to think you shouldn't do this if you're in a relationship?

[JPG2017]

If a man has a partner, should he be texting another woman everyday?

The messages involve talking about life, beliefs, passions etc., and they are LONG. About 25 paragraphs sent over a few days. The woman replies the same.

A lot of him saying "I'll have to explain this to you in person" and "you're the only person I know who would ask such an intelligent question" / "you're the only person I know who's this interesting to speak to".

Thoughts?

No bloke would text excessively if he didn’t have an ulterior motive. I think he’s playing you both

He's sniffing around her.

It's tantamount to the old 'she doesn't understand me' affair line.

Nope. Not acceptable.
And he sounds ridiculous / on the verge of a midlife crisis?

Is there anything in them that he wouldn’t say to her with you in the room?

Not particularly. A few terms of endearments (an in-joke pet name has been used a few times, presumably from the relationship). But mostly just nice texts - wishing her a merry christmas and apologizing because he replies to the messages over two/three days rather than one.

@holly40

He's under the age of 30!

@jpg2017 you just need to ask him what’s going on. I wouldn’t be able to keep quiet

I agree with PP he can go out with her if she's so bloody wonderful. I'd fucj him right off.

Erm....just sounds like two friends having long conversations. If this were a male friend, would you feel the same?

No it doesn't sound good OP. As others have said, it's flattery IMO which is building the foundations for something else. It's not full on flirting but surely you can see its beyond a normal occasional chit chat between colleagues or friends. 100x worse because they're exes. Sounds like unfinished business to me. I would confront him OP

I have a friend who speaks in a similar way. We're very fond of one another, but in an entirely platonic way. My husband has never met him as he lives overseas now, but I often share messages with him.

We can go a few weeks without speaking then have days of fairly constant messages.

Does he know you don't like it?

@LoveFromAfrica

I would find it odd to be honest, even if it was a male friend.

It's not so much the frequency they speak, but the AMOUNT of messages sent. I won't post screenshots for obvious reasons, but these messages must have taken a very very long time to write. He doesn't text anyone else like that. It's literally like reading an essay on a particular subject, and them both fawning over how clever the other is.

He has pictures of this ex up on his social media. She's very attractive (more so than me).

@WelcomeToShootingStars

Have you ever had sex with that man though? been in a relationship with him?

Inappropriate. I speak to my closest friend daily (another female) and it's very rarely more than a few sentences per text. I speak to another friend who is Male maybe once a week and it's the same, no more than a few sentences

Erm....just sounds like two friends having long conversations. If this were a male friend, would you feel the same?

I'd think it was bloody weird yes

He's having an emotional affair OP. Tell him to knock it off or he can piss off back to her. Or just tell him to piss off.

Tell him to Piss or get off the pot...

I wouldn’t be happy if it was my husband. He clearly holds her in high esteem if he’s saying “you’re the only person ........”

You need to get rid Op - he's playing you for a fool and no one should make you feel second best about anything.

He's not an overtly sexual person

Maybe not with you....

He also met up with her before Xmas to give some of her stuff back

And the texts have started from them

Would you feel ok speaking to your ex to the same degree and frequency OP? If not, why not? Disloyal? There's your answer.

Why don’t you slot into conversation with him something like “ so have you and Xxxx been in contact since you gave her back her stuff” and see what he says. (Note I didn’t say ‘spoken to xxx’ as it’s texts and he could manipulate the question and say no, be careful to word it properly, texts are contact)

If he lies it’s either because he’s feeling guilty about the amount of contact or he knows you’ll kick off.

I’m of the opinion that if you are friends with someone and you’re cool with your partner meeting them it’s a totally innocent friendship and it’s fine.
If you don’t want your partner meeting them then it’s not fine. I’m not saying meet her btw, I’m just saying if he hides her it’s not fine.
Although if you ask if they are going to go to dinner together as friends and he says yes you can say that’s nice let me know when and I’ll join you. If he complains get him told that a friend should be up able to meet their friends partner and if not it’s not a true friendship and he can get himself to fuck.

The amount of contact they are having is not fine. It may be just an ego stroke but it’s still not fine.

Why is she only just getting her stuff back from him if she's an ex from a few years ago?

Agree with gamerchick
Its an emotional affair

I think it's the content that isn't on rather than texting another woman.

My dp texts another woman every day (his business partner) and they get on well and are close friends.

It isn't uncomfortable because their relationship doesn't try to exclude me or her partner. And he doesn't (to my knowledge) compare us and find me less favourable!

He's meeting her this weekend.