Have you ever had negative comments for dressing well going to work?

[Shedidnt]

I suppose they were not negative in my case but I don't have much confidence really, so I think women (in both cases) wouldn't know that.

I dress well going to work. Pencil skirts or dresses. On two occasions how I dress has been commented on (and not complimentary).

First one was a girl who said 'you look like you're dressed up to go out - I wouldn't get dressed up to come into this place'. I felt like an eejit for trying too hard.

Second one were two female colleagues talking among themselves and one saying 'oh well, she's always overdressed'.

I like to dress well as it gives me confidence. But I feel women particularly hated me for it. The women I befriended never commented apart from maybe to say, that's a nice top - where did you get it (usually primark), but it has left me feeling self conscious about what I wear in case I look like a try-hard or something?

Please tell me some of you dress up to go to work?

Another factor might be an ex (who used to beat me up) told me I was dressing up for the men at work and in fact some of the beatings I took were to make my face bruised so that I couldn't go to work.

I haven’t seen anyone wear a pencil skirt with heels to work since about 1995, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the look - it’s just a bit old-fashioned.

I do think it’s useful to try to fit in with workplace dress culture. Fortunately at my current workplace anything goes, so no one cares if I’m in a suit and my boss is in jeans and trainers. But everywhere else I’ve worked people try to fit in. It sends quite a strong signal if you don’t.

My job doesn't require me to fit in as it's a solitary role in a way. It requires a certain standard of dress however, more so than other roles.
I love the way I dress, I just don't like the insidious little negging that goes on. It's always the women who have a problem and feel the need to tell me how they couldn't be arsed making an effort. I've male friends I meet outside work and they always compliment me. I think it's just a woman thing.

Have you not been in a shop since 1995?

Some women look as though they've spent hours getting ready. I've never worked with anyone like that but I definitely notice it socially because who has hours to get ready every day? And even if you did have that time, imagine taking it for appearance rather than lounging about on social media or eating eclairs or chatting to your potplants or whatever else.

Yes, I have been in a shop since 1995. Haven’t seen anyone wear a pencil skirt and heels to work since then however. As I said, nothing wrong with it. Just a little dated. But it’s a look that suits a lot of people (including me 25 years ago).

Fitting in is more about managing social aspects of working relationships than about job requirements. That seems to be the difficulty you’re experiencing.

It's not a difficulty. I've concluded they're just intimidated. Their problem, not mine. I have 5 female friends from work who I would socialise with. That's as far as the extended team extends. They have no issue with me and we get pissed and have a laugh. They seem mildly amused that I'm so formal at work, but a complete piss-head out of working hours. I;m the one they come to when they fancy a night out as they know I'll manage to round up a posse. I'm friendly with all my colleagues and professional when I need to be.

I see a lot of you are trying to put me down by either saying I'm old-fashioned, dated, not a team player and whatever else. I see through that shit though.

I never judge anyone else, I'm too busy. I do notice if someone wears something nice. We don't have any garden gnomes in the office, but if we had, I'd say fair fucks to them! I wear what I like; same goes for them. If you feel good, that's all that matters. I was just wondering whether anyone else had experienced similar to me and some have. 90% of you just want to pile on - so good for you. I hope it made you feel better as it sure as hell has not made me feel bad.

Btw, my ex was an abusive arsehole, so I can see through the insidious, sly digs like I was looking through a finely polished crystal. I'm sorry to tell you, that it just shows you up - not me.

I can see through the insidious, sly digs like I was looking through a finely polished crystal

Do you think you might be a bit hypersensitive if you see ‘insidious sly digs’ everywhere? Have you had any trauma therapy or counselling?

I think most of the women here were just sharing their views and advice. You’ve been rather rude and caustic, for example calling ladies who wear mustard tights ‘garden knomes’ and concluding that everyone in your office who dislikes you is jealous and intimidated by your dress sense!?

You don’t sound very happy OP, statement heels aside.

OP it is certainly possible to be overdressed for many roles, even if the individual looks perfectly nice in their outfit. If somebody is far more dressed up than the rest of the office, I would wonder about their culture fit and adherence to other professional norms.

