Hello OP. I had to write when I read this. Before I got married (to someone else) I was in a long term relationship with someone who sounds exactly like your partner and who made me feel exactly as you do. At the time I felt I had invested so much time, and so much of me, that it made me feel sick to end it. I went back loads. He cheated too. And drank, and smoked and drove like am arsehole. The lot.
I got out thank god but had to block his number and cut all ties to do so. He would have dragged me back in. You know what you need to do. Anyone who makes you feel insecure, who tells you they are going to leave you if you disagree, who is so disrespectful that they drive in a way that makes you feel unsafe (and then says you’re going mad) and who makes you feel more shit than good , isn’t right for you. I too had a Monetn of clarity in a hotel where partner was up and ready and wanted it go down to breakfast. My hair was wet, I had no make up on, and yet he was standing there saying ‘come on, come on’. It made me anxious and I realised then that I lived in a permanent state of anxiety. I was constantly rushed or compromised or ignored or cheated on. He didn’t treasure me, or even respect me i don’t think.
Please know you can come home early. That wouldn’t be a bad thing and you could get a cab out to wherever you are.
If not, use this week to solidify all you know about how wrong he is. He is damaged, as evidenced by the drink, smoking, aggressive driving and The need to be controlling and unpleasant, not to mention the cheating. That is all about him, not you. You can’t help him, you can’t save him. You must get out and free yourself od this burden.
My husband is by no means perfect but there are still times, 20 years on from that other guy, when I breathe a sigh of relief when I got out. It meant I met someone who was genuinely kind.i don’t live in constant anxiety. If I’m not ready, he waits. If we argue, he doesn’t threaten to leave me. I feel safe. And only when you meet someone agai who makes yo feel safe will you realise just how unsafe you feel now.
Masses of luck. I am crossing my fingers for you. You can do this. You are better than this. You deserve more than this. Be strong.