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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about being made to get up this morning by oh?

290 replies

RuggyPeg · 05/01/2020 20:35

I've lost all perspective about whether I'm being unreasonable or not. About many things in my relationship but this incident just happened.

We stayed overnight in a hotel. We both had a terrible night's sleep and got about 3 hours. Woke up early in the morning. He wanted to bounce out of bed and get going. I wanted another couple of hours of sleep. I wanted him to rest too. We had a 4 hour car drive ahead of us and didn't want him to be tired for it. He's a madman behind the wheel at the best of times and I spend most journeys terrified (huge argument if I dare say anything), so I didn't want him exhausted for it. He went mad, saying he wanted to get up and get going, I could sleep in the car (I can't, ever) and he was a nice guy & why did I always have to make him feel bad. He went on & on and made it unbearable, so as per usual, to keep the peace, I did what he wanted. I'm at a loss in general but do you think it was something I did that caused this argument?

We

OP posts:
Brefugee · 05/01/2020 21:07

You know what to do, don't you.
Good luck.

Hellbentwellwent · 05/01/2020 21:07

Let it be over then, he’s making you miserable! You deserve to be allowed to be content!

NaughtyLittleElf · 05/01/2020 21:08

What was life like when you were apart?

MoaningMinniee · 05/01/2020 21:08

Hey... you DO know what to do, but it's not going to be fun doing it. He's an arse, you know this, but he's also still sexy and charming ... For brief periods when it suits him. Nevertheless he's going to continue to be a manipulative alcoholic arse. Grieving for the 'might have been' relationship is not going to be an enjoyable experience, but at least it has an end in sight. Then you can move on to being single and happier. Or in a relationship with someone who isn't an arse and happier. Happy new year!

GinNsnowmen · 05/01/2020 21:09

Get rid

Waveysnail · 05/01/2020 21:09

And you want back why?

FudgeBrownie2019 · 05/01/2020 21:09

He's really not a catch in anyone's eyes; he's just a master of the bullshit.

Please listen to the other posters and save yourself further heartbreak here.

TinDogTavern · 05/01/2020 21:10

What @thekrakening3 said. Men who drive aggressively, knowing it frightens their passengers but doing it anyway, are invariably arseholes. And dangerous arseholes at that.

Original poster
RuggyPeg · 05/01/2020 21:10

No children and I'm financially kind ok in my own right, so there's nothing to untangle. I'm sobbing here reading all this. I didn't think it'd be quite so unanimous. It's worse than I'm even saying on here too.

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 05/01/2020 21:11

So you are with him because other people think he is a catch?

You know better though don’t you?

userxx · 05/01/2020 21:12

I think you know this relationship isn't for you anymore. The way you view him has changed and I don't think you can go back.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/01/2020 21:12

OP you were right to leave him before and you can do it again.

You can’t stay with someone for the superficial reasons. He is poisonous: a shadow over your life and happiness.

End it and be free.

Ontheboardwalk · 05/01/2020 21:12

Dangerous driving is not acceptable, can you talk to him outside the car about this?

Does he do all the driving? Is there a chance he wanted to get the 4 hour drive over and done with when it was quiet?

Had he been drinking the night before?

Original poster
RuggyPeg · 05/01/2020 21:14

No, I'm not with him for that reason. I've loved him for 15 years and him me, adored each other, had an amazing life together....it's not so easy to just walk away.

OP posts:
Original poster
RuggyPeg · 05/01/2020 21:15

He drinks every night.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 05/01/2020 21:15

Tell us the worst. You've already admitted he's an alcoholic knobhead.

I'm so glad you're financially sorted.

LagunaBubbles · 05/01/2020 21:16

Look it's obvious you need to leave him. It's scary why you aren't and going on about how much of a catch he is.

ohfourfoxache · 05/01/2020 21:17

He doesn’t love you. He loves himself.

If he loved you he wouldn’t treat you like shit.

Ontheboardwalk · 05/01/2020 21:17

Ah sorry RuggyPeg that puts a whole different slant to your post

NurseButtercup · 05/01/2020 21:18

When you stand up for yourself and he gets irate and says it's over just say "fine, I agree" and walk away.

This ^

It doesn't matter how much money he has or how handsome he is. If he's a cheat, bully and a alcoholic no women will want him.

He's definitely not what I'd consider a catch.

Nanna50 · 05/01/2020 21:18

Disconnect from him now. I expect he needs you more than you need him.

You’ve given it 6 months, it’s not working, the money mood period has worn off. He’s not trying Very hard to win you back.

Abusive men are often charming To others and seen as a catch by outsiders, let them catch him.

Don’t wait for him to threaten to end it, take control and do it now.

Good luck.

Fleetheart · 05/01/2020 21:19

He sounds terrible. 1) he should have let you sleep 2) he shouldn’t scare you with his driving. 3) you shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells. I think you need to say good bye, he is not kind to you Flowers

Fleetheart · 05/01/2020 21:21

PS 4). He had an affair!!!! No forgiveness necessary when he is this much of an arse; he should be grateful to you for having him back- doesn’t seem like it!

OverByYer · 05/01/2020 21:21

Why did you both have so little sleep?

PositiveVibez · 05/01/2020 21:22

People who give themselves the personality trait of being 'nice', never, ever are imho.

People can say someone else is a nice person, but you can't say it about yourself.

Only people who are fake nice, say this about themselves.

He sounds like a right twat.