‘In this house’

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

I see this regularly on AIBU, but it became quite a key point on one particular thread recently. A topic will be being discussed and someone will pipe up with ‘In this house the rule is...’ or ‘In this house we do X, Y, Z and everyone abides by that, no excuses’. It’s by no means universal, but as far as I can see it’s normally used by posters very keen to portray themselves as no-nonsense, firm but fair types who have ‘no truck with snowflakes’ and who ‘parent their children, not the other way around’.

I know it doesn’t affect me in any way whatsoever. It shouldn’t matter; I can just scroll on. But I can’t help feeling that anyone who uses this expression is the kind of person I’d walk under buses to avoid.

AIBU?

What does no truck with snowflakes mean?

It means no patience with people they perceive as precious.

YANBU, OP. I think it’s quite aggressive and unhelpful, personally.

See also ‘I am not a short order cook’.

I think it's just the same as saying 'Well, this is what I/we do. I can't see that it's anything to take offence at.

YANBU, OP. I think it’s quite aggressive and unhelpful, personally.

More aggressive and unhelpful that inferring people's entire character from a single idiom and then posting to say how terrible that all are?

In this house ....

Agreed, they sound like narrow minded tool bags. No two kids are the same and You must always be open to changing tack.

I can't see that it's anything to take offence at.

Are you new here? That sort of thinking is not really the MN spirit.

@StillCoughingandLaughing what does that even mean? 🤣🤣

Can’t abide the phrase “house rules” myself. What the person usually means is “their rules”. But I have no problem in general with the idea that if you own a home you set the rules.

Is there a problem with that OP? I’m sure others would consider me a snowflake parent (cosleeping, baby wearing, breastfeeding DD2, DD1 has to be formula feed but I would only allow DH or I to feed her). I do think children need boundaries to feel secure and so they know where they stand. Is it not good that people are considering what they think is good parenting rather than making it up on a daily basis.

How have you extrapolated that, don?

I just don’t think it’s a helpful saying. I see it in contexts like, ‘I can’t get my three year old to sit at the table and eat his dinner. He purses his mouth up and refuses it. We’ve tried just leaving him until the next meal time but he’s lost 5lbs. Please help!’

‘In this house we eat what’s put in front of us.’

Helpful!

See also ‘I am not a short order cook’.

What does that mean? I haven't heard it before

You beat me to it @ProfYaffle

“I’m not a short order cook” means you eat what you’re given.

I think the reason I object to ‘in this house’ rather than ‘one of my rules is’ is that there seems to be a sense of superiority there, an implied ‘well in YOUR home perhaps you scribble all over your bedroom walls but in THIS house ...’

Couldn't believe I was the first Cautionsharpblade!

“I’m not a short order cook” means you eat what you’re given.

ahh right, thanks

I just take it to mean, these are the minimum level of expectations.

In my house we;

Please and thank you are not negotiable.
Unless told otherwise, mom and dad are in charge, so what we say goes (but as what we say usually is just basic H&S we never have an issue)
Respect is a two way street, I expect respect, but I give respect. Including to the children.

I'd hardly say that makes me "someone to walk under a bus to avoid" for fucks sake.

Also "in my house"

Includes

Zero tolerance for homophobia
Zero tolerance for racism
Zero tolerance for sexism.

Again, id say that makes me decent, not awful.

So what exactly is your issue PPs? What of those makes me so fucking horrible you'd rather walk under a bus?

I also think it sounds quite aggressive. It’s also usually followed by something that makes them sound perfect and all the OP needs to do is treat everyone with an iron fist. Sometimes the rules need to be bent!

I also think it’s problematic as for the above poster it seems to insinuate that racism and homophobia are fine outside of the house which obviously they aren’t

I think I hate it as my mother used to say it with a pinched expression.

It's okay to have house expectations. But yeah, it's a phrase that sounds arrogant and inflexible, so I judge people who use it.

It’s the way it’s said with superiority Kelsoooo, like you’re the only person with those standards.

All of your rules are also values and behaviours I expect from myself, DH and DD but I don’t say it to other posters like it’s something they’ve never thought of.

‘In this house the rule is...’ or ‘In this house we do X, Y, Z and everyone abides by that, no excuses’. It’s by no means universal, but as far as I can see it’s normally used by posters very keen to portray themselves as no-nonsense, firm but fair types who have ‘no truck with snowflakes’ and who ‘parent their children, not the other way around’.

I beg to differ. The only time I see the "in this house" is usually when some massive hun has used it on stickers on their walls or stairs and then goes on a rant about live/laugh/loving, or "we do hugs and love and sparkles" or something like that.

I take it to mean that 'in this house we do it this way, but I understand others do differently'.