‘In this house’

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

I see this regularly on AIBU, but it became quite a key point on one particular thread recently. A topic will be being discussed and someone will pipe up with ‘In this house the rule is...’ or ‘In this house we do X, Y, Z and everyone abides by that, no excuses’. It’s by no means universal, but as far as I can see it’s normally used by posters very keen to portray themselves as no-nonsense, firm but fair types who have ‘no truck with snowflakes’ and who ‘parent their children, not the other way around’.

I know it doesn’t affect me in any way whatsoever. It shouldn’t matter; I can just scroll on. But I can’t help feeling that anyone who uses this expression is the kind of person I’d walk under buses to avoid.

AIBU?

All of your rules are also values and behaviours I expect from myself, DH and DD but I don’t say it to other posters like it’s something they’ve never thought of.

I’ll also add that DH expects it of all of us too and, when she’s older, I’m sure DD will also expect it of us. Not just me like I’m in charge and everyone dances to my tune.

I am so with you @StillCoughingandLaughing
Sounds so smug. I mean live and let live, but it’s like everyone else is just rolling around in mess and disrespect and they are the elite.
I’m probably just jealous

Yes Rick!

It’s the way it’s said with superiority

If you are talking about online stuff, it isn’t the way it is said, it is the way it’s read.

I would read the phrase as the person simply noting what happens in their house. I’m not so insecure to read that as a dig at me.

I would read the phrase as the person simply noting what happens in their house. I’m not so insecure to read that as a dig at me.

^This

It's less annoying than 'we don't 'do' fussy eaters'

MintyMabel I agree fully.

It's just showing how that family in that house lives and works and what rules they may have.

It's not something to take personally or walk under a bus to avoid.

Agree with MintyMabel. It's generally just people literally posting about what happens in their house and not a dig at other people.

My other issue is the zero tolerance in this house for...

How are they enforcing this? What are the consequences for not following the rules? I have major issues with food. My parents had a rule of eat what you’re given. No substitutes, no excuses, clean plate. It didn’t make me a great eater. It made me have massive anxiety around trying new things. Going to a restaurant is misery if I can’t view the menu in advance and find something I know I like.

I hate posters who use “yup”.

Yes, and ditto re anyone who talks of ‘house rules’. To me it = avoid like the Black Death.
Given normal courtesy/consideration such rules should not be needed.

My other issue is the zero tolerance in this house for...

How are they enforcing this? What are the consequences for not following the rules?

That would depend on the subject and on the individuals posting.

I also feel the phrase comes across arrogant and superior.

Like it's your fault and the way you do things is the problem. Which in some cases is true but its not helpful.

Agreed, they sound like narrow minded tool bags

Tool bags is criminally underused but so apt @Strongmummy

I definitely believe it can be said with an air of superiority. “We do X” is so much quicker than “In this house we do X”, so why add the phrase? It reminds me of people who obsess about their front doors (“...bringing trouble to my front door”?) or their arms (“...MIL taking DC from out of my arms”). There’s something proprietorial about it. It suggests - to me - that they are thinking (deep down) about how your standard would never fly in their house. Bit weird.

Like it's your fault and the way you do things is the problem. Which in some cases is true but its not helpful.

Why isn't it helpful?

Surely most OPs are looking to do something different to solve their problem and that's the point of them starting a thread?

Imagine Super Nanny being invited to someone's home and then leaving without telling them the way they do things, is what's causing the problem?

Totally pointless

WorraLiberty

I get that but it’s always said as ‘zero tolerance’ but with no explanation of how they’ve achieved that. When a poster has asked for advice about a child’s behaviour/eating habits/issues at school, quite posting that you have zero tolerance isn’t helpful and is entirely meant to put the OP down.

*just not quite

In this house just sounds so insufferably smug, along with “in our family we don’t do that”. You just know it’s accompanied by pursed lips.

Often coupled with 'batch cook' as the all round answer to any and every problem

Why isn't it helpful?

Maybe it is semantics but why don't you try.... and have you thought about..,,? Comes across better than

' In this house' which just makes you sound like an absolute weapon.

It's okay to have house expectations

But I never really know what people mean by this that distinguishes it from their expectations. Houses can’t actually have expectations. People have expectations. So why mention the house? What are they trying to say?

An absolute weapon! 🤣

refraction

I’ve never heard “weapon” used as an insult! I bloody love it. Is it like “tool” but worse?

“In this house” sounds like debating language - to be scrupulously fair. 🧐🤣