To have reminded DD that marriage is a serious commitment that shouldn’t be ended on a whim?

[CSalts]

DD married 18 months ago and has dropped the bombshell to me today that she wants a divorce and asked my advice. Apparently she’s been feeling this way ever since the excitement of the wedding wore off but had tried to put it to the back of her mind. DD and SIL have been together for a long time, since they were both 18 (she’s 27 now). SIL is lovely and very much part of our family. We are close with his family also and always celebrate Christmas and birthdays together. Both families would be shocked and devastated if things were to end. DD says just doesn’t think she loves him anymore. The only real reason she could give is that she thinks she met him when too young/wouldn’t choose him now and is tired of carrying the mental load (he can be a typical man at times, a bit forgetful and messy around the house). I’m told that poor SIL knows how DD is feeling and is desperate to make things work

I pointed out to DD that there are men far worse than her DH and that if there has been no infidelity or abuse, she should be prepared to work at the marriage as she has made a very serious commitment which shouldn’t be ended recklessly and turn their lives upside down. AIBU? They don’t have DC yet but have committed in many other ways, for example they own properties together.

DD is now upset with me for not being supportive, yet she asked my opinion. Should I have lied? Her view is that she doesn’t want to waste a minute longer in an unhappy marriage and wants to move on and find someone else before wasting her time further. All I ever want for DD is for her to be happy, but I don’t want to see her making a terrible mistake which can’t be undone... I’m all too aware that the grass isn’t always greener.

YABU.

Life is far too short to spend being unhappy. You seem more concerned about losing him than you do your daughter.
Support her.

This isn’t the same as a relationship up thread where some ones husband hit them over the head with a hammer. The OP dd is bored.

You've entirely ignored all the mental load part...

I think you should have been more neutral too. If there were kids it would be different.

I don’t think it’s bad advice to suggest she think very carefully and make sure she’s genuinely given this her best shot. Perhaps consider not doing anything at all for three months and seeing how she feels. Largely because she doesn’t want to regret or wonder what if later down the line, and when she dates new ppl she can honestly say she gave it her very best shot.

Also she needs to tell her husband. Which won’t be pleasant, but she does owe him that.

You can't have 'intuition' about one post regarding people you've never met

I think you’ll find I can do anything I like!

I think you’ll find I can do anything I like!
I think you'll find that's not quite true.
Try posting the 1001 message here.

I don't pay attention to nn but I remember AlsoHuman from other, let's say, controversial posts in other threads.

I think you’ll find I can do anything I like!

Except getting your husband to not leave you and live with someone else, it seems.

Absobloodylutely. As it happens he did me a huge favour - and the next two wives he subsequently left.

As it happens he did me a huge favour

So why not be happy that OP's dd is doing her husband by leaving when she's not happy?

*doing her husband a favour

Alsohuman I was in a relationship for 30 years.

By your standard, that must be a success, right?

Unfortunately, I finally left due to abusive behaviour. So no, length of time does not equal a successful relationship.

If I had been able to leave at 27, I'm sure I'd have had a better life.

It’s the “for better and worse, in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer”. It’s about having made a commitment to that person and keeping the promises you made to them. Knowing every life has rough patches and keeping the faith that they’re temporary

Nine years isn't temporary. Its long enough to decide whether or not you want a family with someone. As PPs have pointed out - divorce after short marriage/long cohabitation tends to happen where marriage was supposed to fix the relationship.

Marriage success is thankfully no longer measured by endurance. You keep waving your 22 yr marriage at people but apparently you didn't stick "for better or worse" previously.

Women no longer have to stay in unhappy marriages, even though many do and raise children in them who see their parents' unhappiness on a daily basis.

Why is it women who have to put up with it, when men basically aren't living up to those promises?
Better or worse is when shit happens, not when your spouse is being shit for no good reason.

@Lweji well in this case it’s because he’s ‘lovely’ apparently, ( ) even though he leaves the mental load to OP and is messy

I'm not surprised at the poll given the high divorce rate in the UK. I would advise counselling. The issues they are encountering are nothing extraordinary and marriage needs work. They both need to put work into it. I don't think people appreciate that very much nowadays in our throwaway culture. I think too many people think marriage is a fairytale but it is almost guaranteed to bring rough patches and these are what tests our mettle and ultimately enhances the relationship. (I'm not talking about abusive relationships here, by the way.) But I would urge them to put all their efforts into working things out.

They both need to put work into it. I don't think people appreciate that very much nowadays in our throwaway culture.

Except more often than not, women are left to do all the work in their own, while the husbands pay lip service if they're even bothered to do that.

And if I'm entirely honest it shouldn't take the threat of divorce/split to make a man think and pick up his stinky socks off floor.

Well said lweji