Would you date someone who had a coldsore in the past?

[Onewardsup]

YABU - no
YANBU - yes

Not talking an active one and a date right now, just someone that gets them, maybe just one coldsore (so Herpes), a year, 2 years, 5 years ago!

And yes I have another thread to those who have read it. Just wanting a poll, thanks.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrogate you, I was just interested.

You’re right, by the way-I nodded all the way through your last post. It’s the stigma attached to STDs.

They shouldn’t be different at all, but for most people, they just seem to be.

Demented I’m just wondering why aren’t they an STI? When they are passed via oral sex? Surely that makes them an STI by the nature of definition of the term?

I know you are a balanced poster by the way, just a point of discussion!

OP,

I think you should start a new thread with the question being '' Why would you have no problem dating someone with cold sores yet not someone with genital herpes when they are both ultimately the same thing?" as I think people will give you a better answer.

Ultimately most people are very uneducated about herpes, ironically I would say people who get cold sores are often the one who know the least about it and are the most unaware that ultimately they can spread it to the genitalia of their partner, despite not showing symptoms and that they are as much of a STD risk as someone with genital herpes.

Personally I would date either, I wouldn't have sex during an active coldsore/gential outbreak but other than that. Couldn't care less really.

Sorry you are feeling less datable for it though (you are not).

That’s ok Grandma, tone is really hard on text, and weirdly it’s helping just having the discussion points, oddly soothing to where I was yesterday. Makes me think of I did it in the right way with the right person, there is a discussion to be had? I’m not going to be unloved forever

I've been out with plenty of people who have them, never caught one myself.

Thanks linning you are probably right, I did consider it, but I daren’t as people are already saying I shouldn’t have 2 threads, 3 and I’m going to start getting troll hunted! Which is fair as I read back and see my mental status over the weekend and I sound a bit batshit! Which isn’t the case, but the PTSD makes me spiral infrequently.

Maybe someone can do it for me

I've had them since I was little, my fiancé doesn't get them either and never caught it off me although we've been going out for 8 years but I rarely get them now, maybe 1 every 2 years? It was a lot worse as a child, not sure why ... maybe I just wash my hands more now, no clue! DF never minded, I just asked him and he said he couldn't care less if I got them or not x

You don't sound batshit OP. You sound like someone who has had a tough time and just needs some reassurance. MN might not be the best place for this as some people can be harsh and you won't always get the answer you need to hear.

Life can be tough sometimes but you are not undateable. There is someone out there for you.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head to be honest Onewardsup, it’s societies outdated views and judgments on sex and genitalia. I do think it’s probably changing though through the generations. I hope so anyway! It’s okay to sound batshit once in a while. At least it better be because I do frequently. 😁

There's a lot of indignant responses on here regarding the level of responsibility when it comes to oral hsv1.

The label "sexually transmitted" is applied when herpes simplex of either type is passed on during sex. Oral hsv1 is not an std, but it can be transmitted during oral sex.

Unfortunately the NHS tends to gloss over the fact that around 70% of new genital herpes infections over the last few years have been caused by hsv1, in other words, oral sex. While reoccurences and asymptomatic shedding is usually low with genital hsv1, the psychological impact can be significant, as with genital hsv1.

I had to write to the NHS a few years ago, as they were incorrectly stating that most genital herpes infections are caused by hsv2, when it is well known that hsv1 now causes the majority of genital infections. They did correct this on their website, but have failed to highlight the risk of oral to genital transmission.

I personally think if a decision is made to label something as an std then factual information and comprehensive education is really important.

Genital herpes simplex is the second most stigmatized condition after hiv, education is key to reducing transmission rates and stigma. Disclosure isn't legally required, but it's a decent thing to do, and I speak for both of oral and genital carriers of either type.

For those asking about risk of transmission, outside of an outbreak, for hsv2, studies have shown a 4% risk from female to male. Using barrier protection and/or suppressive dose antivirals it is cut to 2%. hsv1 stats are lower.

OP: Can you please answer my question, which I posted on both your threads, yesterday. You replied to others not me.

In the first thread you say "I take suppressants"
In this thread you say "Don’t even need to take anything, just never get one, totally asymptomatic"

Which is it? Do you take suppressants or not? Why the discrepancy? I am sorry if I have misunderstood, but these are your words from the first thread and your words in the current thread and I want to understand.

It seems to me that people will answer differently about your own situation, particularly in the first thread, if they understand.

I am glad you seem to be feeling better today.

It's not an sti or herpes, cold sores can be passed on by sharing the same drink! I got one at 16 this way. It's like not wanting to date someone cos they get spots 🤷🏼‍♀️

I had a great big crusty number on the night I met my husband and he obviously didn't care!

agony I answered on the other thread where it is relevant.

IamLEA it is herpes and you didn’t get it from sharing a drink.

