‘In this house’

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

I see this regularly on AIBU, but it became quite a key point on one particular thread recently. A topic will be being discussed and someone will pipe up with ‘In this house the rule is...’ or ‘In this house we do X, Y, Z and everyone abides by that, no excuses’. It’s by no means universal, but as far as I can see it’s normally used by posters very keen to portray themselves as no-nonsense, firm but fair types who have ‘no truck with snowflakes’ and who ‘parent their children, not the other way around’.

I know it doesn’t affect me in any way whatsoever. It shouldn’t matter; I can just scroll on. But I can’t help feeling that anyone who uses this expression is the kind of person I’d walk under buses to avoid.

AIBU?

Does that mean their mattresses and soft furnishings are a Jackson Pollock of (only detectable by UV) old jizz & bodily fluids?

😂😂😂

make everything from scratch and sneer at posts about ready meals or takeaways, jumping in to tell us all how they’d much rather make something ‘simple and fresh’;

I hate pretentious food. These proclamations of ‘simple and fresh’ food are often followed by some ridiculous dish that you could expect in a restaurant. Nah! Give me a pizza!

And people who “style” their bedrooms “to hotel standard” with “crisp white linen”?

How is it comfortable to sleep in ‘crisp’ linen? And I would constantly freak out about getting something on white linen. One of my Christmas presents from DH was Harry Potter bedding because I’m a massive child and I love it!

I hate pretentious food. These proclamations of ‘simple and fresh’ food are often followed by some ridiculous dish that you could expect in a restaurant. Nah! Give me a pizza!

Egg & chips is the food of the gods. Especially with bread and butter & a mug of tea.

How is it comfortable to sleep in ‘crisp’ linen?

Not sure... I don’t even know what they mean. I just know they have a minimum thread count.

Nah I think you’re overthinking it or maybe generalising too much.

I’m a big old lefty liberal and as soft as you can get really but I don’t like screaming, lying, laziness or fighting. So I don’t want that done in my house.

For example my SC don’t have to tidy their room at mums, by all accounts the place is a pig sty (not my business) but I do want them to tidy their room here. So in this house - which we consider their home too - we expect them to pick up their crap and tidy their room. Their mum doesn’t, that’s her prerogative.

I am a massive snowflake and don’t tolerate hurtful and discriminatory language or behaviour from people in my life. That doesn’t mean I let people walk all over the way I want my home life
To look / Feel.

How strange to equate these things

These are our rules. We know not everyone shares them, but they're important to us so here, that's what goes

That sort of thing is often accompanied by the most blatantly obvious "rules", but they think saying them makes them much better people.

Like "we don't tolerate racism/sexism" etc. Why would anyone think you would? Why do you feel the need to point it out?

So in this house - which we consider their home too - we expect them to pick up their crap and tidy their room.

Do you tell them to pick up their ‘crap’? That won’t make them feel at home...

thejollyroger

Don’t even know the thread count of my new Harry Potter bedding...

My mum used to say it when she was pissed off

I'm fairly strict / authoritarian and in my head I'd probably say "In this house..." or similar, but I know how it sounds so it tends to come out as "No Visiting Child, we don't jump on the sofa, off you go".

Don’t even know the thread count of my new Harry Potter bedding...

Only that it cost many, many Galleons...

we don't jump on the sofa, off you go".

And there it is again! “We don’t...” Visiting child clearly does! What’s wrong with just “Don’t jump on the sofa”? I don’t personally care what people say, I just don’t get why you feel you have to add the “we”.

Only that it cost many, many Galleons...

And worth every knut!

