Have you ever had negative comments for dressing well going to work?

[Shedidnt]

I suppose they were not negative in my case but I don't have much confidence really, so I think women (in both cases) wouldn't know that.

I dress well going to work. Pencil skirts or dresses. On two occasions how I dress has been commented on (and not complimentary).

First one was a girl who said 'you look like you're dressed up to go out - I wouldn't get dressed up to come into this place'. I felt like an eejit for trying too hard.

Second one were two female colleagues talking among themselves and one saying 'oh well, she's always overdressed'.

I like to dress well as it gives me confidence. But I feel women particularly hated me for it. The women I befriended never commented apart from maybe to say, that's a nice top - where did you get it (usually primark), but it has left me feeling self conscious about what I wear in case I look like a try-hard or something?

Please tell me some of you dress up to go to work?

Another factor might be an ex (who used to beat me up) told me I was dressing up for the men at work and in fact some of the beatings I took were to make my face bruised so that I couldn't go to work.

In my line of work the shabbier you are, the more intelligent and competent people think you are. I've had colleagues saying that women who dress well are trying to disguise their lack of competence

I generally wear Hobbs dresses for work. When I temped in the NHS I got funny looks as the medical secs I worked with were all rather frumpy!

The one thing I'm really jealous about in the work environment is anyone who can wear heels. I try, with the lower level of "high", the kitten heels, the Insolia shoes and super comfy ones from Ecco or Gabor, but the real thing is just a little unsafe and uncomfortable for me. I had a PA with a vast array of coloured heels, there were mutterings about Health and Safety but I thought she looked just wonderful in them.

OP, well done, you dress well for yourself! I love clothes and accessories and while I don't have expensive stuff I know what to wear and how to match to look like I do. They're just jealous. Some lines to get you going "better overdressed than underdressed", "I'll take that as a compliment, thanks", "you should try it sometime".

Also, huge congrats for getting out of an abusive, horrible relationship!!!'

Also: someone once taught me never to have crappy clothes to wear at home. She used to say: if you have to run down the stairs would you be ashamed? So I got myself silk and velvet robes, beautiful clothes just to stay in. Life is too short to dress ugly.

Ps: bet the bitches can't walk half a mile in heels

I love clothes and I always dress up for work. My office is generally pretty dressy though, so I don't stand out. I find casual Fridays a bit stressful though, they are a proper fashion show, especially in the summer.

bet the bitches can't walk half a mile in heels grin

Is that something to be proud of, or put down others for? Really?

@Lweji no, and I actually realised that as soon as I wrote the comment. I am sorry for that. It sounded way better in my head

It depends on your job. If it's a casual workplace then it can seem odd to dress more formally. I think you should just wear whatever you want. It's not inappropriate and it gives you confidence. So just ignore their remarks.

The issue here is that the way you are dressing is making you stand out from the others and has them commenting. You either have the confidence to carry this off or not and if not then you need to tone it down.

It also very much depends on what your job and role is. I work very hard to ensure that the story is not about me and so I dress in a way to ensure that I don't stand out. For me that is just good practice. However that might not apply to you.

I dress up for work. I wear 40s and 50s style dresses with coloured tights and t bar shoes. I know that I stand out in one workplace but not the other (I work between two offices) because there are more flamingos in the London team. I don't mind because I dress how I feel confident and no longer care what others think, but I would have done a few years ago.

I feel you. I am similar. I’ve always made an effort with my appearance and I like to dress tastefully but very glam. I love fashion and I love mixing unusual clothes and shoes, my style is more of a rock chick look. I get way more compliments than snark but I have occasionally got rude remarks about being overdressed or that it’s clear all I care about is fashion. Usually the people saying that are drab and scruffy looking with no sense of style whatsoever so I put it down to jealousy. Normally I hate the whole “she’s jealous” excuse but I really cannot fathom any other reason why someone would make unkind comments to a person they don’t know who has been nothing but nice to them. That plus their bland and uninspiring appearance leads to me believe it’s jealousy. When you dig a little deeper you find that people who are rude often end up asking your advice on fashion later down the line. Classic case of sour grapes. Just embrace it - it’s people like you who brighten up this dull world!

I don’t understand why anyone would be “jealous” of the way someone else dressed. There is absolutely nothing to stop them going to Primark and buying the same clothes so it just makes no sense that it’s always the default that people jump to.

