To be upset about being made to get up this morning by oh?

[RuggyPeg]

I've lost all perspective about whether I'm being unreasonable or not. About many things in my relationship but this incident just happened.

We stayed overnight in a hotel. We both had a terrible night's sleep and got about 3 hours. Woke up early in the morning. He wanted to bounce out of bed and get going. I wanted another couple of hours of sleep. I wanted him to rest too. We had a 4 hour car drive ahead of us and didn't want him to be tired for it. He's a madman behind the wheel at the best of times and I spend most journeys terrified (huge argument if I dare say anything), so I didn't want him exhausted for it. He went mad, saying he wanted to get up and get going, I could sleep in the car (I can't, ever) and he was a nice guy & why did I always have to make him feel bad. He went on & on and made it unbearable, so as per usual, to keep the peace, I did what he wanted. I'm at a loss in general but do you think it was something I did that caused this argument?

We

OP he sounds awful. Listen to your gut about his driving. Do you want him to kill you both and maybe your kids one day with his arrogant, crazy driving? There’s a reason you can’t sleep in the car.

So sorry OP. Glad that you're home safely. Now you've got time to reflect and heal. I hope you've got friends to talk to - and keep talking on here if it helps. You are not alone in what you've been through.

OP.. it sounds like he's draining the life out of you.. I'm glad you're home.. keep talking this through .. plenty of us are here at some point..

I think often it's not that friends don't believe you, but they don't realise HOW bad it is, because for a very very long time you have been pretending that everything is ok. So when you come out with some details, and often their subtle examples (that you yourself have doubted!) the friend often just tries to tease out if this is just an argument, or is it bigger. Nobody wants to be the friend who jumps straight in with "Yes, he's an arsehole. I've never liked him and never thought he was good enough for you" only to have you make up the next day and avoid her because of what she said.

Your friends are on your side. But it might take a bit of convincing that this is it. You have only recently gotten back with him after a 2 year break up. I hope you're OK.

So glad you are home!!!!

You know you need to end it even if your friends don't understand

Clearly those 2 years away you grew an awful lot and now can see him without rose tinted glasses.

He's cheated before..sorry but he's a dick and you shouldn't waste another second with him...plus he sounds like a massive twat before you said he is a cheating scumbag.

you are not oversensitive. You are not over-reacting. You are not imagining it. This man is abusing you, and you are doing extremely well in having realised it and acknowledged that leaving is an option.

In my opinion, you need to leave, cut ties, block numbers and everything. You have your own place and you're financially stable so you're in a good position to do this.

You don't deserve to be treated like this, you deserve to be happy

I believe you.
What is stopping you from blocking his number now you are home living independently?
I would suggest counselling may help you.

I’m so glad you’re home

Have you considered the freedom programme? The only reason I ask is because you say you’re struggling to articulate the abuse and I wondered if it might help?

I've found a counsellor who I'm going to go and see. I can articulate the abuse but it all starts to sound a bit petty and like normal day to day tiffs when I say it out loud. I know it's not and I know I don't need it to sound or look like anything to anyone in order for me to just end it but I feel like my thoughts are all scrambled and I need to get them straightened out.

05/01/2020 21:12Ontheboardwalk

Dangerous driving is not acceptable, can you talk to him outside the car about this?

Does he do all the driving? Is there a chance he wanted to get the 4 hour drive over and done with when it was quiet?

Had he been drinking the night before?

Yes, I can talk to him about it. He just dismisses it and says he's fine and a good driver and I'm a control freak. When he's doing 90mph though and gawping out of the window though, looking at whatever, it's pretty hard not to be terrified.

Yes, he wants to do all the driving, unless it's after a night out and we haven't got a taxi.

He drinks every night.

@ruggypeg,
Glad you’ve found a counsellor; you know that this relationship is not good for you and this man is not kind to you. You actually don’t need anyone else to tell you this as your instincts are right! But hopefully the counsellor will help you realise you are on the right track and need to get out of the relationship completely.

But the thing is, Ruggy - it doesn't matter what it sounds like to other people. You are allowed to walk away from a man even if you just don't like the way he rustles his morning paper! You can even walk away without a single reason other than that 'I want to leave'.

Nobody else matters in this, not him, not your friends, not your family. You don't have to give anyone else any reasons or excuses. 'It's not working for me' is enough.

Yours is the only opinion that matters. Even if he treated you like a queen, was resonableness itself and all round Mr Wonderful - you are still allowed to leave, if you want to.

Glad you're seeing a counsellor, OP.

Yes, you don't need his or anyone else's permission to leave. If you are not happy and comfortable, then it's wrong. If you are frightened and nervous, that is seriously wrong.