To be upset about being made to get up this morning by oh?

[RuggyPeg]

I've lost all perspective about whether I'm being unreasonable or not. About many things in my relationship but this incident just happened.

We stayed overnight in a hotel. We both had a terrible night's sleep and got about 3 hours. Woke up early in the morning. He wanted to bounce out of bed and get going. I wanted another couple of hours of sleep. I wanted him to rest too. We had a 4 hour car drive ahead of us and didn't want him to be tired for it. He's a madman behind the wheel at the best of times and I spend most journeys terrified (huge argument if I dare say anything), so I didn't want him exhausted for it. He went mad, saying he wanted to get up and get going, I could sleep in the car (I can't, ever) and he was a nice guy & why did I always have to make him feel bad. He went on & on and made it unbearable, so as per usual, to keep the peace, I did what he wanted. I'm at a loss in general but do you think it was something I did that caused this argument?

We

He sounds like a controlling douchebag OP - in my experience, nice guys don’t feel the need to say they’re nice guys. It sounds like you’ve got a bully on your hands from your updated comments. If this had been a one off occurrence I’d probably have said you were being a bit unreasonable if he was driving and you had a long journey, on a bad nights sleep he might have just wanted to get home and rest there, but as you’ve said he gets like this often when he wants to get his own way it sounds like this isn’t a one off. Are you happy in the relationship OP?

Well, if you only reconnected 6 months ago post his affair I would disconnect asap and find someone who does not treat you like this.

He's had the affair and clearly thinks he can treat you like this as you took him back.

You need to start as you mean to go on and tell him this behaviour is unacceptable.

Just seen the further update, I agree with PP’s I think it’s time to call it quits for good on this one @RuggyPeg you deserve better.

I have tried standing up for myself. I always saw myself as smart, independent, no fool, strong and yet suddenly, here I am, feeling lost, depressed, anxious, I keep staring into space, doubting myself. He just railroads me, says it's me, drags all kinds up. The whole thing is a total mess and I don't know wtf to do. He's also an alcoholic, although you'd never know it. He's incredibly successful and wealthy and I'm increasingly seeing him as the stereotypical entitled white male.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

OP, do you really want the rest of your life to be like this?

It's not the getting up or not that is a concern, it's that he gets his own way by going on at you and you give in 'to keep the peace'. What would happen if you didn't give in? Life with someone who cannot compromise is exhausting and not fun.

Go on the Freedom Programme course. It will help you sort your head out.

This is about power and control for him. There is nothing you could say or do that would be right.

This is no way to live. It's not normal.

If you have to say you're a nice guy, then 99.9% chance you aren't. Real nice guys don't have to say anything.

OP, this chap is a prick, and I'd dump him if I were you. You are now seeing the reality of who he is, not the person you saw when you wore rose tinted specs.

Alcoholic. Cheat. Bully.

Hmm

Posted too soon. I'd say he's not such a catch.

Honey, you do know what to do, you're just scared of doing it because you've been so worn down by him and depressed by giving him another chance which you may be reluctant to view as a failure. Don't waste the rest of your life. It was the thought of spending retirement with my partner that gave me the courage to end it!

If I continue to stand up for myself, he just gets more & more irate and says it's over.

A bad driver and a cheat
Do you really need any more reasons ?

So let him - you’d be doing yourself a favour

So he's an alcoholic bully who drives like a fucking bellend? MY GOD WHAT A CATCH. Dump.

He'd definitely be viewed as a catch. He's successful, handsome, rich, witty, charming blar blar blar. Scratch the surface though and someone very different starts to emerge.

I think you should accept it is over for your own well being.

Once you have him out of your life you will not look back.

Your self esteem has taken a battering - go and see your GP and get a referral for talking therapies - it does help. Also, AA and Women's Aid are great places for support.

This guy is not the love of your life in any way, shape or form.

Christ I felt anxious just reading your post OP... please leave this vile cretin.

You know this isn’t right. You didn’t cause any of this and can’t change it I’m afraid.

What would your practical next steps be? Do you have money to get away?

Run far, far away and don't give him a 3rd chance.

I really hope you manage to get out (again) of this horrible relationship and realise you’re worth so much more

When you stand up for yourself and he gets irate and says it's over just say "fine, I agree" and walk away.

And you are with him why ?

There are no kids right?
If there are none then for Christ’s sake just get the hell out of Dodge. And you don’t have to see him again