Would you date someone who had a coldsore in the past?

[Onewardsup]

YABU - no
YANBU - yes

Not talking an active one and a date right now, just someone that gets them, maybe just one coldsore (so Herpes), a year, 2 years, 5 years ago!

And yes I have another thread to those who have read it. Just wanting a poll, thanks.

Oh and an addendum to that, in the USA videos HSV1 (typically found on the lips) is also something you should absolutely tell a sexual partner about before dating, just as feared as HSV2 (typically genital), also thanks to big pharma and will probably head our way at some point.

Much better that you catch the virus on your face rather than someone unbeknowningly giving you the virus on your genitals. You can catch it that way. I know someone who did and whilst we all get them on our face, they get them there when they're run down...

Polly why is that better? Genuine question. Same symptoms, but if I ever got one, no one would know, can’t cover it up on your face. So why?

I’m trying to understand.

Op, I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through but I wanted to let you know that you’re completely and totally datable. My husband caught genital herpes from an ex who had caught it from her ex. His ex is married now and obviously I married my husband. You’ll find the person who is able to listen without judgment and together you’ll manage the herpes. Dh can feel when it’s coming on so we just don’t have sex until it’s gone. Not a big deal and I’ve never caught it. to you x

I’m assuming some people are sorting out that it is two totally different strains of herpesvirus. A cold sore will never appear on anything but your lips. It’s not an std. genital herpesvirus is completely different. I am not certain but I suspect genital herpes can have sores appear on all the lips, cold sores only the face.

Wrong Bengal oral cold sores can be passed to the genitals via oral sex and vice versa.

Thank you Font may I ask how he told you?

I've got one as I type. Been with DH nearly 10 years and he's managed to never catch one, both DDs are fine too! What are you trying to imply about cold sores exactly??

A cold sore will never appear on anything but your lips

This is so wrong. Hsv1 can be passed to the genital area through oral sex

Probably already been said by cold sores are herpes simplex 1 and genital herpes, the STD is herpes simplex 2. cold sores are decidedly not an STD. That said I'd date someone who had had an STD that had cleared up because shit happens.

If the majority of the male population wouldn't date someone who had had cold sores I'd die a virgin because I used to get them all the bloody time and still get them occasionally now.

The thing is that for most of us when we get a cold sore we feel skanky enough as it is without someone thinking that it could/should be a reason for not dating someone.

She's not trying to imply anything! She already has the herpes virus

While cold sores are not an STD they can cause herpes in the genital area

That said I'd date someone who had had an STD that had cleared up because shit happens

Would you date someone who’d got genital herpes which is lifelong and incurable?

@Onewardsup what are the stats on passing on genital herpes through sex when there are no active lesions.

He told me during a conversation about where the relationship was going. I did have to think about what it would mean for me if I did catch it but ultimately I knew he was worth the risk (we had been friends a long time previously). In answer to your question about why it’s framed differently when it’s genital herpes. I think it’s the same as The attitude towards genital warts, or any other STI. It’s stigmatised and seen as ‘dirty’ and linked with promiscuity I guess, I don’t agree with that train of thought and lots of other people won’t either.

(And anyone who does have that attitude- especially because of how you were given it - can just fuck right off as they aren’t worth your time)

Letseat I only know female to male but the rate of passing it on is less than 4%, the don’t say active lesions or not but would presume not?).

With the use of suppressants or condoms it’s less than 1% risk.

Thank you Font he sadly did fuck right off but then I think I handled it all wrong, I wasn’t in a good place on it.

I get them. So of course. They're not an sti for goodness sake.

I can't vote it's not an option for me.

@Onewardsup is that with or without a condom?

I don’t think cold sores are an issue, they seem really common and obvious when someone has a flare up. Also, the patches for sale at the pharmacy nowadays seem to seal the virus if there’s an active sore on someone’s lip. So that wouldn’t put me off dating.

But I wouldn’t date someone with genital herpes. I wouldn’t want to take that risk!

He was clearly a knob head then. Good way to clear the twats from the good ones :)

I have a cold sore at the moment - after being run down with chest infection for 2 weeks and now a virus. But only the 2nd or 3rd one I've ever had in my life, I'm 45. Had no idea it was a big deal!!! Wow.

So, @Onewardsup your earlier question was...

so the strain that gives a coldsore on the lips is fine (despite being passed to the genitals during oral sex), and the strain on the genitals isn’t (despite also showing up on the lips)? Why? Same symptoms, different location.

Do you feel this has been answered?

Not sure why the 3rd degree grandma but 1% with condoms and/or suppressants. 4% with neither.

And no I don’t feel it’s been answered. Well actually that’s not true, because the answer seems to be, even though it’s precisely the same thing. One is considered dirty and the other isn’t. Also it’s ok to have a facial coldsore and risk giving it to others (and never warn them of the risk) or receiving it via oral sex. But it’s not ok to have it on your genitals and not tell anyone. even though the risks are the same, It’s nonsensical and judgemental.

So the answer is stigma. And I am pilloried by something beyond my control. I’m not dirty, I was never promiscuous, I was raped after a double digit marriage. But that makes no difference to the stigma and the ridiculous hang ups we have in our society around sex..

And actually, even if someone does enjoy an active healthy sex life, I would never judge them for that.

I had cold sores as a child and never again. Obviously I still harbour the virus but it’s been 25 odd years. YANBU.

An addendum to that, SOME posters have given me hope that they are educated, willing to be educated, honest about their own experiences and very very caring