I have certain expectations of behaviour so do use " in in my house" it's the same as saying "in my family" house being short for household.. I mean where else as its where I live 🤦‍♀️. I don't judge others as we all live differently. I use "in this house" as opposed to in the car park or in the supermarket.
There is "zero tolerance" for such things as rudeness, homophobia, racism, sexism etc the way I enforce that with non family members.. I throw them out, with children I have a discussion as to why its out of order & if they continue then they have their privileges taken away. I by no means march around like the gestapo ordering people about.
I can also assure you I have absolutely fuck all to be smug about.. Currently fielding vile texts from exH. At the beginning of December Imanaged to crush the nerves at the base of my spine sitting up in the bath and semi paralysing my left side because of that I rolled my ankle & fractured it and 4 bones in my foot. Tore the flexor muscle in my hip, damaged my rotator cuff and my left hand & arm are numb and weak.
Walking under a bus to avoid me seems a smidge extreme, you could just walk fast, I'd never catch you, but each to their own, I wouldn't personally I'd just let them get on with it as its their business, nothing to do with me unless it impacts on my life. I'm using my dead fathers walking stick, I've peed myself twice due to not being able to get to the loo quick enough. I haven't been out since Dec 5th. My bungalow looks like we've been burgled, the washing has piled up to.. Well a mountain and I have to have strip washes on the toilet as I can't get in or more importantly out of the bath and I can't stand in the shower.
Im also a single parent to a hard of hearing 10 Yr old with adhd & heart condition so no smugness here more of a pity party for one.

I dunno, but I wouldn't like to lie in crispy sheets, grim.

I know what you mean about the 'in our house' type comments OP, I see them in the parenting threads and I never see them as particularly helpful. i.e.
"My son is a recovering addict and last night told me to f off you f c*"
"Well in our house we never talk to each other like that, whose the parent here"

Yeah really helpful

It puts me in mind of people who ‘invest’ in a good quality coat with high wool content and a pair of good sturdy shoes for winter; who make everything from scratch and sneer at posts about ready meals or takeaways, jumping in to tell us all how they’d much rather make something ‘simple and fresh’; who decide whether they will ‘let’ their presumably adult husband go out for the evening and boast of how they’d put his things on the doorstep and change the locks if he came in late; who ‘won’t stand for’ what they consider ‘nonsense’ or ‘sulking’...

blimey

you get all that from one sentence?
Says more about you than anything else frankly. If I had known "in this house" could wind people so much, I would have been using it all the time on this forum

I use it, but only because I'm quoting the League of Gentlemen in my head. DH appreciates it when he's here.
The main thing I have to pull people up on is visiting children thinking that they can eat in any room in the house. The regulars know this, but occasionally I forget to tell a newbie. So I say 'our eating rooms are here the kitchen where I sat you all down with a drink and gave you the food, Sherlock and the dining room. We don't eat in the bedrooms'. It sounds sort of saccharine if you don't do a deep drawn out 'in THIS house'.

And there it is again! “We don’t...” Visiting child clearly does! What’s wrong with just “Don’t jump on the sofa”? I don’t personally care what people say, I just don’t get why you feel you have to add the “we”.

To me it sounds softer / less outwardly authoritarian. I'm absolutely saying the same thing though.

EssentialHummus

Right. I think the reason I don’t like it is the same as the reason I don’t like “In this house...”

“We don’t...”
“In this house...”
Sounds patronizing and uppity to many ears, even if not meant as such. Plain speaking is better,
“don’t jump on the sofa (optional “please”) you’ll damage it and might hurt yourself”.

I don't like the phrase 'not allowed'. It gives me the impression kids are only ever doing as they are told. They also don't do a detailed cost benefit analysis before every decision - most things they just do the way they know.
Also, if they visit other families, I expect them to fit in there, not expect to trample over their host's rules.
With the Mumsnet special, shoes off inside, we do it, but it isn't a rule. If a kid (or adult I suppose!) walked through shit, it would become a rule very quickly, but I don't ask other people to abide by that particular house norm (that's s norm IN our house, not a norm OF our house for the benefit of PP who had an issue!)

we don't jump on the sofa
realistically, parents don't do it either, so it's accurate!

avoid the talk back: "don't jump on the sofa" " but my friend johnny does jump on the sofa" ,...

It depends how it's used:

In this house we tidy away toys before dinner, is fine in my opinion.

I'm this house I get to decide what we all watch on telly, a bit dictatorial.

I don't like the phrase 'not allowed'. It gives me the impression kids are only ever doing as they are told.

as it should be!