Have you ever had negative comments for dressing well going to work?

[Shedidnt]

I suppose they were not negative in my case but I don't have much confidence really, so I think women (in both cases) wouldn't know that.

I dress well going to work. Pencil skirts or dresses. On two occasions how I dress has been commented on (and not complimentary).

First one was a girl who said 'you look like you're dressed up to go out - I wouldn't get dressed up to come into this place'. I felt like an eejit for trying too hard.

Second one were two female colleagues talking among themselves and one saying 'oh well, she's always overdressed'.

I like to dress well as it gives me confidence. But I feel women particularly hated me for it. The women I befriended never commented apart from maybe to say, that's a nice top - where did you get it (usually primark), but it has left me feeling self conscious about what I wear in case I look like a try-hard or something?

Please tell me some of you dress up to go to work?

Another factor might be an ex (who used to beat me up) told me I was dressing up for the men at work and in fact some of the beatings I took were to make my face bruised so that I couldn't go to work.

Congratulations on escaping from your terrible husband OP.

Now I've been single again a few years, and rediscovering myself, it's funny but I'm getting more interested in clothes. As with many of us I was reacting to DM's attitude (in her case, people who make an effort to look polished "think they're superior").

I'm loving it actually, getting really interested in colours, textures, silhouettes etc for the first time ever.

There will always be critical people, you can't please them all the time - or ever in some cases!

I think there is an element of fitting in at work at play here. People tend to dress alike because we're pack animals at heart, and clothing has always been a signifier of your chosen identity. If you stand out, you may end up a target for other people's issues, as is often the case for people who are different in some way.

You have 2 options really - say screw em and wear whatever the hell you like (within the confines of work appropriate obvs) or wear the same clothes as everyone else and avoid the comments. Sometimes it's a case of that workplace not being quite the right fit for you and finding somewhere where people are more like you (or just more accepting of people's individuality).

If you choose to stand out, you should accept that it will draw comments and not always nice ones...

There are tons of reasons why people might react like this, including that they are also on the receiving end of abuse/have been convinced that wearing the sort of clothes you wear are inappropriate for them. And it never makes somebody else who doesn't look as good feel that great if their oblivious boss pulls them up on not looking as nice as x person - it would be easy for a colleague to try and reassure them that x person is overdressed and to not take it to heart.

Having said that, I feel like I look like shit in a sack whatever I do these days and clean, tidy and appropriate is the best outcome I'm going to get. A pencil skirt and heels is never going to be an option for me - but if you look nice in it, that's fantastic and you should continue to wear what makes you feel good. As long as you remember that you don't have to go all out to convince yourself and others that everything is fine, really - if you'd actually like to wear tailored, wide legged trousers, flat shoes and a crisp shirt instead of the skirts, or a dress with woolly tights and a cardie instead of a suit but you are still thinking that you have to keep wearing the armour you used to hide your suffering, then wear those instead.

It is entirely up to you. Don't concern yourself about what other people are or aren't saying. Short of wearing a ballgown to work the tills or muck the pigs out, I'm pretty sure that you are perfectly attired.

You wear what you like.

Ye I'm stunning in pyjamas.

No. I like to look nice even if it means putting on tights and a skirt and ironing a top or shirt.

I actually think that it goes back to my mother when I think about it. She had depression but occasionally I remember her getting dressed up before that happened. I specifically remember loving the sound of her high heels.

Weird that I've only figured that out now lol.

I'd probably go into competition with her. Wear higher heels than her or something lol

And there it is, the tell that could explain why other women have commented. It’s not always what we wear but how we wear it.

If these clothes give you confidence then how come comments bother you?

I was that person in the office with a
ever ending supply of clothes with matching shoes, jewelry, coats and handbags. Men and women used to comment on my wardrobe all my bills are paid, I have food to eat and I could afford to run a car and go on holiday. My money my business.

I feel a bit sad that I now wear a uniform for work, I feel like I've lost a bit of my identity.

As long as you're not getting yourself into debt, rolling up to work half naked, or wearing clothes that are impractical then carry on, wear what makes you happy.

I get dolled up to go to the local shop.

What would she rather you wear? A bloody 90s shell suit

I think it does depend on the type of job to be honest

I have younger colleagues who show a lot of cleavage or midriff (crop tops), and also colleagues with brightly coloured hair and/or facial piercings and/or lots of tattoos.

It wasn't always allowed, but in today's culture, nobody says anything anymore. I feel it damages our professional look.

Nothing wrong with pencil skirts and dresses but it does depend on style.

I don't notice what people wear! Well, there are a few fit looking guys who I'd notice alright lol, but I don't notice what women wear

I find this hard to believe if you are asking this question.

