CF neighbours

[lcyb]

My neighbours are really starting to piss me off. They're an elderly couple and initially were lovely when we first moved in.

The past week or so though they have been awful. A few incidents have occurred now.

1st - was watching TV in my bedroom. My TV is on a chest of drawers in front of the wall. Neighbour bangs on wall and says "every bloody night that telly". Telly wasn't even on loud at all and I had subtitles on as it was so quiet. I was like but then let it go.

2nd - DS not well. Was crying for a couple of hours but wouldn't settle no matter what I did. Could hear my neighbour shouting about how he wouldn't shut up and they were getting really irate. Don't know what I was supposed to do in that situation?

3rd - was last night. Banging really loudly on the wall at half 11, so much so that it woke my baby up. I was absolutely fuming!

What do I do about this? Do I confront them or will this just give them more reason to kick off/complain about us? I'm really struggling to bite my tongue and feel so anxious in my own house: I'm constantly worried about whether or not my tv is loud, whether DS is being loud etc.

WWYD? AIBU?

Christ I'm glad I have normal neighbours. We live in a rented semi, virtually made of cardboard. They live with my two kids running around the house, getting excited playing computer games, and we live with them watching the rugby and getting excited in turn.

I don't complain about his motorbike warming up at 6:30, and they don't complain about our kids in the paddling pool in the garden in summer.

We both occasionally BBQ, and no-one fusses about smoke.

We both take in parcels for the other when needed, and politely deliver/knock for it when we hear the other come home

We take turns trimming the top of the hedge between us, we park up close to each other outside the house, both overlapping our respective drives a little bit so we fit in the space that's only just big enough for 2 cars.

We generally realise that new build semis are a little bit shit, and we all have to rub along.

I don't actually even know their names, we're not friendly any more than to nod, or do the aforementioned neighbourly co-operation.

People live close. Walls are thin. You're going to hear your neighbours.

I had a neighbour who used to sit in his home is silence and any noise he would complain about. It eve got tot the point he complained when my boiler was on. He got the environmental health involved who came round to measure the noise level. I had to put my boiler on, washing machine, tumble dryer, shower and TV so they could measure. They would not find any excess noise but told me to only use these things in daylight hours. I worked from home through the night so that was hard difficult and bloody cold.

Another vote on the side of-

You don't need to watch TV in your bedroom
They do need to sleep in theirs

Turn it down, or move downstairs.

Look, however much you say that your TV "wasn't loud at all", they can obviously still hear it if they've commented on it. I wouldn't want to be able to hear my neighbour's TV if I was in bed either. Get some headphones, watch downstairs, turn it down, move it away from the wall.. whatever, but if they can hear it, they're in the right to complain.

They are however unreasonable for complaining about your baby crying. It's not like he's doing it for fun, and you're just letting him cry. You're doing your best.

So the TV thing isn't unreasonable, but the crying thing definitely is.

Op, do you have hearing issues? It makes no logical sense the tv is in so low you need subtitles but your neighbours are being kept awake by it, unless your bedroom is enormous.

It's so loud it's going through the walls, but you can't hear it. And they definitely are hearing it, I think I'd take someone round with me who you know has good hearing and see what they think of the noise, then experiment with the sound levels so they can't hear it.

As you also can't hear them, which you would with poor building/good hearing, it would indicate that it's not an issue with the building, but potentially more your perception of sound levels.

My neighbours are the same. They have lived in the same house for 40 years and think they rule the street. They are horrible and unreasonable. There's no taking to them, believe me we've tried. It's best just to ignore. It's so hard though you have my sympathies

I would speak to them, tell them you can't stop the baby crying and banging will provoke more than that. Explain it's in both of your interests to be good neighbours but that you have the TV on low (so low you need subtitles) and don't know what else you can do to minimise sound at all ie. you can't afford sound-proofing and it would be unreasonable of them during sociable hours to expect no noise at all seeing as you share a wall.
You say you hear no noise from them at all (apart from the banging). That's very fortunate for you tbh. You're lucky they're not playing Max Bygraves full blast!

sorry *provoke more of that

Go around and ask them if you can listen to the volume when your TV is on?

What were you doing when they banged the 3rd time? If you were all asleep, why didn't you (or hubby) go around and asked why they banged? Maybe there's some noises they're annoyed about that they've assumed are coming from you, but which aren't?

Unfortunately short of OP creeping around her own house, and gagging her baby her neighbours are going to have to live with normal noise household/family noise.

Only on Mumsnet would the OP be told she wrong know matter how much she explains that her family are only making normal noise when going about their life. And yes lots of people have TV's in their bedrooms it's totally normal to watch a bit of Tv in bed.