For example, I’m a doctor. Many years ago, one of our SHOs used to turn up to work in a Galaxy dress (you can tell how many years ago it was from that). Beautiful dress, suited her. Wildly inappropriate for a junior doctor on a urology ward. Made me wonder about the rest of their professional judgement.

I have no idea whether your clothes are inappropriate for your workplace. But the fact that you are dismissing it out of hand, and writing off your colleagues as all being jealous ugly trolls, makes me wonder.

sorry about the ex, good riddance.

silly cows who have nothing better to talk about then how other people look can be safely filed under 'stupid bitch' and ignored. Some women do get jealous, but only the stupid ones - so not worth your headspace.

WTF is a galaxy dress? Does it have stars on it?

did it have her anatomy hanging out, sleeves falling in things, rattly bits? If not, why was it inappropriate?

appropriate for an office is clothing that allows you to do the job, isn't full of holes, with shoes you can walk in (not clump around) and makeup or not as you think fit. As long as you neither smell nor rattle and are clean and tidy, you are dressed for the job.

I think there is possibly a mix of factors here. There are always going to be jealous /judgemental people in every walk of life.

You do also come across as quite sensitive and at times seeing/anticipating digs where they dont exist.

That plus what sounds like a totally acceptable if slightly older dress sense means you draw the attention of both the judgemental ones and the genuine complimenters.

If you're happy, your work is happy then stick at it. Though in answer to your OP, I always dress well for work across a number of offices but have never been on the receiving end of negative comments as a result.

You say it's all women but possibly, the men are unsure whether it's appropriate to say 'nice dress' or whatever, so they just keep quiet.

I genuinely think you're seeing "sly digs" where there are none, based on your mind-reading of what you think people are implying. Hyper vigilance.

And then you go on the attack in response. There have been some truly nasty comments on this thread from you, op. I don't know why you think that's ok.

Have you considered that somebody saying they don't have the energy to put as much effort into their clothing as you is just making conversation or only putting down themselves? It's quite a leap to get to your interpretation of it as malicious.

It makes sense to get into mind reading if you're used to having to second guess someone and look for their traps to protect yourself, but that doesn't mean it's how the rest of the world operates or that your mind reading is accurate.

This thread is really uncomfortable and unpleasant reading. Which is sad because people were trying to help.

@CardsforKittens I work in finance and see women in pencil skirts and heels all the time. I wouldn’t say they look dated at all. I’m probably not envisaging the same look as you are though as I’m in my 20s so don’t really have a frame of reference from the 90s and back.

All women say nasty things?
Not me. I saw a woman on the tube, a few minutes ago, with great gold shoes. And I told her so. See her beam.

You clearly have issues with other women generally.

A Galaxy dress is a skintight, low cut body con dress, made by Roland Mouret in about 2006. Expensive. Red carpet dress. Rachel Weiss wore it a lot back in the day.

If you can’t see why that’s an inappropriate choice for a physically demanding job on a hospital ward, I’m not sure how to explain it to you. Everybody else was in scrubs.

Good for you! I think office dress codes have gone down the pan anyway. A lot people are happy strolling into work looking a right disgrace.

@mencken 100% agree. Same as the ones trying to criticise me on here.

You clearly have issues with other women generally.
I have no issue with women. I am one.

Why are people making this thread into an attack on me rather than allowing the discussion in hand to take place? The discussion in hand has nothing to do with me personally, but whether other posters have been commented on negatively for dressing nicely.

7.20 I get in the shower, makeup, clothes. Leave house at 7.38.

I really don't put in that much effort.

I have always dressed well for work on the basis that a. I spend a lot of time there and want to look as nice in that time as possible and b. I love clothes. Used to get negative comments when younger, from some. Always women! Now, interestingly, I don’t (and am in a senior position as well as being older). My advice is to stick to your guns.

Oh I missed the pics, can we see again?

People compliment my clothes at work as I do to others. Some people can be bitchy equally some people can dress inappropriately. Don't think it's gender specific.