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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about being made to get up this morning by oh?

290 replies

RuggyPeg · 05/01/2020 20:35

I've lost all perspective about whether I'm being unreasonable or not. About many things in my relationship but this incident just happened.

We stayed overnight in a hotel. We both had a terrible night's sleep and got about 3 hours. Woke up early in the morning. He wanted to bounce out of bed and get going. I wanted another couple of hours of sleep. I wanted him to rest too. We had a 4 hour car drive ahead of us and didn't want him to be tired for it. He's a madman behind the wheel at the best of times and I spend most journeys terrified (huge argument if I dare say anything), so I didn't want him exhausted for it. He went mad, saying he wanted to get up and get going, I could sleep in the car (I can't, ever) and he was a nice guy & why did I always have to make him feel bad. He went on & on and made it unbearable, so as per usual, to keep the peace, I did what he wanted. I'm at a loss in general but do you think it was something I did that caused this argument?

We

OP posts:
littlealexhorne · 05/01/2020 23:36

I never normally comment on these threads but you deserve so much better than this OP. Please get yourself out before it escalates any further.

olivertwistwantsmore · 05/01/2020 23:37

He's smart, funny, kind, tall dark n handsome, he's what many people would see as a catch.

Nah. He’s abusive, controlling, scary, argumentative, angry - not a catch at all. The opposite. I’d get away if I were you.

Hotwaterbottle01 · 05/01/2020 23:40

Just incase you need any further unanimous advise..... LEAVE HIM!!

Why are you putting up with this and having to agree to his way for a quite life!!

raspberryk · 05/01/2020 23:42

Christ on a bike get away from this man.

Smelborp · 05/01/2020 23:43

It sounds like the original relationship ended and you’ve not recovered it. There’s no intimacy and you see him more clearly now.

From your description, he sounds like a bully, a cheat and an alcoholic. Yes he may have good points, but so what? You walk on eggshells around him.

You can do better than this.

Duck90 · 05/01/2020 23:52

“He’s a catch”

But in reality he isn’t. Are you worried you can’t do any better, and that other women are waiting to snag him?

We have all known charmers “catches” but have witnessed their private side to their personality. What their mates see in the pub is not the reality of these people.

Original poster
RuggyPeg · 06/01/2020 00:29

There was some affection in the first few weeks but it tailed off quickly. I described him as a catch somewhat ironically. He certainly seems it on the surface but the reality is now revealing itself to be anything other than. Perhaps I was blind but I never saw it for the first 15 years.

OP posts:
midnightmisssuki · 06/01/2020 00:52

He sounds like a bellend. Dump him! (Again)

churchgate · 06/01/2020 01:26

Sounds like a narcissist to me. Please don't have children with him

FramingDevice · 06/01/2020 01:32

So he’s an aggressive, threatening, argumentative, dangerous driver with an alcohol problem, and you think he’s a catch? Honestly, OP, you deserve more than this. He’s awful.

StrangeLookingParasite · 06/01/2020 01:38

Walking on eggshells is exhausting. You won't know yourself when you can stop.

agonyauntie2020 · 06/01/2020 02:06

+1 LTB

SpoonBlender · 06/01/2020 03:29

Don't go with him on holiday. Go home. Block him again.

minesagin37 · 06/01/2020 03:36

You've said your OH is a controlling, bullying, alcoholic cheat and you didn't think it would be so unanimous. Mm you need to get your head out of the ground love and take a good look. I think you are massively in denial.

Yeahnah2020 · 06/01/2020 04:30

@RuggyPeg tell him No!! That you are driving. What’s he going to do? Wrestle you for the keys?!!! He sounds like an arse.

TiggerOfThigh · 06/01/2020 04:45

He’s not a catch he’s a cunt.
Nobody should make you feel like he does, leave him now, while you still can!!

Doesn’t even have to be a big thing, if you’re afraid of him, do it over a week, make sure your stuff is back home, his stuff is at his and that you change the locks ASAP. Can even let the local police know, especially if you’re worried he could be violent.

You deserve better.

ec1993 · 06/01/2020 05:19

"A mad man behind the wheels" this says a lot in itself, I would absolutely not get into a car if my Husband put mine or others safety at risk.

He may be charming and witty and successful and handsome but he sounds like an absolute dickhead underneath all that.

You are well within your rights to want some more sleep, who does he think he is?

Do not spend the rest of your life like this, get out now. You deserve better Thanks

Original poster
RuggyPeg · 06/01/2020 05:40

I'm not in any way physically at risk. I don't think I'm in denial either. I think it's taken me a little while to realise what's happening. I've never experienced any kind of abuse and he's never been like this before or maybe he has and I've been blind to it. No chance of children.....that ship has sailed.

OP posts:
thickwoollytights · 06/01/2020 06:00

he's what many people would see as a catch

Until they find out who he really is

Original poster
RuggyPeg · 06/01/2020 06:12

Yep, I think so but I need to stop thinking about what he might do next and with who and find a way of separating myself from him.....emotionally mainly. He's been my absolute love for a long time and we have such dreams & plans together and I have to turn my back on all that too, although that's becoming increasingly easier, given the man he's turned into.

OP posts:
FlamingoAndJohn · 06/01/2020 06:13

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

If he is such a catch why hasn’t he moved on the the time you were split up?

Don’t go on holiday with him. What will he do if you refuse? That will tell you a lot about him and what he thinks of you.

Everydayishistorytomorrow · 06/01/2020 06:21

Why on earth are you with someone like that? Don't you think your worth better treatment than walking on eggshells. He sounds abusive and domineering from what I've read. Personally I could never waste my life with someone who treats me that way. Life's too short, I'd rather be on my own and struggle.

wediblinoz · 06/01/2020 06:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thickwoollytights · 06/01/2020 06:30

but I need to stop thinking about what he might do next

What he'll do next is inflict himself on some poor unsuspecting lady who will be as unhappy as you are

AwdBovril · 06/01/2020 06:30

He sounds kind of similar to my ex. He got angry at the drop of a hat & then accused me of picking a fight, bad driver, especially speeding on purpose to frighten me (I was afraid to get in the car), aggressive & used to get into shouting matches with other drivers, I wouldn't be surprised if he got into a nasty incident sometime. Moody & often wouldn't speak to me for some apparent misdemeanour, I always had to be on my guard just in case. Rich, so it was hard to walk away from, plus he seemed to feel like he could just spend his way out of bad behaviour. He seemed lovely at first, too. He really, really wasn't. Seriously, please leave. I had no idea how unhappy I was until I'd left.