They live in a terrace OP neighbours have the option to move to a detached property if they do not want to have noise from neighbours. OP should not have to worry about making any noise in her own house.

I agree that they need to expect normal noise, but TV noise at 11:30pm through their bedroom wall is not normal noise (OP's third example). If she can use subtitles, she can go the whole way and put it on mute.

If it is that stressful for you OP surely you can solve it by buying some wireless headphones when you watch tv in the bedroom.

I would do this and then politely inform them that I had done so to attempt to mitigate the issue, however, a baby will cry and you are not happy to have them banging on the wall of your property in lieu of a polite chat about it. Not least because it wakes the baby. Manners work both ways so I'd absolutely tell them I can hear them making comments which I find excessive.

Our neighbour puts the tv on at 5am daily and it's a bit soul destroying. Best thing you can do is diffuse it where possible and assert yourself when it's necessary.

I think a tv on a party wall is selfish. We deliberately don't have one in the bedroom because it might disturb the neighbours.

Do you believe they can't hear the tv and are just making this up?

You are the CF here.

Clutter, your response really stinks I'm afraid. We can't all go round doing just what we want, we should consider our impact on other people.

I actually think that if you live in a terrace house (which I do) you need to put up with a certain amount of everyday living noise on both sides. The noises that the OP describes are everyday noises. We are not talking house parties or loud music or anything similar. We are talking about a crying baby and a television (on low volume). Some people are so unreasonable - i.e. the neighbours.

What planet are posters on or is this just an excuse for a pile on
Don't watch TV after 9pm🤣🤣
OP watch when you want even, shock horror, in your bedroom if you like. Just don't have it blaring out
Years ago I lived next to a neighbour who listened at the wall for any noise to complain about. The harder I tried not to upset her the more entitled she became. She didn't want me to have my bedroom window open just in case the wind blew and she heard it rattle
Once I stopped caring and realised she would always find something I was liberated. Complain about the banging though. Record it and keep a record

Next time they bang go and ask them why they’re banging op. If they say your tv is too loud, ask if you can pop in and listen from their house.

I think some houses, especially modern ones, have appalling sound insulation. I've had clients in houses where the sound travelled so well that a conversation at normal volume next door sounded like you were all in the same room, and one where you knew when the neighbour was having a shit because you could hear the splash as it hit the water in the bog. I daresay a loud fart could be heard a couple of houses away.

And I once lived in a 1960s purpose-built flat where I could tell when upstairs were having their dinner by the sound of cutlery hitting the plates.

If your tv is on a party wall, OP, it would be the neighbourly thing to do to move it so it's on an outside wall, and maybe stick a cushion behind it or something.

They're bang out of order complaining about a child crying though. And if it was because he was ill, it doesn't sound like a regular occurrence.

I'm glad I live in a 1930s house. We rarely hear next door, only when Mr NDN is shouting at the racing on tv or their dog is playing with a squeaky toy.

Only on Mumsnet ...

You know that Mumsnet is just made up of ordinary people, right?

(And trolls on occasion but that's not an accusation!)

A new neighbour of ours once complained constantly about the noise from our television.

Eventually I lost patience and invited her to come round, and showed her round the house.

We didn't have a television....

(I also used to enjoy forcing the tv licensing people to go and get a warrant to search they can't come in without one unless you invite them and watching their faces as they went from room to room with never a sign of a telly. "You didn't tell us you didn't have a television!" "You didn't ask." They never do: they just tell you that their records show you don't have a licence and you must get one.)

@AskingQuestionsAllTheTime you wasted police time by making TV licence get a warrant? Why didn’t you just tell them you didn’t have a TV?

Our neighbours bedroom backs on to ours and we both said our respective bedroom TVs are on the opposite wall not the party wall

In fact now we have our baby in the room ours isn’t there anymore but that’s what we started off with

One, they didn't ask on the doorstep, just uttered threats, Dick, and two, I was not the one wasting police time with a frivolous request, they were. All I did was tell them when they demanded entry that they couldn't come in without a warrant -- and that I withdrew any implied consent for them to be on my property at all and if they wanted to talk to me they could do it from the road. The garden path was only about thirty feet long, and they could have raised their voices instead of going off in a huff.

I had in fact told the television licensing authority repeatedly that we had no television on the premises, once a year or so for several years until they started expecting me to tell them at my own expense instead of enclosing a prepaid envelope for me to put their form into, and I really can't be held responsible for their being unable to consult their own records.

I may at a later point, after they came back with a local policeman (whom I knew well) in tow, have mentioned harassment....

If your neighbour can hear the TV then it must be too loud. It isn't normal to be able to hear a TV through a wall.

Others have given you plenty of suggestions to help alleviate the issue.