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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Have you ever had negative comments for dressing well going to work?

424 replies

Shedidnt · 02/01/2020 13:28

I suppose they were not negative in my case but I don't have much confidence really, so I think women (in both cases) wouldn't know that.

I dress well going to work. Pencil skirts or dresses. On two occasions how I dress has been commented on (and not complimentary).

First one was a girl who said 'you look like you're dressed up to go out - I wouldn't get dressed up to come into this place'. I felt like an eejit for trying too hard.

Second one were two female colleagues talking among themselves and one saying 'oh well, she's always overdressed'.

I like to dress well as it gives me confidence. But I feel women particularly hated me for it. The women I befriended never commented apart from maybe to say, that's a nice top - where did you get it (usually primark), but it has left me feeling self conscious about what I wear in case I look like a try-hard or something?

Please tell me some of you dress up to go to work?

Another factor might be an ex (who used to beat me up) told me I was dressing up for the men at work and in fact some of the beatings I took were to make my face bruised so that I couldn't go to work.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Shedidnt · 04/01/2020 19:05

@gigiblanks Not much to see really!

OP posts:
astralweaks · 04/01/2020 19:05

I would love to see the pics again, too. Is unfortunate they were removed.

gigiblanks · 04/01/2020 19:05

just being nosy!

astralweaks · 04/01/2020 19:05

It’s

astralweaks · 04/01/2020 19:09

Shedidnt

I definitely saw photos of Dolly Parton early on in the thread. And the OP said she was more Jane Fonda.

Had you a point to make with this post?

My point? My point was to reassure other posters who thought I was having a dig. I presumed THESE were the photographs being discussed. Now it seems there were photographs of you, OP, and not just photographs of famous women you perhaps try to emulate.

Shedidnt · 05/01/2020 06:38

@astralweaks - What I posted was a link to Dolly Parton 9-5 on youtube. Just read back and you'll see it.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 05/01/2020 08:43

I've sent you a PM, @Shedidnt

Emeraldshamrock · 05/01/2020 11:38

I saw the photos both outfits looked great, OP looked great in them.
There weren't pencil skirts from the 1990's. Straight cut check dress and a black skirt nice, coloured shoes. Nothing shocking. I imagine you see thousands in similar outfits daily in London.
Poster were snappey as OP was snappey too the thread went south from there..

Shedidnt · 05/01/2020 11:40

That's nice of you to say Emerald. Thanks very much.

OP posts:
mrscampbellblackagain · 05/01/2020 12:43

There have definitely been some sly comments on this thread towards the OP dessed up as faux concern.

Some women like to dress up more than others and some women don't like that for some reason. OP should have posted in S&B Smile

Emeraldshamrock · 05/01/2020 12:54

There have definitely been some sly comments on this thread towards the OP dessed up as faux concern
Not necessarily. I am not getting into this thread again, once the OP called abuse from posters I backed off completely.
IMO OP was just as rude to posters, She did not acknowledge any who agreed with her, she went for those that disagreed with her, dismissive of any advice.
Maybe OP will agree too.
Anyway I'm out.🙋‍♀️
Just wanted to confirm the photos looked great.

FramingDevice · 05/01/2020 13:31

@mrscampbellblackagain, the OP comes across, on the evidence of this thread, as fairly insufferable. It’s perfectly possible her colleagues simply find her difficult to be around.

Schuyler · 06/01/2020 08:52

You’re taking every comment as a sly dig, what if your colleagues actually have good and kind intentions. I said up thread that I have a lovely colleague who dresses smartly and I think she looks good. When I compliment her and make a silly comment that I don’t look as good, I bloody mean it!

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 06/01/2020 09:03

Just reading through the thread OP so apologies but ...

This always interests me as I really believe comments like this are indicative of the person making them. If another woman at work was always beautifully turned out, well groomed and dressed even if it was smarter than most I'd always think "wow, shedidnt looks amazing today" and if I felt the need to say anything it would be a nice comment. Always. Unless I had a beef with you obv! I'm a bit "spread the love/pay it forward/ what goes around comes around " generally so try to only create positive energy if I can. I'm aware this pisses others off!

There is no excuse for such nasty behaviour they are either jealous or unhappy so taking digs at others makes them feel better.

It's always better to be slightly over than under dressed in my experience.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 06/01/2020 09:04

Ps I'm sorry for how your ex treated you and glad to hear you're out of that now Thanks

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 06/01/2020 09:06

SarahandQuack
That's interesting! I'm sure same said students are very open to receiving constructive feedback themselves ... Grin

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 06/01/2020 09:31

Well, this thread has gone in an odd direction Confused
OP I think there have been lots of helpful comments which you are being defensive unnecessarily towards. It's a shame as I think most people are intending to be supportive but unless it's 100% agreement with your opinions you don't seem interested.

My thought is your outfits are great, just make sure that all other evaluated areas of your performance still outshine your appearance, otherwise there's a danger that's what people will most remember about you at work. And that would go directly against what I think you're trying to achieve.

Personally I wouldn't want a job where my appearance was evaluated as I imagine in many cases it's used as a stick to beat more women with than men. It's bad enough that we're all fighting over the scraps as it is never mind being judged for how we look so openly. Actually, this could even be breeding the behaviour you're experiencing from these other women.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 06/01/2020 09:37

Ok - my last post.
OP you are being pretty nasty and judge towards how others dress. Not a good look (Grin) for you. Karma?
And for a person struggling with confidence your pretty assertive on a chat forum.

I hope you can take on board the good advice others have given. Good luck with the job.

Lweji · 06/01/2020 09:40

I wouldn't say assertive. Assertiveness and confidence are very different to the behaviour displayed on this thread.
This is something people can work on.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 06/01/2020 09:59

Lweji Grin I was being kind!

Arthritica · 06/01/2020 10:13

Wow, OP.

You see jibes and aggression in everything. Whilst I was initially sympathetic, your responses to people on this thread have been deeply unpleasant.
That makes me think either the women at work aren’t actually criticising and you’re projecting like you have here
Or
They just don’t like you because you’ve been nasty. It’s really not necessary to be on attack all the while. People were engaging in good faith and you laid into them.

astralweaks · 06/01/2020 17:04

She is hugely defensive.

OhTheRoses · 07/01/2020 11:24

I am enjoying an inner thrill about chosing purple opaques this morning. They co-ordinate with my wrap frock and go well with my flats Grin.

astralweaks · 07/01/2020 13:42

Sounds nice. Flats are chic unlike high heels.

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