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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asking to move in, WWYD?

261 replies

kwazycupcakes · 04/01/2020 09:42

Morning everyone, has anyone else has been in a similar situation and could share their opinion please?.

DH and I are 30 and own our own home (mortgage). We have a spare bedroom. Some of our friends are in different places in their lives e.g. single or living with parents. That is fine with us, we never bring it up (although they do a few times).

We've had two different friends ask to temporarily move in with us.

Friend 1 - Lived with parents and was saving up for a deposit to rent a house, but was struggling due to all their bills (new car on finance, rent to parents etc). They knew we were decorating our spare bedroom and everytime they came over they kept asking if we'd finished decorating and hinting that if they moved in for two months they would save enough money for a deposit. Everytime they came over they would hint and asked directly a few times.

Friend 2 - Not great with money, new car on finance and latest tech gadgets etc. Has just moved into a family members caravan as it is rent free and they can sort their finances out. Caravan site closes for 6 weeks in January, so they have just asked if they can move in with us for 6 weeks.

Both of them expected to stop with us rent/bill free. And both of them expected us to say yes and that it wouldn't be a problem.

AIBU to say no? DH and I are not rich and have worked hard and saved to get to a point where we can own a house with a spare bedroom. We don't have new cars or latest tech, and we save money every month to work on the house. We are both introverts and appreciate our own space.

Also might be relevant that we are TTC so we hope the bedroom won't be 'spare' for long.

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 04/01/2020 13:04

Both of them expected to stop with us rent/bill free. And both of them expected us to say yes and that it wouldn't be a problem

I'm struggling to understand what possibly stops you laughing out loud at them before say "no".

DuMondeB · 04/01/2020 13:12

I would laugh in their faces and tell them it would be a very fast route to the end of our beautiful friendship!

A mate escaping domestic violence/dealing with a shock relationship break up or a short term home emergency eg a water leak would be a different story, but weeks of staying with me just so they can save some expenses? Hell no! It’s bad enough when my grown son does it, so I certainly wouldn’t put up with it from someone I didn’t give birth to!

Greenpolkadot · 04/01/2020 13:13

Why do you even have to ask? Of course you say no. Living with you rent free will soon move onto free food.bringing friends round, expecting you to do their laundry etc Don't be cheeky fuckerd into this... say no and stick to it

DarlingNikita · 04/01/2020 13:14

Anytime anyone makes a comment like that I'd just smile and make a joke like "oh you couldnt afford our.rent!" and move on.
Yeah, I think I'd go with this, although I can't imagine anyone I know asking. If they were in a real tight spot/moving to London then yes, I'd probably help them out, but just so they could save a bit of money? Jog on.

fedup21 · 04/01/2020 13:20

99% of people think you are not being unreasonable so I presume your friends are both on here!

Are you going to come back and tell us what you’re going to do?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/01/2020 13:21

both of them expected us to say yes and that it wouldn't be a problem

Do you have history for being a pushover?

If not, no problem - you just say a flat no and refuse to discuss it again
If so, however, here's your opportunity to break out of it for good

BumbleBeee69 · 04/01/2020 13:34

is there no end to the Cheeky Fuckers that suck the very life out of nice people.. OP please tell both these free loaders to FUCK OFF... and enjoy the property you and your DH have worked you asses off for... Flowers

tillytrotter1 · 04/01/2020 13:35

You would have problems getting them out, so No, No, No.

Chickychickydodah · 04/01/2020 13:41

Tell them no unless they pay rent and get everything written down and witnessed.

BoomBoomBoomLetMeHearYouSay · 04/01/2020 13:44

Don’t do it. A friend asked to move in with me when her relationship ended. Felt bad for her so said ok. She did pay rent but not market rent, really it was more a contribution to the bills. She promptly met someone else and conducted the early stages of her new relationship from my flat. So I went from living alone to having her and some random bloke there (he had a flat too they could have done to but mine was nicer). She also didn’t really look after the place v well. And asked to stay longer than originally intended. It was awful and put a real strain on the friendship, never again!

Jux · 04/01/2020 13:48

No no no no no no!

Rent to friends, you won't be friends for much longer; but they expect even more of you....

ArranUpsideDown · 04/01/2020 13:54

One of the best pieces of advice that I got about "in kind", "goodwill" or potentially open-ended situations like this was:

If you had that amount of money in your hands - are there any circumstances under which you'd feel justified and comfortable handing it over to them? If not, why is indirectly giving them that money any different?

Twillow · 04/01/2020 13:58

I'd certainly take in someone who was struggling through no fault of their own, but not freeloaders like this!

katy1213 · 04/01/2020 14:09

No, no, no. As @personanongarter says, saying no is a life skill. If anybody tries to wheedle after I've said it once, a very chilly, 'I said no. Did you not understand that?" usually works for me. No is no and not a starter point for discussion.

CharityDingle · 04/01/2020 14:09

I'm struggling to understand what possibly stops you laughing out loud at them before say "no".

Same here. I would have shut down the conversation immediately on day one.

dibdabber · 04/01/2020 14:11

I'd consider it for a trustworthy friend who had had some bad luck or was stuck in a situation, but not for those who were just bad with money.

So in your case OP, I would say no. If they had offered rent and a share of bills, it might have been different but like you say they just want a free ride for a while. Just CFers.

Chocolateandamaretto · 04/01/2020 14:12

You know that “just for 6 weeks” would never just be 6 weeks either!

HouseworkAvoider10 · 04/01/2020 14:15

No.
Cheeky bastards.

FruitcakeOfHate · 04/01/2020 14:15

NFW! Persona is so right, learning to say NO and confront PA 'hinters' with 'It's not really on to expect others to read your mind by dropping hints but my response is no', it a vital skill. ANYONE who even suggests this is a CFer. And I apply that to all the 'stuck'/relationship end/parents told me to move out - you're an adult, you sort yourself out. If a friend offers that is different, but asking.

And yy, to the poster who said so many feel entitled to other peoples' property and resources.

fedup21 · 04/01/2020 14:16

I'm struggling to understand what possibly stops you laughing out loud at them before say "no"

I’m struggling to see how the conversation went.

OP ‘knew’ neither of the friends was prepared to pay rent or bills, the OP ‘knew’ her and her partner would say yes and OP ‘knew’ the friends thought this wouldn’t be a problem for them?

Ok, how did OP ‘know’ all these things?

If they were so far from what the OP actually felt, why didn’t they say anything? Why, at the end of any of these conversations, did the friends not realise this was not going to happen from the OP’s replies?

It all sounds rather odd.

ginghamtablecloths · 04/01/2020 14:16

No way. This is my house and I'm not sharing it. How do you know that they'd leave after a short time? Guests sometimes outstay their welcome and the friendship and your marriage would suffer. If they are bad with money it is for them to sort themselves out, not rely on you to provide cheap housing. A bad lodger will become a liability.

butterpuffed · 04/01/2020 14:30

The fact that not just one friend but two are asking [yes I know separately] if they can move in and expect to pay no rent makes me think that you have form for being a 'soft touch' as most people wouldn't dream of suggesting this !

You even seem to be unsure as you're asking in here. Wise up and say NO.

BumbleBeee69 · 04/01/2020 14:36

if both these idiots are crap with money.. why would living Rent Free for 6 weeks with you CHANGE THAT ?!

MiniEggAddiction · 04/01/2020 14:37

The fact they assume this will be fine shows that they view your house and your spare room as resources that are up for grabs. If you happened to have money in a savings account would they be entitled to put it towards their new car?

MissConductUS · 04/01/2020 14:43

I wonder what happened to @kwazycupcakes, she hasn't been back since her OP.