I've always worn smartish dresses for work, not s much suits. I think the general trend over the 12 years I've worked for my present employer has shown a decline in sartorial standards. My original manager used t have a wardrobe of suits and dresses with jackets, she had to meet a lo;t of potential clients and professional contacts and always looked very appropriately dressed. My second manager dresses very poorly indeed, as if it doesn't matter, and there is much comment on the way she looks sloppy and unkempt. I don't feel businesslike unless I'm "properly" dressed.

OP I bet you look great. They are jealous. I dress up for work and will keep doing so. I am known for it, in a good way, and if there were negative comments I would feel they said way more about the person saying them, than about me. It’s a bit like when people tell me I am too thin (I am not underweight btw) - what they generally mean is, you are slimmer than me...

I suppose my style could be classed as stuffy or uptight or something. It doesn't really matter I suppose. I think my outgoing character surprises people as maybe they expect me to be a little bit posh or something (I'm Irish). I'm very friendly and outgoing - I just dress up for work I guess.

@Astrabees I actually laughed out loud at your sartorial standards lol.

Your updates are very conflicting from your OP. Maybe it is just confusing me.

I'd probably go into competition with her. Wear higher heels than her or something lol.

This latest update makes you sound quite insecure and competitive. Maybe you are rubbing your colleagues up the wrong way?

having a different opinion doesn't always mean jealousy although they do sound horrible.

at my work there is a stunning lady but she dresses all wrong for work: very thick Love Island/ Towie make up (or whatever is current)
over lined lips etc
huge padded bras and skin tight polo necks so you can see each rib
trousers to tight you can see hip bone jutting out and every contour of her pubic area.

she is gorgeous but a good few of us think its just too much for work and are very surprised no one from hr has mentioned policy of dress standards.

she gets a lot of attention but so do others. im not jealous, i think she looks perfect for a casual meal or coffee out but its literally like spray on clothes for work. its none of my business either, so not really something people talk about once they get used to her style.

there are always nasty people around. focus on you unless you do actually want to change to fit in.

I'd probably go into competition with her. Wear higher heels than her or something

That's quite a revealing statement. Why do you feel the need to compete with other women? Is this what this is? You want to feel you look the best and you want to think the others are envious of you?

Because I have to be honest, that's how thr updates are starting to make it sound.

@Bluntness100 well said

I also think from the updates, it is not how you dress maybe you are subconsciously looking for a reaction and to be noticed.
That is no issue but own it.

God these threads are like a klaxon to bring out all the “they’re just jealous” and “they’re all bitchy women” brigade.

Everyone can dress how they feel best. Building up the OP by knocking other women down is not ok. Defining over- or under-dressed by (generic) your personal standards means nothing if you are just using it as a way to make other people feel bad. As long as a person is dressed within the dress-code of their particular workplace, they are fine. That’s all there is to it.

I'm glad you're no longer in that relationship OP.

People could be being bitchy or they could be pointing out that you're dressed like you're going to a club. I used to work with a girl who dressed in amazing clothes, but they were much more suitable for clubbing than a staid corporate environment. Think low cut bandage dresses. People used to make comments like that about her, and eventually one of the managers had to have a word with her about it as people didn't feel comfortable taking her to meet clients. It's hard to know if that's you or not without more details of what you're wearing.

I work in mental health which tends to be quite smart - casual dress code due to needing to look professional and be able to get into a restraint and I've always worn a waistcoat, blouse and smart trousers to work because that's what I feel comfortable in (plus theres less chance of having my top ripped off with a waistcoat). I probably dress smarter than most of the doctors but that doesnt bother me.

When the women talk about what you're wearing I'd just ignore them. Try not to worry about what others think of your clothes. You're following the dress code, it's not impacting your job and you definitely dont need to dress down to make your coworkers more comfortable. Wear what you feel good wearing. I wonder if they're commenting because seeing you dressed smartly makes them feel a little insecure about being dressed down in comparison.

Building up the OP by knocking other women down is not ok.

Do you think it's ok to put the OP down for dressing better than her colleagues, though?

There is a reason why these women are making such comments. Suggesting that reason is jealousy is not knocking them down.

@toycar, so what if that person doesn’t dress according to your standards? You probably don’t dress according to hers. You say it’s none of your business, yet write an unpleasant post about her intimating you feel that it’s absolutely your business and she should have been reprimanded. I would suggest that the bosses at your company have no problem with her, so you and your gossipy little coven should find something better to do than being mean to the poor woman.

Ok. This is the reaction I get from colleagues. Finding fault with me.

Whatever.