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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF neighbours

183 replies

lcyb · 05/01/2020 22:41

My neighbours are really starting to piss me off. They're an elderly couple and initially were lovely when we first moved in.

The past week or so though they have been awful. A few incidents have occurred now.

1st - was watching TV in my bedroom. My TV is on a chest of drawers in front of the wall. Neighbour bangs on wall and says "every bloody night that telly". Telly wasn't even on loud at all and I had subtitles on as it was so quiet. I was like Confused but then let it go.

2nd - DS not well. Was crying for a couple of hours but wouldn't settle no matter what I did. Could hear my neighbour shouting about how he wouldn't shut up and they were getting really irate. Don't know what I was supposed to do in that situation?

3rd - was last night. Banging really loudly on the wall at half 11, so much so that it woke my baby up. I was absolutely fuming!

What do I do about this? Do I confront them or will this just give them more reason to kick off/complain about us? I'm really struggling to bite my tongue and feel so anxious in my own house: I'm constantly worried about whether or not my tv is loud, whether DS is being loud etc.

WWYD? AIBU?

OP posts:
Aridane · 06/01/2020 03:24

Oh, and the reference to them having lived there for 30+ years is probably you’re the first problem neighbour

Aridane · 06/01/2020 03:27

This is why old people get a bad rep, they are so intolerant, I'd confront, if they don't like everyday noise they should move to the back of beyond!

Why is rampant ageism permitted on Mumsnet? Replace ‘old people’ with ‘Asian’ or ‘Jew’ and you would (quite rightly) be a couple of strikes away from being banned

PawPawNoodle · 06/01/2020 05:05

You may be sitting a few metres away (likely the entire length of your room assuming you're sat in bed watching it) so yes the volume will of course seem lower to you, however if their headboard is on the party wall then it's likely less than a metre away from their heads while they're trying to sleep. The sound will probably be amplified and distorted too which is extra annoying if you're not watching it. Either move your TV, buy a speaker/sound bar and have it close to you, or keep it off at night.

Notajogger · 06/01/2020 05:06

I hate threads where the OP insists they are being reasonable when pretty much everyone is telling them they aren't. Why waste our time??

They ABU about the crying, YABU entirely about the tv. Just watch tv in the lounge like most people!!

SallyLovesCheese · 06/01/2020 06:44

YABU. Just sort the TV somehow. If they can hear it, something needs to change. Yes, it might be quiet for you but it's clearly not for them. His comment about every night means you're disturbing them every night. That's not on. We lived next door to someone who played bass-y music a lot. Fine and fun for them, I'm sure, but all we got was the bass through our kitchen wall. It was awful and they were very unreasonable about moving the speakers or turning the bass down or doing anything. We had a year of it, eventually I think they moved because it just stopped one day. It was absolute bliss.

Just watch TV in bed on a tablet or something like most people. I haven't had a TV in my bedroom since I was at uni.

Egg · 06/01/2020 06:53

They must be able to hear your tv else how would they know you have one in the bedroom (unless you have given them a tour of your house)? I can hear my neighbours’ tv when they are watching it when I’m trying to get to sleep or when they wake up at 5:30am. I can tell they have it on quietly but the sound still travels enough to wake me up. The difference is that I don’t complain as I know we are way noisier than them in general and there must be a long list of noises they hear from us.

Bluntness100 · 06/01/2020 07:00

Clearly they can hear the tv so it's not that low op.

Why don't you watch it in th living room? Or if your using subtitles why is the volume still on to a level they are disturbed.

Most people don't have a tv in their bedrooms, and certainly not up against a party wall. You know your elderly neighbours are being disturbed by it, why are you insistent they are unreasonable. Just watch it in thr living room or mute it. No biggie.

With the baby of course they are being unreasonable but what tends to happen in these situations is the issue escalates, so any noise becomes intolerant. Stop the tv issue. And they will likely not complain about the baby any more.

SoupDragon · 06/01/2020 08:31

Some elderly people feel very entitled.

Some people feel very entitled. Fixed that for you.

SoupDragon · 06/01/2020 08:33

It's nasty when they know there's a baby involved.

It's nasty not to recognise that your TV is disturbing them and that it clearly isn't as quiet as you think. It's an easy fix that you can't be arsed to make.

