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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset about being made to get up this morning by oh?

290 replies

RuggyPeg · 05/01/2020 20:35

I've lost all perspective about whether I'm being unreasonable or not. About many things in my relationship but this incident just happened.

We stayed overnight in a hotel. We both had a terrible night's sleep and got about 3 hours. Woke up early in the morning. He wanted to bounce out of bed and get going. I wanted another couple of hours of sleep. I wanted him to rest too. We had a 4 hour car drive ahead of us and didn't want him to be tired for it. He's a madman behind the wheel at the best of times and I spend most journeys terrified (huge argument if I dare say anything), so I didn't want him exhausted for it. He went mad, saying he wanted to get up and get going, I could sleep in the car (I can't, ever) and he was a nice guy & why did I always have to make him feel bad. He went on & on and made it unbearable, so as per usual, to keep the peace, I did what he wanted. I'm at a loss in general but do you think it was something I did that caused this argument?

We

OP posts:
Silvercatowner · 05/01/2020 21:23

I walk on eggshells

Honestly OP, that is no way to live your life. I suspect you've lost all memory of how great it is to walk on solid ground.

Oopsypoopsy2020 · 05/01/2020 21:24

Not a catch - find someone to have fun with!

windycuntryside · 05/01/2020 21:24

Bin him. He will suck the joy and life out of you.

Mummy0ftwo12 · 05/01/2020 21:25

'Anyone who tells you they are a nice guy while being a dick probably isn't.'

so true

windycuntryside · 05/01/2020 21:25

I wish I could vote again to say say bin him. Sooner the better. He is not the person you feel in love with, you are now sadly in love with the past.

Inherdefence · 05/01/2020 21:25

You say he is kind and then describe a lot of very unkind behaviour. Is he ‘kind’ in the same way he’s a ‘nice guy’.

He sounds like a bully who is aware you can see through his public facade and is trying to bully you back into submission.

FredaFrogspawn · 05/01/2020 21:25

You aren’t even allowed to say his dangerous driving is scaring you. That’s dreadful! Can you see how dreadful that is?

NotSorry · 05/01/2020 21:28

OP I’m a very nervous passenger - the difference is my DH respects this and slows down when I let him know I feel he’s driving too fast. I think the driving part is not really the issue, it’s just the straw breaking the camel’s back.

Rosehipbubbles · 05/01/2020 21:29

What kind of early start are we talking about - if it was 10 am and you still wanted to sleep I would say that it is reasonable to want get up, 8 am borderline, 6am he is bonkers!

AutumnRose1 · 05/01/2020 21:30

Get rid

Be single

Be happy

I’m amazed you took him back

Was there a social judgement element to that?

Spied · 05/01/2020 21:32

You really should have told him to get going...on his own

Yas01 · 05/01/2020 21:33

I don't normally message on here, but on this occasion I really think you should end the relationship for good. You have nothing to keep you with this narcissistic man, thank goodness there are no children. Leave while you can and start a newer, happier life where you can be free.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 05/01/2020 21:33

I think you should leave this guy, OP. It isn't going to get any better, and it doesn't matter how much of a catch other people view him as - they don't know him like you know him,

I have a horrible feeling that the reason you didn't get much sleep is because he manufactured a huge argument, dragged up something from the past, or had a crisis about something that you then had to reassure him over. Anything that would allow him to stop you from sleeping and wear you down.

This guy is bad news. I know it's hard to walk away from someone you used to love, but he is going to grind you down. The longer you stay with him, the harder it will be. Best of luck, OP.

gobbynorthernbird · 05/01/2020 21:34

Fucksake, love. You can have a nicer time than this, and a better life. Get rid.

overnightangel · 05/01/2020 21:35

“He's a madman behind the wheel ”

Instant walk away
Non negotiable . Couldn’t t go out with a potential killer

ChristmasConcert · 05/01/2020 21:36

I went out with someone like this, but 'only' for four years! I stuck it out for far too long because it seemed so good at first, but although he seemed a catch, he had me walking on eggshells soon into the relationship. It's no way to live!

I can't believe I was that stupid for that long - but you do keep hoping it can improve, don't you. But it won't, please leave him and never look back! (20 years on I'm married with 2 DC, it all seems a bad dream....)

overnightangel · 05/01/2020 21:36

Get the fuck out of Dodge

BigChocFrenzy · 05/01/2020 21:36

"I walk on eggshells"

""he's an alcoholic"

"he had an affair"

He makes you miserable

LEAVE
For all those reasons

Especially as you've no kids

StrangeLookingParasite · 05/01/2020 21:37

If I continue to stand up for myself, he just gets more & more irate and says it's over.

Call his bluff. Take him at his word, and say seeya.

Also, he is not kind. None of this is the behaviour of a kind person.

diddl · 05/01/2020 21:40

Does he only adore you when you're doing as you're told & it's all going his way?

How can you love someone who treats you like shit?

ArabellaDoreenFig · 05/01/2020 21:40

OP I think you are probably chasing the relationship that you 2 had in the early days, when it was amazing, and before he started acting like a dick. The reason he acts like a dick by the way is because he is a dick.

I know it’s hard to walk away because of what you once had but you need to accept that time has gone, allow yourself to grieve for the relationship you once and let yourself move on.

You are worth more than this OP. Good luck.

WineAndTiramisu · 05/01/2020 21:41

He sounds like a complete twat. Leave him and find someone that is actually nice rather than just saying they are whilst acting like a wankbadger

pumpkinpie01 · 05/01/2020 21:42

Walking on eggshells is no way to live , you can't be yourself constantly trying to second guess how someone will react and most likely blow up over something very trivial. He is not going to change and you deserve better, please end it , being single is preferential to life with a control freak.

Original poster
RuggyPeg · 05/01/2020 21:47

After I found out about his affair, I cut him off stone dead. I had absolutely nothing at all to do with him. Never replied to any messages, never say him, nothing. After 2 years, I just kind of softened. Time blurred the edges. We are going on holiday tomorrow. He's just been packing and planning the route (UK holiday, yes he's driving). He's not a madman in the car in terms of screaming up other drivers arses etc but he drives, for instance, at 90 mph and gawps out of the window whilst doing so. He calls me a bad passenger. I'm not. His dad says he's a bad driver too. It's not just my opinion.

OP posts:
FlamingoAndJohn · 05/01/2020 21:49

My love, when you started this thread you weren’t really asking about the sleeping were you?
You know you have to leave him.

If I continue to stand up for myself, he just gets more & more irate and says it's over.
Then it’s over.

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