Because putting together a “look” takes money (to buy clothes and accessories) and skill - throwing clothes together doesn’t cut it, it takes time to get to know what flatters you’re shape, what colours suit you, where to buy things that suit you, what goes with what etc
It’s the same with makeup. I used to work with a woman who would endlessly criticise women who wore makeup saying it was shallow and unnatural etc etc wouldn’t stop bringing it up.
Eventually I said “you know- I could give you a makeover and you could try some false lashes some time just for a laugh”. Previously she had been most critical about the lashes. I said it as a joke but she took it seriously so I showed her and she loved it! She now wears makeup pretty much daily. She admitted she had no idea how to apply it as her parents had always drummed into her that it was “slutty”. Her rudeness about makeup was entirely because she didn’t know how to apply it and all the baggage from her parents medieval attitudes.

When I was at Uni, I generally dressed like a slob. One day I had a formal event straight after lectures so rather than carry around a change of clothes, I spent the day in a suit. My god the improvement in my concentration and productivity was astonishing.

A colleague of mine lives in quite a deprived area where the primary school doesn't make uniform compulsory on the grounds of affordability. Not sure that it quite works as those who don't wear uniform turn up in designer tracksuits which would've cost more than the uniform. My colleague still makes her kids wear the uniform, her reasoning being that it puts them in a working frame of mind.

When I started my current job, we waited months for our uniforms. We were told that smart casual was sufficient. I still went for full business wear for the reason above. Dressing smart makes me feel confident.

I love clothes & fashion & often get complimented at work. I don't dress up & i'm not super smart though as it's not my thing. I worked with someone who was overdressed on a daily basis, it didn't bother me as I think people should express themselves but nonetheless she was still overdressed.

Not much anymore (I work in blue collar recruitment on site in factories so no tight work dresses anymore!) but my knee jerk response is "I'm not over dressed, I'm under-occasioned" which I stole from a very glamorous ex-colleague of mine from my branch recruitment past! She always said that every day is an opportunity to be ready for an occasion! What an approach to a grey Tuesday morning (or whatever day for that matter!)

They're jealous of you, OP. Keep on dressing to make yourself feel great!

Jealousy. I used to a lot. I do less now but that's because I'm knackered but still go my best. Fly your own kite missus

I won't even grace your ex with a comment.

I dress up for work too, same as you, pencil skirts, heels, dresses etc. I love dressing, gives me @confidence etc. Plus at the weekend I'm in jeans and practical stuff etc. Dressing well makes me feel more professional and I find I get a totally different reaction to if I'm in scruffs.

Apart from looking more formal, and generally looking more slender in heels, I wear heels so that less people are looking down on me - literally speaking. I have noticed that a lot of people in senior roles tend to be very tall (just my perception), so it's useful to feel on a level playing field. I dislike having to look up at someone. I also find people give you more respect if you're dressed well (though that may be my imagination). If I'm wearing flats (say if I was wearing a dress that came to above the knee), I always feel 'small' and submissive when you've a big tall boss looming over you.

A lot of comments get made along the lines of - 'oh I like your dress - I pick the first thing I find at the bottom of the wardrobe' or similar. It feels a bit like negging. Compliment on the one hand, but make me feel bad for going to the effort on the other hand.

oh I like your dress

But why not take this at face value? If someone said that to me I would assume they meant it & think nothing more. If you dress to stand out then be confident.

I would never wear heels at work but I'm 5ft 9. I wouldn't judge someone else for wearing them, their choice.

Because the compliment is followed by a put-down.

If the dress code for work is "business dress" then you're fine.
How come the casual dress code of the other staff isn't being addressed by management?

It's a workplace where a lot of the staff regularly spend their day on sites, so, it wouldn't be unusual to see women in steel toe caps wandering around the office lol. No-one wears casual, I guess they just don't wear full make-up and heels, skirts etc. The men all wear suits - or shirts at least. I don't stand out, I just probably look a little more formal or 'stiff' than the others.

It sounds like you are on hyper-alert all the time due to the criticisms you endured at the hands of your ex.

People tend to make comments that make themselves feel comfortable- like joking about being a slob etc. It's a way of accepting themselves, and it doesn't necessarily reflect on how YOU dress: it's just a way of expressing that they don't feel the need to do the same. None of it is about you really.

Just carry on doing you- I'm pretty sure that nobody actually minds.