Skye that’s really interesting thank you.

Polly why is that better? Genuine question. Same symptoms, but if I ever got one, no one would know, can’t cover it up on your face. So why?

For me, it's because it's a more sensitive area. A bad outbreak on your genitals will cause pain walking and sitting for example. An outbreak on your face and you can still go about your day without too much pain. It's like saying, would you rather have a cut on your arm, or on your anus. They are both cuts, what's the difference? One is going to be more difficult to deal with, isn't it.

For women who want children, genital herpes may effect the type of birth they have, whereas facial herpes won't.

It isn't about judgement. It's about practicality.

And before I get heaps of replies saying outbreaks rarely occur, and if they do they aren't usually painful or noticeable - yes that's possible. It's also possible to get outbreaks very frequently and painfully. I have it, and this is how it affects me.

OP I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. But it might be better to work on trying to accept it. Rather than work on convincing us, rather disingenuously imo, that you see absolutely no difference between facial herpes and genital herpes, and can't see why anyone would be rather blase about one and more cautious about the other.

Find the question offensive as a cold sore carrier! But taking zinc tablets seems to keep the buggers away. Also those light machine things. Can’t think of name that cost a fortune zap them dead. If he’s worth kissing, go for it...

@1300cakes uk guidelines only advise a c-section if you catch gh during pregnancy. Caution is taken with new infections in the second or third trimester as a mother needs time to create antibodies, which will then be temporarily passed to their baby, until they are born or until the breastfeeding period is complete.

Also, oral outbreaks can be just as painful as genital ones. After all, you have to eat, drink and be exposed to the elements during an outbreak. The one factual consideration is that the genital area has more nerve endings.

@1300cakes

But I think the question was more that with the knowledge that people with oral herpes could give you genital herpes through oral sex (despite not showing active symptoms of a cold sore), if you are effectively wary of dating someone with genital herpes because you ''wouldn't want to get sores there'' why would you be okay to date someone who you know has cold sore and therefore as much chance to give you genital herpes as someone who has genital herpes?

I think what OP is going at is the amount of people who would be okay with dating people who have cold sores despite them being able to give them genital herpes, yet wouldn't date someone who have genital herpes, despite it making no sense.

1300 I don’t think it’s fair to say educating and discussing to understand is me somehow convincing, I mean, in terms of my dating issues you aren’t exactly my target market! You have your own experience but I’m not in any way disingenuous to say they are the same to me. They are, EXCEPT the stigma.

I don’t even agree with your practicality. Pregnancy is only the first outbreak at time of birth so a minuscule number of people, and actually it’s more likely a neonatal infection be caused by the greater number of people carrying it orally and passing it unknowingly statistically speaking. Also at the figures PP quoted of over 70% of genital coming from oral, shouldn’t oral be more of a threat and stigmatised? (I don’t actually think this btw but it is logical).

And the pain and inconvenience, for you, yes and I’m sorry, that’s awful. But PPs upthread have had some terribly painful experiences orally, so again, I’m not convinced.

I totally need to work on accepting it, but actually what I’m struggling to accept is the stigma, for me the virus itself causes no physical issues, wouldn’t know I had it if I didn’t know iyswim. So actually other people’s opinions are what I am having to “”accept”” and it just seems fucking unfair. Sorry but it is, and I guess like the fact that women are downgraded, rapes don’t get prosecuted, abuse is commonplace, I should put up and shut up.

There was a thread on a similar topic few months ago.

I would date someone who gets cold sores. I really don't see why not.

Boyfriend has made me feel disgusting for having a cold sore, who is BU?

I never had a cold sore in my life until maybe 3 years ago. Generally when I'm already feeling really crappy.
I don't see the problem as it isn't the same as the STD. I've never had an STD.
First sign of a cold sore and I start treating it. The last time, just before xmas, I managed to stop it developing into a cold sore but had the usual tingling and very sore.
But yeah I would, it's no reflection on peoples sexual health at all.

Third time of asking. I've RTWT again, including all posts you made after mine, and you actually haven't answered the question in the other thread and in any case, I think it's relevant on both threads including here. People will just ignore it if they don't think it's relevant.

OP: Can you please answer my question, which I posted on both your threads, yesterday. You replied to others not me.

In the first thread you say "I take suppressants"
In this thread you say "Don’t even need to take anything, just never get one, totally asymptomatic"

Which is it? Do you take suppressants or not? Why the discrepancy? I am sorry if I have misunderstood, but these are your words from the first thread and your words in the current thread and I want to understand.

It seems to me that people will answer differently about your own situation, particularly in the first thread, if they understand.

I am glad you seem to be feeling better today.

@SachaStark Snap! I got one a few years ago when I was really run down and stressed & I got one when I shared a cab with my friend.. she’s never had one, but somehow carries the herpes virus.