Copperleaves · 06/01/2020 09:31

@ParkheadParadise thanks for replying. I can see why you became fed up with it - at least those calls would be logged somewhere if she did make a case against him in the end.

Soul31 · 06/01/2020 09:43

OP I can appreciate both points of view. Neither of you are in the wrong, it’s the poorly sound proofed semis unfortunately.

I have recently moved into a detached as the everyday noise such as TVs/ radios through the party walls drove me mad. I used to think my neighbours had their tv on really loud but looking back I don’t actually think it was that loud. I complained a few times that I could hear it but then I felt like I had to always make sure I had my tv on really low so like you had to use subtitles.

I found it irritating having to tiptoe about but also hearing their everyday noise was equally irritating so I moved to a detached. I even had a quote for soundproofing but it was astronomically expensive to get it all done properly.

katy1213 · 06/01/2020 09:49

I'd hate it if my neighbours had TV in the bedroom. Thankfully, they don't - and I wouldn't inflict it on them either.

Original poster
lcyb · 06/01/2020 10:32

Have TV on downstairs and more banging Confused I don't understand!

OP posts:
Mlou32 · 06/01/2020 10:33

The only way to resolve it is to talk to them. Could it be that they are getting frustrated with noise that you are underestimating the volume of? In my old flat, I could hear my upstairs neighbour tall on the phone, pee...everything. Not his fault but when he put his tv on a little bit loud, it was extremely disturbing to me. Talk to them.

adviceneededon · 06/01/2020 10:42

I'd go around and speak to them. Probably way off course but are you sure they're ok? My elderly neighbour once would knock on a morning and evening even though sometimes I'd only just walked through the door. Presumed (like you) that they were complaining about the noise, as she would knock and then stop, it wasn't persistent. On day 3 I went around to see her. No answer at the door but the banging intensified. I called the police and it turned out she had fallen. I felt so guilty that I hadn't gone around their sooner.

TheFoxAndTheMole · 06/01/2020 10:45

If its so quiet to you that you need sub titles, just put it on mute with subtitles and have done, or wear headphones.

And once more for the hard of hearing at the back; it might be quiet to you but it is obviously disturbing them.

Sound from TVs does travel in weird directions and through walls.

Dustarr73 · 06/01/2020 10:55

@katy1213 I'd hate it if my neighbours had TV in the bedroom. Thankfully, they don't

How do you know that

Fraggot · 06/01/2020 11:13

Loud tv and baby crying sounds like my idea of a nightmare neighbour. YABU.

Instead of all of this ‘Confused more banging Confused’ have a conversation with them.

TheSoapyFrog · 06/01/2020 11:17

If you have your tv on upstairs and they can hear it, I assume they're trying to sleep. If they're in bed and you have your tv on downstairs, I doubt they will hear it and there won't be any banging.
I agree with the majority here. They're being unreasonable about the baby crying and you're being unreasonable about the tv.
And no, most people don't have a tv in their bedrooms.

GabriellaMontez · 06/01/2020 11:21

Pleasant voice "I heard some banging last night was that you? "

Go from there. Tell.them you've moved the tv downstairs/got headphones. Should appease them. You're probably right your walls are paper thin. So be considerate if you expect them to be.

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 06/01/2020 11:30

YANBU - if they can hear your telly in their bedroom when they're trying to sleep you need to do something so that they can't.

Penners99 · 06/01/2020 11:33

I have just got new neighbours. Yesterday the guy knocked on my door and said that the TV in my bedroom was too loud and I need to turn it off by 6pm. I have issues with this as, 1. I don't have a TV in any bedroom, and 2. I live in a DETATCHED house and his place is 25 yards from mine! He was very unimpressed when informed of this.

I see troubles ahead....

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 06/01/2020 11:36

Penners99 Grin

proseccosparkles · 06/01/2020 11:37

Oh no poor you I lived below similar neighbours getting irate over the smallest things first the "tv's too loud" once I had apologised for that kept it very, very low it then progressed to "your children need to speak more quietly, bedtime stories need to stop we can hear every word, you can't use your washing machine after 6pm" etc etc.

Sadly people like this like to moan and create drama they are bullying you it's not nice. However quiet you are I suspect it will never be enough.

It's no way to live constantly walking on eggshells. I moved out of there as quickly as I could not worth the stress x

YANBU at all btw

LittleFoote · 06/01/2020 11:41

Is it possible they are unwell and you are an easy vent?

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