‘In this house’

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

I see this regularly on AIBU, but it became quite a key point on one particular thread recently. A topic will be being discussed and someone will pipe up with ‘In this house the rule is...’ or ‘In this house we do X, Y, Z and everyone abides by that, no excuses’. It’s by no means universal, but as far as I can see it’s normally used by posters very keen to portray themselves as no-nonsense, firm but fair types who have ‘no truck with snowflakes’ and who ‘parent their children, not the other way around’.

I know it doesn’t affect me in any way whatsoever. It shouldn’t matter; I can just scroll on. But I can’t help feeling that anyone who uses this expression is the kind of person I’d walk under buses to avoid.

AIBU?

Ahh I see what you mean Being. In that case people should question them but I suppose if they're jut bitch plopping and not returning to the thread, it's difficult.

OP, you sound very judgemental of a common phrase in the way you determine someone's entire character by it. YABU.

I know plently of people who say this type of thing who are lovely, kind people - they just have house rules. No big deal.

they just have house rules. No big deal.

But houses can’t have rules! 😂 None of the houses I’ve lived in had rules anyway.

In this house...

It's often used when you hear 'Well, in Bill's/Fred's/Anne's house they...'

In this house/household/family unit we accept there are different ways of doing things and different language to express yourself.
It's not a phrase I personally use but you are being unreasonably obtuse.

If you are using personification, houses can most certainly have rules!

@Kelsoooo - I'd say yours are pretty much spot on. I think OP means the ridiculous petty 'rules' with no room for negotiation. We're a family that has basic rules but we're open to compromise and a well reasoned argument for changing the rules. DS's teachers have already said he's very good at offering alternatives .

But houses can’t have rules
People who live in the house can have rules people abide by when they are in their house... shoes off, no drinks in front room etc
Not sure why this would make them awful in any way? I don't want to spill red wine on their nice cream rug, either!

astralweaks

But why personify your own rules as belonging to a house? What’s the point, if not to distance yourself from the rules and try to imbue them with an objectivity and therefore a permanency that they do not, in fact, possess?

Tistheseason17

Of course! But why say the rules belong to the house?

Yes I know, how very dare women set their own boundaries about what happens in their own home!!!

They are obviously smug, intolerant, authoritarian bossy cows who have control issues.

Of course it’s perfectly fine for men to set boundaries, that’s totally different . They are simply being assertive and direct. A man’s home is his Castle.

@thejollyroger

Good point!

Yy op, glorioussilence, thejollyroger.

They are the sort of posters who 'instil' things into their children. 'In this house we instil good manners'. We teach/encourage/model good manners too, but 'instilling' sounds so ruthless and uncompromising (and smug) somehow. It's a bit neo-authoritarian.

YANBU.

It always brings to a mind people who insist visitors remove their shoes at the door and parent other people’s children loudly (‘In this house, Little Johnny, nobody leaves the table without at least trying their kale’).

Number 3 is here every 15 minutes....don’t let me stop you.

I take it to mean that 'in this house we do it this way, but I understand others do differently'.

Exactly!

I don't think racism/etc is ok outside of my house in any way.

But, remarkably, some people do.

I also have au pairs staying with us, so yes I do have to spell it out.

Appears some people just like a bitch.

I've never said it with superiority, or "pursed lips".

I use the phrase to encompass, none negotiable rules. And "the house" to mean as in "the family".

why personify your own rules as belonging to a house?

I think it's a way of acknowledging that your personal rules cannot be enforced on others outside your home, but inside you (the collective you of the family) get to do things your way.

There are things that society at large accepts but we dislike and we are allowed to keep them outside the sanctuary of our own home.

I use the phrase to encompass, none negotiable rules. And "the house" to mean as in "the family".

But they’re not your kids’ rules, are they? They’re not democratically founded and agreed upon? They’re yours?

thejolly

I’ve never heard “weapon” used as an insult! I bloody love it. Is it like “tool” but worse?

Used a lot up here.

I think it's a way of acknowledging that your personal rules cannot be enforced on others outside your home, but inside you (the collective you of the family) get to do things your way

But it’s never the collective you, in reality, is it? If I said “house rules are that we eat everything savoury before getting pudding”, I would mean that is the standard I intend my children will follow. No?

"I can't see that it's anything to take offence at."

Are you new here? That sort of thinking is not really the MN spirit.
I know.

I'm still trying to keep to my NY resolution of being more understanding and kind and the best person I can be. (Don't know how long it will last though).

The things people post about!

IM0GEN

Who said anything about women?!? I’d feel exactly the same if a man said it.

Yes I know, how very dare women set their own boundaries about what happens in their own home!!!

Who engendered this? There are men on MN as well. The same argument applies just as well to men. Bollocks to 'a man's home is his castle'. DH & I are equal partners.