‘In this house’

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

I see this regularly on AIBU, but it became quite a key point on one particular thread recently. A topic will be being discussed and someone will pipe up with ‘In this house the rule is...’ or ‘In this house we do X, Y, Z and everyone abides by that, no excuses’. It’s by no means universal, but as far as I can see it’s normally used by posters very keen to portray themselves as no-nonsense, firm but fair types who have ‘no truck with snowflakes’ and who ‘parent their children, not the other way around’.

I know it doesn’t affect me in any way whatsoever. It shouldn’t matter; I can just scroll on. But I can’t help feeling that anyone who uses this expression is the kind of person I’d walk under buses to avoid.

AIBU?

One thing MN has taught me is how many really simple/mundane things can be a taken 100 different ways.

Some of which are completely batshit and if you worried about them, you'd never open your mouth again.

It's so far removed from my real life and the people in it and I can only pray it stays that way.

I mostly hear “in this house ...”

The cat makes the rules
The cat is boss
Etc.

Of course! But why say the rules belong to the house?

Well, we have wooden floors and don't care where red wine is taken so their rules would not apply to our house! But upstairs? Hellz, no!!

Well, we have wooden floors and don't care where red wine is taken so their rules would not apply to our house! grin But upstairs? Hellz, no!!

Right, so your rules are no red wine upstairs? But they’re not your house’s rules!

Well in this house means to me,i wont tolerate behaviour from someone elses kids i wouldnt take from my own.
Also i expect my kids to obey other peoples rules while they are in their house.

I think this thread is in danger of being moved to Pedants' Corner

I think it's perhaps people who are sick of the declining standards of manners and general behaviour in society deciding that 'in this house' that behaviour is not acceptable. I think when people see bad behaviour from others in society, it makes them even more determined to ensure that it isn't repeated from them and theirs.

ight, so your rules are no red wine upstairs? But they’re not your house’s rules!

I don't know, I'll have to converse with the house and check!

I don't know, I'll have to converse with the house and check! wink

Yes, and the house will say something back like, “Sorry, Tistheseason, I know it’s your inclination to be more laid back/flexible but I am a stickler and I absolutely insist on these rules. I’m afraid you’ll simply have to be the reluctant enforcer of my standards.”

The OP isn’t complaining that people have rules in their own houses or decide what goes on there. She’s having a lighthearted moan about the phrase itself.

Good god some people on here are hard-of-reading 🙄.

I always see it as meaning: These are our rules. We know not everyone shares them, but they'r eimportant to us so here, that;s what goes. Which is fair enough. I did come across people with house rules I couldn;t live with (children had to eat what was on their plate. DS has autism and couldn't tolerate most textures so we didn't go back there for lunch or tea buit fixed dates to just play instead.

I agree OP, it is a knobby phrase.

Slightly related but I really can't stand when parents talk about it being "my house" instead of "our house" to their children. Kids aren't lodgers and mine will know it's as much their home as mine.

I see it as a short way to describe how people do thing, to avoid any accusation of saying it should be universal or it is the only way to do it.

People write 3 or 4 lines of comment, it can be quite difficult to express your idea. What else do you want people to say?

I do think some posters are way over-thinking everything! And someone will find a way to criticise or be offended by anything you say anyway.

I can't see anything wrong with it. I wouldn't say it to a visitor, mind.

Your OP is bizarre to me.

Surely it's like when someone says "we don't wear shoes indoors in this house" or "in this house, we don't eat in the living room". Just means that even if your kids friends do something differently, it's not how you do it.

Like if my son whines that at his best friend's house they get to eat dinner on the floor in front of the TV, I just say "That's up to his parents. We don't do that in this house".

Or should I just say "ok, let's go to the living room!"?

Weird.

RemediosVaro

If I were your son, I would be irritated by the “We don’t do that”. It’s a very infantilising way to talk to someone. Why not just be direct and say “You’re not allowed to...”?

A short order cook is generally a cook in an American diner, who makes a lot of different foods to order for breakfast rushes. I use it to mean I am not going to cook whatever the DC demand at short notice for their tea.

I’m sure the people on this thread will be pleased to know I don’t give a tinker’s cuss what you think of me using it

I’m enjoying all the responses

As others have said, it’s the phrase I find annoying rather than the concept of people deciding how to manage certain things within their family. It puts me in mind of people who ‘invest’ in a good quality coat with high wool content and a pair of good sturdy shoes for winter; who make everything from scratch and sneer at posts about ready meals or takeaways, jumping in to tell us all how they’d much rather make something ‘simple and fresh’; who decide whether they will ‘let’ their presumably adult husband go out for the evening and boast of how they’d put his things on the doorstep and change the locks if he came in late; who ‘won’t stand for’ what they consider ‘nonsense’ or ‘sulking’...

It puts me in mind of people who ‘invest’ in a good quality coat with high wool content and a pair of good sturdy shoes for winter; who make everything from scratch and sneer at posts about ready meals or takeaways, jumping in to tell us all how they’d much rather make something ‘simple and fresh’;

And people who “style” their bedrooms “to hotel standard” with “crisp white linen”?

Yes I know, how very dare women set their own boundaries about what happens in their own home!!! They are obviously smug, intolerant, authoritarian bossy cows who have control issues. Of course it’s perfectly fine for men to set boundaries, that’s totally different . They are simply being assertive and direct. A man’s home is his Castle.

What a load of absolute toss. I’m not going to get offended by people disagreeing with me on this thread, but turning it into gender politics? I never mentioned gender. Not ONE other person mentioned it. You completely undermine the genuine issue of double standards when you invent ones that aren’t there.

And people who “style” their bedrooms “to hotel standard” with “crisp white linen”?

Yes!! And why is it always ‘crisp’?!

I don’t know!! Do they mean the shade of white is “crisp”, or that the linen feels crisp? Do they even know?!

I take it to mean, I don’t care what you do in your house, but here we do this. Not offensive or controlling at all. If you want to do something else then you know your host doesn’t like it.

Tut, tut, tut, not under my roof.

And people who “style” their bedrooms “to hotel standard” with “crisp white linen”?

Does that mean their mattresses and soft furnishings are a Jackson Pollock of (only detectable by UV) old jizz & bodily fluids?