually this aside I really liked the guy, but just interested in people’s thoughts. AIBU to think this isn’t really offering to buy us drinks at all?

OP posts:

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 07/01/2020 17:16

Definitely offering.

When asked like that I just have a look at my glass, decide if I am OK or not and respond with "I'll have a vodka n lemonade thanks" if I want one. No need for long drawn out responses. It's a drink. Whoever goes to the bar is offering to buy if they make any sort of noise about it to the rest of the table.

SillyUnMurphy · 07/01/2020 17:16

Because (a) he didn't make it easy and (b) they don't know him all that well.

That makes no sense. He literally asked if they were alright for a drink. OP wasn’t and should have said so. And ‘they didn’t know him that well’ - they had just bought two drinks for him. Jeez!

crimsonlake · 07/01/2020 17:16

I think he worded it to get out of buying a round. Same as the wording in some supermarkets where the cashiers ask ' are you all right with your packing ' instead of wording it ' do you need any help packing'

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 07/01/2020 17:17

they don't know him all that well

And he didn't know them. It's an awkward way of offering a drink, made by a person who felt awkward.

Are you alright for a drink?

A perfectly reasonable answer to that is "Yes, I'll have another white wine".

It may not be perfect Queen's English, but it is generally understand the meaning.

OytheBumbler · 07/01/2020 17:18

Nope, I'm a tight-fisted northerner and that's exactly how I'd phrase it if I didn't really want to get a round in.
YANBU

Original poster

SproutMuncher · 07/01/2020 17:18

In hindsight I should have just said yes please, but it felt like he was hoping we would say no and I felt a bit awkward. Anyway I’m happy to accept that given lots of people mean it genuinely as an offer to buy that he did as well.

Do you not get out much OP?

Ha, I have a toddler and am pregnant so actually no I don’t - may explain it

OP posts:

TheGirlWithAPrince · 07/01/2020 17:19

Its offering , here you would reply I could do with another or ill have another wine please etc

melj1213 · 07/01/2020 17:19

Honestly, this is always how my friends and I talk. It's a way of offering without making people feel like they have to keep up.

If my drink is empty but other people aren't finished, I will always offer with a "I'm going to the bar, you alright for drinks?" It is then answered with "Yeah, I'm good for the minute" or "Oh, since you're going can I have another XYZ, please?". Its just a way to acknowledge that they still have a drink so I'm not trying to rush them/its fine if they dont want another drink yet but, since my glass is empty and I'm going to the bar, will get them another if they want.

Kubo · 07/01/2020 17:19

I guess there are regional differences here? I can just about see ‘are you alright for a drink’ to mean ‘I’m going to the bar, is this a good time for more drinks for everyone?’ But I would definitely interpret it as the OP has done. I have used it that way when I’ve come into the office and want to make a cups and can see everyone has mugs and I’m hoping they’re all half full still so I don’t have to make tea for everyone.

Flacker · 07/01/2020 17:19

I think the fact that you all said you were fine even though your drinks were nearly empty and you'd already bought rounds proves your point OP! It might not be deliberate but it's obviously not an encouraging way of offering as you have to answer in the negative to get the drink. To me it sounds more like what people say when there haven't been rounds already bought but they're just trying to sound polite when they're going to the bar.

NoSauce · 07/01/2020 17:19

He was offering in an arse about tit way.

sauvignonandcheesecake · 07/01/2020 17:19

I totally agree with OP. If it's my round I say "Right it's my round, what would you like to drink?" so that people feel they can ask for whatever they want. I would never phrase it like he did and I think that anyone who says that the two ways of asking are the same thing is being disingenuous.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 07/01/2020 17:20

Makes perfect fucking sense. He worded his 'offer' in a non-inviting manner. And they didn't know him that well; but they have some social graces and included him in their round.

And .... Jeez right back at ya!

kingkuta · 07/01/2020 17:20

Northerner here. Definitely tight bastard. You get up and get your round if you are in one, not try and duck out of drinks. He had already asked his gf specifically what she wanted so to get up and head to the bar asking 'you alright for one' is hoping people would feel awkward and say no, and he got the desired result

MaryShelley1818 · 07/01/2020 17:20

I don't understand - he offered to get everyone a drink.

Original poster

SproutMuncher · 07/01/2020 17:20

I don’t know if he is Northern actually! He lives in the East Midlands and has no discernible accent, but don’t know where he grew up.

OP posts:

Tempotempo · 07/01/2020 17:20

TellMe, it isn't about Queen's English, not at all, almost the opposite.

BumbleBeee69 · 07/01/2020 17:21

He was NOT offering a drink he was reverse offering..

do you guys want another drink? (this is an offer)

compares to

you guys alright for a drink... ? (this is not an offer)

He's a tight arse.. who keeps his hands firmly in his pocket...

iklboo · 07/01/2020 17:22

I'm a northerner. We all say 'are you alright for a drink' meaning 'would you like a drink now' (not hoping you'd say no) in our gang.

Nottobesoldseparately · 07/01/2020 17:24

Now you see, after reading just your title I was coming on to say absolutely it's an offer to buy a drink and was presuming you had said it to someone and then complaining that you did in fact have to buy one.

I am from Yorkshire. Very oft used phrase round these parts.

Purpleartichoke · 07/01/2020 17:24

I would take it as asking if you want another round or if you want to stop because you have already had several and don’t want to over do it. As in, “are you too intoxicated for another? “

Tempotempo · 07/01/2020 17:24

I'm from York which I think qualifies as 'northern'. I think are you alright for a drink means it looks like you already have a drink, yes? so I don't need to get you one (but would be happy to get you one if you needed one).

Disquieted1 · 07/01/2020 17:25

He's either completely innocent or potentially a sponging cocklodger!
Keep an eye on him and report back.

kingkuta · 07/01/2020 17:25

So OP, did you and your friend just sit there with no drinks while the guy and his gf sat chugging their full glasses? Surely it was awkward when he came back with drinks and you two were just sat there?

GnomeStar · 07/01/2020 17:25

2. you guys alright for a drink... ? (this is not an offer)

But many many people have replied saying they use this phrase and it 100% IS an offer. Or are those people all lying?

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