to think asking “Are you alright for a drink”? Is not offering someone a drink?

[SproutMuncher]

Last night I went to the pub with 3 friends, one of whom brought her new(ish) partner, so there were 5 of us. I arrived last, and said I was going to the bar and asked if anyone would like a drink, to which they all said yes and I bought the round - fine.

When we finished our drinks, one of my friends did the same - fine.

When my friend’s boyfriend finished his drink, he asked his girlfriend if she wanted a another red wine, then as he got up to go, said to the rest of us “are you guys alright for a drink?”. We all said we were fine but it narked me a bit.

I know it isn’t a massive deal and actually this aside I really liked the guy, but just interested in people’s thoughts. AIBU to think this isn’t really offering to buy us drinks at all?

I agree that the tone and delivery says a lot too - as much as the words.

A hastily thrown over the shoulder comment 'is everyone okay for a drink' as someone is almost already at the bar, isn't really expecting or inviting everyone to ask for a drink. It's for show and social etiquette. However, it could be said whilst looking at everyone individually and waiting for a nod or shake of the head from each person, so an individualised genuine question, with the expectation that most people will ask for something.

Round buying and culture is a big thing for some people - if you're in a pub or club regularly, if you drink a lot, if you have a set 'culture' about this with your friends, people can really not ie if someone doesn't quite fit with what is seen as normal. People can be quickly judged,mrightlynirnwrongly based on it. In other groups, there's much more variety which could be rounds sometimes, paired buying or individual buying other times. Always taking your turn to buy a round in a big group also encourages drinking lots - people might decide they want 6 drinks to get their money's worth and having spent £30 on a big round (or more) feel peeved when someone doesn't spend the same. Those just having a couple of drinks on a night out probably aren't so bothered about who bought theirs or if they bought a round of 3 drinks or 4.

The thing is, if multiple people are saying it's a genuine offer where they're from, then clearly to a lot of people it IS a genuine offer! You can't just keep saying "it's not a genuine offer".

@SproutMuncher

I would take it as an offer.

What if they say 'nah I have finished mine...?' Is the person asking 'are you OK for a drink' going to say 'well give me a fiver to get you one then?!'

That would be very rude. And odd.

Why are you 'narked' about it? Weird thing to get narked about.

Must be a regional thing? Where is he from?

To me, this is definitely an implied ‘you don’t need another drink’ but so many people are saying otherwise that it really must be a thing.

Unless they’re reading it are ‘are you alright to have another drink?’ in which case yes feels more acceptable.

I think the fact that he offered his girlfriend a drink in a normal way, “would you like another.....” implies that he was not really offering to buy a round to the others. I get that it could Be an offer, but in this instance I think he was trying to get away with it. If it happens again OP, just say ‘same again’, I would have done that anyway.

That's definitely a way of asking if you want a drink where I'm from.

Ì think buying rounds is a bit awkward, and really expensive, so he was potentially trying to break out of that and just buy their drinks. If there are 5 people in the group, and everyone does a round, not everyone wants to drink 5 drinks. He offered drinks, and noone wanted one.

It’s definitely asking.

To PP who asked what happened when they got back with their drinks, we finished ours shortly afterwards (he wasn’t gone long, it was quiet in the pub) and the friend who hadn’t yet bought a drink got a round the three of us. She did ask them if they'd like a drink and they said no.

We left after those drinks so no he didn’t get a full round @pourmorewine

@WombatChocolate I haven’t written him off! As I said, I liked him, and I want to get on well with him as this friend has had a messy divorce and I want happiness for her. I said in the OP that I knew it wasn’t a big deal, and have since accepted that he probably meant it genuinely and it was me being unreasonable.

It's not offering.

It's begging you to say ' no, no, don't worry about me, I'm fine with the tiny dribble of drink I have remaining in my glass, honestly.'

It's saying 'I'm aware that convention says I should offer to buy you a drink, but I don't really want to buy it'.

"He offered, but in a way that encourages you to say no."

This. He was basically saying 'you don't want one, do you?'

I think buying rounds is a bit awkward, and really expensive, so he was potentially trying to break out of that and just buy their drinks
Absolute definition of a tight cunt. Someone who does this AFTER everyone else in the group has bought them a round.

Means "do you want a drink?" round here, certainly among everyone I know. The answer would be yes all fine, or can you get be xyz.

I guess, depending on the type of person, it could seem as though they're not really offering, but that isn't how it is used amongst my friends.

Saying you were fine means you don't want a drink.

It's making the gesture, but encouraging the answer of, "yes I'm fine" - I interpret it as a bit of a, "you'll have had your tea?"

Exactly-my first thought would be that he’s a bit of a tightwad-see if he does it again next time.

I’d have been embarrassed if I’d been the girlfriend. It was offering in such a way that invited a, ‘I’m fine, thanks’. Was he hoping to just go out with his girlfriend?

'I think buying rounds is a bit awkward, and really expensive, so he was potentially trying to break out of that and just buy their drinks'

Well he should have said at the start that he and his gf would stick to getting their own drinks.

If you wanted one why didn't you say "I'll have ... please"

If i said that to my mates at the pub I'd be coming back with a full round as requested

yabu - he was clearly acknowledging that it was his round but equally was aware that you might not want more than 2 drinks on a school night so trying to make sure he didn't pressure you onto drinking more than you wanted. if he has a sense if decency he will remember he still owes you a drink next time you are together (and if he doesn't then it is totally ok to remind him)

Nah that’s not offering properly. The last two people bought proper rounds. That’s “I’ll get you a drink if you like” NOT “now it’s my round, what’s everyone having”. I would definitely make sure I buy everyone a drink - even if they just put it to the side of their current one, unless they really, really don’t want one - that’s what buying a round means.

In what world would you say to someone on the second time of meeting them ‘remember you owe me a drink?’

Mumsnet baffles me at times.

He was being tight and I'd guess he's well practised on how to offer a drink whilst making it awkward for the person to say yes.

'he was clearly acknowledging that it was his round but equally was aware that you might not want more than 2 drinks on a school night so trying to make sure he didn't pressure you onto drinking more than you wanted.'

I'd take that as offering. It's common phrasing when out with my friends. If we are not alright we say and the person buys

It means offering round here. South Yorkshire.

Having said that I get that some people are poor and maybe can’t afford to buy a round for five people (though he was with his GF so technically it would be 2.5 drinks a piece). If you’re in that situation I guess the best thing is just to make an excuse and decline the offer after you’ve had the first drink.